So Much Time
by KirstyeeM
Summary: Everything happened up to season two, Tommy left, Jude skipped her release party and the pictures happened. Now, what happens over a year later, when he comes back. Artists pushed on tour together. Three Chaperones. Secrets told.
1. Say, What?

Hey there.

Okay, so this is my first time writing a fanfic, I have written some Supernatural, not been put up, but there not so good, so bare with me ;

Disclaimer; I do not own anything to do with Instant Star, the characters etc.. I do own some of the songs that will be in this fanfic.

Judes P.O.V.

It was 12 months, 5 months, 20 hours and 18 minutes since Tommy Quincy left, but who's counting, right? Tommy- even saying his names makes me want to scream. Yeah, first I was 'upset Jude', me being the sucker and all, but somewhere between all of that…I couldn't even bother being sad anymore, I was sick of it, sick of what he made me become. Then, I was angry, made because he couldn't even call me back, to tell me where he was, if he was okay, why he left… Frustrated because I couldn't think, couldn't write, I haven't written a song since… It's like he took my enthusiasm and emotion with him. I don't feel anything, I'm stuck, numb, and to add to the stress -load, that happened

-Flashback-

I was sitting at home on the sofa with some crappy TV show on playing in the background. I wasn't even watching it, pretending, pretending to be normal as Sadie put it, but I was trying emphasis on trying to write in _his_ journal, _his_ journal because he just had to go and mark it by putting his 'Most of us go to our graves with the music still inside of us' and then he had to go all MIA on me and leave.

Anyway, the phone rang, it was Darius, wanted me to come to G Major now, some emergency.

No Ones P.O.V

Jude strolled into G Major around 11:30 am when she was supposed to be in at 11am, new record, right? "Jude!" Darius's obvious booming voice echoing through the lobby. "You're late, get in here now before you're even later." She lazily made her way over to get some coffee, and then into Big D's Office, reluctantly to face her wrath.

"Hey D...

" Jude-" getting to the point "- It's about Tom"

I know, it's short and not that good, but hey, my first attempt. It's going to get longer, I have loads of idea's... just have to put it to paper first.

So, please comment, good or bad.

Kirsty.


	2. Can't be happening

Okay, thank you OMGITSKEL for reviewing; when I saw someone actually reviewed, my cousin and I were jumping up and down

I was so shocked that someone actually read this! So thank you!

So, I wrote another chapter, hopefully it's longer! I won't be updating tomorrow, I'm going to spend most of the day writing ahead, so at least I know what I'm going to put up etc… Also, I got coursework to do, so yeah…

Again, I do not own anything from Instant Star.

"- It's about Tom"

She subtly tensed at the mention of his name.

"I must've heard you incorrectly, what?"

"- It's about Tom-" Darius repeated.

"Tom as in 'Lil Tommy Q', Tom Quincy, that Tommy?

"Yes tha-" He attempts.

"As in my ex-producer Tommy, The abandoner Tommy?"

Darius says her name, she continues to ramble. "Jude!" he tries a little more forceful to get through to her.

"Huh, what?" she asks confused. With a slight smile he answers her, "You're rambling." With a pathetic shrug "Sorry?" she questions.

"Now, back on track, yes, that Tom to all of the above." She goes to open her mouth again but he cuts to the chase, before she starts, rip the bandage of, right?

"He's coming back" She raises her eyebrows up questionably, as to say, back from where?

"From Montana, he's coming back from Montana."

"What?" she questions in a audible whisper, more to herself then Darius.

"Why was he in Montana?"

"That he'll have to tell you" He answers.

"Woah, hold up. No, I know what you're thinking and no, I can't, I won't."

"Ju-" He attempts but she cuts him off before he tries to reason with her.

"No, I'm not speaking to him, not working with him, he is not my producer anymore, and him coming back do not change that, he's nothing to me anymore. If he has to come back, fine, but I want nothing to do with him." She gets up from her seat and walks out of Darius office needing to get rid of some pent up anger from talking about a certain someone, it usually went into writing a killer song, not anymore.

"Jude, SME are in Studio A with Kwest and Jamie" Darius shouted from inside his office. They weren't the ones she needed right now.

Studio A

Jude barges through the doors of Studio A, with a certain question she needed to ask.

"Did you know?"

Kwest stares at her blankly, but knowing exactly what she was asking. "Did you know?" She repeats. "Did you know about Tommy?"

"Jude-" He goes to explain, but she already knew the answer.

"You knew, did they?" She asked, looking over to SME in the recording booth, jamming out to a song from their demo.

"Jude" He tries again, "Yes I know about Tommy, no, they don't, and yes before you ask he's coming back tomorrow.

Not caring if he ever comes back she asks "How long have you known?" she dreaded his answer "About a week or two, but Jude you got to realise-" She didn't want to hear what excuse Tommy told him for not telling her. She couldn't stand being played as the fool again. She ran out of the studio and into the alleyway before they could see her cry. She needed to hit something, someone, anything, Kwest knew, before her. He could call Kwest and Darius telling him he's coming home, but not her. Okay, Kwest is his best friend, she got that. But Darius, okay he's his boss, but couldn't he of told her first?

She thought she was done with this, done with him, but now with him coming back, she don't know what's going to happen. This can't be happening.

So hope that was a bit longer.

Okay, I have the up most total respect for every writer out there, I don't know about anyone else but, it's hard for me to actually write what I have mapped out it my head and make it sound good enough to read, and not too cheesy.

Please review.

Thanks, Kirsty


	3. Still There For Me

Thank you to the three new people who are reading this and who reviewed ; I'm so happy. This chapter kind of delves into Juderman friendship, I'm Jommy all the way, but also Judermans cute :

I don not own anything from Instant Star, also I don't own the song used, it belongs to The Veronicas. I totally love every song from them, totally amazing! ;

I will be using some of my songs, but later on in the story.

* * *

Speed opened the back alleyway door, looking for Jude. "Jude, I know you're out here" He turned around and saw her. It pained him to see her like that, sitting on the cold ground, back against the wall, slouched over and then she looked at him. Tear stained cheeks, mascara running from her eyes, and a red nose.

"Hey"

"Hi" she replies through sniffles.

"I saw you running out of the studio; Kwest kind of let me know about… well, you know…" He was concerned about her, she could see that and she was touched by it, but she didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah, I just needed some air, space to think, you know?"

"Yeah" He replies "Do you, uh, do you want to, want to talk about it?"

She laughed at his nervousness. "What?" He asks wanting to know what she was laughing at "Have I got something on my face?"

"No Speed, it's nothing… and well there's nothing to really talk about" she says, answering both of his questions. He looks at her with concern "Jude-"

"Don't Vincent" " she cut him of. "Just don't", she asks with pleading eyes.

He knew better then to argue with her, she was serious he could tell, she used his real name. He got up from the wall and held his hand out for her, she raised her eyebrows at him, "Just get up Harrison", and she took his hand. As soon as she was up, he immediately put is arms around her and enveloped her in a hug.

She couldn't hold it in-front of him anymore, she cried, and he knew he couldn't do anything to help her but comfort her while she poured her heart out to him. How could Tommy do this to her.

Fifteen minutes passed and they were still there, Jude crying and Speed just trying to comfort her. She knew she had to stop and get over him, she knew she wouldn't actually get over him, but she had to try, and she had to take the first step.

"Speed" He looked down at her "Yeah?"

"Tell Darius I've gone home, make some excuse, time of the month or whatever, anything, I'm gonna go home."

"Yeah, sure" he replied "You gonna be okay?"

"Eventually" she answered him, hoping she wasn't lying.

"I'll come by later and make sure you actually are okay, okay?"

"Yeah" She was glad she could be this way with him again, they didn't have to talk and he knew what she needed, and after everything that happened between them, she didn't think they would be this close again.

She walked home, glad of the cold against her skin. She got in and did something she never thought she would again so soon, she wrote.

* * *

She wrote and it exhausted her, every emotion, all the pain, she felt since she met Tommy. She never thought her life could get so complicated in a matter of years, and it all came back to him, it always did, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get him out of her head. A couple of hours later and she was there still, looking over what she wrote, it wasn't much, but she tried. The door bell rang. "Hey" It was Speed.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Seven O'clock, so… what you been doing with your afternoon off?"

"I uh..." she started trying to decide if she should tell him "I wrote a song" He could hear the nervousness in her voice, wondering why. "So, the usual?"

"Yeah" only if he knew. She hadn't told anyone that she couldn't write anything new.

She used old songs she wrote before just to make Darius happy but, they had no real meaning, no heart when she sang them. "Can I read it?"

"Uh…" She hesitated, she didn't want him to read it, but it was Speed. "It's not finished…" "Come on dude, you always let me read you knew stuff." he stated cutting her of. She smiled when she heard her nickname he gave her; he hadn't called her that since they broke up the second time, "Fine" she gave in as she walked into the living room, him following behind her. "Whoa, deserted much?" he asked noticing the house was empty. "Whoa, say much, much?" answering his question with a question, mocking him. "Ha, you know what I mean. Where is everyone?"

"Well, Sadie's been shacking up with Kwest the past week, she's been coming in at like 7am thinking I wouldn't notice, she might as well be living with him already. Mom's still with Don the skanky divorce lawyer god knows where, the last time we had contact, she phoned Sades and not me, telling her that there in Italy, that was two months ago." He could hear the hurt in her voice when she talked about her mother.

"And Dad, well, he's too busy playing house with Yvette and_ her _kids, to be bothered about his own." She looked down at her shoes; she wasn't going to cry again. She couldn't. "So yeah, the house is mostly empty."

"Oh…" He now understood why she acted so distant towards everyone lately, that's how she's known to be. "Anyway, about the song, here" she said, handing him the piece of paper with the scrawl and crossing outs all over it.

_Everyday I sit here waiting_

_Everyday just seems so long_

_And now I've had enough of all the hating_

_Do we even care?_

_It's so unfair._

_I'm heavily broken_

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking_

_And I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken_

_And there's nothing I can do…_

"Wow, Jude…."

"It's only the first verse and a possible chorus…"

"It's powerful…" He knew she felt alone and down, but he never thought she felt this… There was this uncomfortable silence between them and they both knew why.

"Well, I better go, Kyle and Wally are waiting at Caveman Days." he said deciding to break the silence.

She smiled when she heard that "You guys still go there?"

"Yup, never too old for that. You can come too if you want?" He hoped she would.

"Nah, I should finish this song, another time though?"

"Count on it Harrison"

She waved goodbye as he left. She felt better than she did earlier, she took that first step and it felt good. She still couldn't bring herself to write in the journal though, not yet anyway.

-End of Flashback-

So, thats what happened, now I just hope I don't take five steps back after tomorrow.

* * *

Hope you liked this chapter, it's a bit longer. So, thats the end of the flashback, and it's just going to be normal now, no P.O.V's ; At least I don't think so, might change.

Please review,

Kirsty


	4. Facing The Music

So thank you so much to who reviewed.

A certain someone comes back. , and well you'll just have to read it. ;

Anyways, I do not own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

Facing the Music.

The alarm clock read 8:00am and she had to be in the studio at 9:00am. She didn't want to get up, she wanted to crawl back under the sheets and stay there. She didn't want to face the music; she didn't want to face Tom Quincy.

She knew he'd be there today, didn't know when, but he would and she was dreading it, dreading seeing him, dreading hearing his voice, but mostly, dreading him looking at her the way he did. She considered calling in sick, since just thinking about him made her feel ill, but she had to face him sooner or later, she knew that.

So, she got up, got dressed and grabbed a pop tart and out the door to G Major, the same daily boring routine.

As she went to open the door to G Major she noticed the palms of her hands were sweaty, and she felt butterflies in her stomach. "Stop it." She told herself, her brain just didn't listen to it. "I can do this."

She walked through the doors, instantly looking around every corner, every open door, searching for him. She saw Kwest, and looked away from him, but he walked up to her anyway "Jude" she looked up at him "He's not here…" she blew out a sigh of relief she didn't know she was holding and then "…Yet" he said finishing what she wanted to hear. She stopped breathing, he was defiantly going to be here, and she knew couldn't deny it anymore.

She spotted Wally and Kyle by the fridge. "Well I better go and get some coffee, want some?" she asked Kwest, trying to excuse herself. "Nope, already got some." He showed her the coffee mug he was holding. "Okay then" She walked past him, and then turned around "Oh and Kwest?" He turned to look at her, while taking a sip of coffee "Tell Sadie I know."

"What?" he asked almost choking,

"I know, about you and Sades, I'm not as naïve as you both think. Tell her I'm happy for you both, and to stop sneaking around, oh and that we need to talk later" she listed,

"Will do." She turned back around and continued making her way over toward the guys.

"Hey"

Wally nodded, "What's up dude?" She shrugged at Kyle's attempt of a greeting.

"You guys seen Speed?"

"Not since last night, said he'd be late in" Wally answered. "Okay, so when we in the studio?"

"Not until later, Darius called a meeting wants everyone in there by 10am." Kyle answered. "Great." Jude stated with no enthusiasm.

She walked over to the coffee machine and got herself a mug. She walked back over to the guys and saw Speed coming through the door "Uh, I'll see you later guys." Not waiting for them to say anything else, she walked straight over to Speed, leaving the coffee on the counter. "Hey" she needed to talk to him,

"Hey" he replied, there was some tension between them and neither new why. "Jude"-"Speed". They both said at the same time then laughed at their nervousness towards each other. Jude was the first to speak, "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, let's go over there" motioning to the sofa in the dark corner, so no one could overhear them.

"So…." Speed started noticing the tension in the air again. Jude decided to just cut to the chase "I just wanted to say thank you..."

He looked at her confused "…for yesterday, you were there for me when you could of just left, you stayed, and I needed that, needed someone just to be there, and I really appreciate that, so thank you." She finished,

"Well, what are friends for?" trying to lighten the dark atmosphere that appeared, looking at her,

"I'm always here for you Jude, always, I'm not going anywhere." He noticed the tear that slipped down her cheek. She looked down at her feet then back at him,

"Thanks", he pulled her in for a hug. They stayed like that for awhile.

Darius appeared from the meeting room, "Jude, Speed in here." They both pulled away from the hug, just noticing the lobby was mostly empty. Jude was the first up "You coming?"

"Yeah, in a minute, need caffeine."

"See you in there then." She said, walking of into the meeting room.

Speed just stood there, watching her, remembering what happened between them the past year and a half, only a few knew the secret they shared.

He decided to go and get the coffee.

* * *

Jude walked into the meeting noticing that Kyle wasn't kidding when Darius said he wanted everyone in the meeting. There sitting around the long wide rectangle table was, Darius, Liam, Karma, the new engineer who part-time replaces Kwest while he's producing Patsy and the new Producer who she remembered as Dave, Kyle, Wally, Patsy, Jamie, Kwest, Sadie and Mason, there were two seats next to Mason she also noticed there was an empty seat next to Darius, she knew who for, she just hoped she was wrong.

Sitting down by Mason she gave Sadie a knowing glare, Sadie smiled and mouthed a 'Thank You', she gathered Kwest already told Sadie.

A couple of minutes later and Speed still hadn't come in, she was getting anxious, she wanted to know what this meeting was about. "What's taking him so long?" she whispered out loud, Mason heard her "Huh?"

"Speed, what taking him so long" She whispered over to him, he shrugged his shoulders in response. Just then Speed came strolling over, he looked over at Darius and saw Darius looking back at him. "Sorry" he mumbled out while he walked over and sat down next to Jude. She looked up at him "What took you so long?"

"Coffee machine decided to go all manic on me, went to Portia for a different shirt." She then noticed the shirt he had on and laughed. It said 'Look up and you'll see an idiot' "She said it would suit me" Mason overheard and started laughing alone with Jude. There was a bang on the table.

"Okay, now I have all your attention, we can start." Darius announced. "Finally." Jude and Mason whispered.

"Getting to the task at hand, I asked you all here to discuss two important things that are going to change most of our lives" He started staring down at the table then stared at Jude, with that she knew what the first was going to be.

Darius carried on "First of all I'm going to start off with what some of you already know-"Darius was cut off with a knock at the door, and the person opened and walked through. Jude's breathe caught in her throat, and her pulse raced. She knew who it was; she just wasn't ready for him.

The person sat down next to Darius.

"T, glad you could make it, now as I was saying…" He continued

But she couldn't hear anything, her heart was pounding and all she could hear was her pulse banging against her ears. She didn't want to look at him but she couldn't help it, she wanted to see how he's changed. She took in everything, his hair was a little shorter, clean shaven face, maybe a wrinkle or two, but his eye's, those blue eyes she used to get lost in, there was something in them, something different about them, something behind them and she didn't know what. Something changed, something changed him and she could see it. She felt him his eyes on her, scanning her like she did with him. She couldn't stand his gaze; she looked over at Speed and saw that he was looking between her and Tommy; he grabbed Jude's hand and whispered into her ear "Jude, it'll be okay, just get through this, and the hard parts done. You'll be okay." She smiled at him and whispered back "I needed that." She could do this, just avoid his gaze, look at Darius and listen.

"So, about this tour…"

* * *

-Hope you liked this chapter;

Please review; Also, if anyone has any ideas or questions about this story, email me.

Kirsty.


	5. Heavily Broken

So thank you to who reviewed: I seriously do appreciate it and I'm glad that you're hopefully enjoying this.

Anyway on with the story and again The Veronicas- Heavily Broken (Acoustic Version) does not belong to me and I do not own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

Heavily Broken

"So, about this tour…" she heard Darius say when she tuned back in. She nudged Mason, looking at him confused "What tour?"

"The tour he's been talking about the past ten minutes, where've you been Harrison?" he answered her "Thinking about someone?" he questioned giving her a knowing glare. "Bite me" she replied, not really answering his question, giving him a warning look, "I'd love to Jude, but you know I don't swing that way" he said whispering to her so no one overhears him, she couldn't help it, she laughed and everyone looked at her.

"Would you two like to share what apparently is so funny and is more important than this tour, Jude?" Darius asked looking at them both, not really expecting an answer. "Mason?"

"Sorry D" Jude replied sheepishly "Yeah, sorry." Mason followed

"Right, now as I was saying about the tour" Darius carried on as Jude kicked Mason under the table, he gave her a glare, she just smiled sweetly back at him.

They both went back to listening to Darius.

"This time the tours going to be longer, six months to be exact, there's two tour busses so every artist in here-" he stated looking at SME, Jude, Mason, Patsy and Karma "-Is going, with no arguments" only looking at Jude this time.

"I need three people who I trust to chaperone and manage the unmanageable, so, Kwest, Sadie and Tommy, you three are going on tour with the rest of them." Jude stopped breathing, Tommy on tour. With her. For six months. She couldn't process this, she _couldn't_ do this. "Jude, Breathe" Speed said, she squeezes his hand harder "Breathe" he repeated. She relaxed.

She needed to tell Darius she couldn't, wouldn't do this with Tommy there.

But before she could, Darius started again "No arguments, no rearrangements, you'll be given the schedule and bus arrangements tomorrow. You leave Friday, and since it's Tuesday, you got two and a half days to pack, so be ready. Now onto the second announcement today, as you all see Tom is back and he'll still be working here after the tour. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I got work to do, and so do you lot." He got up from his chair and walked out to his office, letting them all discuss what just went on, Liam left, then Karma, the engineer and Dave her producer, then Patsy and Jamie. It just left Jude, Speed, Kwest, Mason, Kyle, Wally and Tommy.

"Uh, I'm out." Kyle mentioned and walked out, Wally following.

"I'm out too, got to get to work, Speed five minutes, we got to finish the tracks on the SME demo." Kwest explained, Speed looked at Jude, not really wanting to leave her "Speed, go." Jude told him. "Okay, but were talk more later."

"Yeah, sure" she smiled up at him as he left. There was tension in the room and Mason didn't want to be part of it, "I'm going to…" he started then walked out of the room. "Coward" Jude muttered under her breath playfully.

"Jude, you should go too, Dave's probably waiting" Sadie said giving Jude the excuse she needed.

"Yeah…" she started then trailed off, just like Mason did, she just wanted out, Tommy went to follow her, but Sadie stopped him.

"Don't" she said firmly, catching his attention

"Sadie-"he started but Sadie cut him off, "No, don't Sadie me, don't follow Jude, don't talk to her, don't even think about her."

"Sadie" He started again "just let me explain-"

"No Tommy, I'm not going there with you, I'm not arguing and I'm not going to talk to Jude about it."

"She needs to know-"Tommy tried to reason with her.

"We can't talk about this now, not here and right now, I need to go back to work, and you need to talk to Darius. Talk about this later. He couldn't be bothered arguing with her so he just walked out.

"If we have to" Sadie whispered to herself.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. "Yo, this better be important" He took this as a sign to come in. "Tom, just the man I needed to see."

"D, am I still working with Jude?" He came out with bluntly.

"No, and before you can argue with me, she doesn't want to work with you, and I don't blame her."

"Darius, you knew why I had to leave"

"Yeah I do, but to make everyone happy, and to keep my artist happy, she's still working with Dave."

Tommy looked at him confused "Dave?" he asked. "What did you think I was going to do? Wait for you to come back? We had to get another producer and engineer. You'll be working with Karma and Mason, Kwest's producing Patsy and SME part time, so Dave's engineer will working part time with you and Kwest. Jude basically produces herself, Dave's just there to oversee everything, and Kwest's her engineer, and when Kwest's working with Jude, Dave's working with Patsy and SME." Darius listed out in one long breath." I know its complicated, but nothing with you and Jude is easy." He said, finishing what he needed to.

"So where's Jude now?" Tommy asked. "Studio A" Darius answered, he couldn't even be bothered to tell him not to barge in there while Jude was there, but he'd be half way there before he even got to don't.

* * *

Jude was waiting in Studio A for Dave, equipment ready, she decided to do Heavily Broken acoustic, raw, she felt it was meant to go that way, the way she felt. She kept tapping her pen alongside the soundboard looking over the lyrics, seeing if anything needed changing before she recorded it. Two minutes later Dave walked through the studio doors, she looked up at him "Finally" she sighed out. "So I guess you have something?" He asked. "Yeah." She said handing him the paper. He scanned over it, "Then go record it, girl."

Girl, wow she hadn't heard that for awhile and somehow it didn't bother her.

She walked into the sound booth and sat down on the stool, and began to strum her acoustic.

Tommy walked over to Studio A, he hesitated barging in, he was scared, he didn't want to admit it but, he was. Just when he got the courage to knock on the door he heard the acoustic, and then her voice.

_Everyday I sit here waiting,_

_Everyday just seems so long,_

_And now I've had enough of all the hating,_

_Do we even care?_

_It's so unfair._

He knew he couldn't go in there yet, he just stood there listening, wanting to hear the rest of her song, it was powerful, he knew it was about what she went through the past year and a half, the pain, and that was just from the first verse. He just didn't know all of what caused it.

_Anyday it'll all be over,_

_Anyday, there's nothing new,_

_An I'm just trying to find some hope to hold onto,_

_And it starts again, _

_It'll never end._

_I'm heavily broken, _

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking?_

_And I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken _

_And there's nothing I can do_

_No no no no no…_

She could feel the tears that were threatening to fall

_Almost giving up on trying_

_Almost heading for a fall_

_And now my mind is screaming out _

_I gotta keep on fighting_

_But then again, _

_It doesn't end._

_I'm heavily broken, _

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking?_

_And I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken _

She put everything she had into the last part, feeling the emotion flow from her, the pain a little less hurtful.

_Feels like I'm drowning_

_I'm screaming for air_

_Screaming for air_

_And louder I'm crying_

She screamed out the last line then went a little softer

_And you don't even care-_

_I'm heavily broken, _

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking?_

_And I can't even move_

_What can I do?_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_There's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken…_

_Yeaeahh-_

_I'm heavily broken, _

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking_

_I'm choking, I'm choking_

_And I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken…_

She barely whispered the last part.

_And there's nothing I can do_

_And there's nothing I can do_

She felt the tears fall from her eyelashes to her cheeks; but she didn't wipe them away, releasing every emotion she had, she let them fall.

* * *

Hoped you like it.

I spent like fifteen minutes listening to the acoustic version of 'Heavily Broken' from the 'When It All Falls Apart' single because the lyrics are a bit different to fit in. I know I'm in the U.K. and nothing of The Veronicas is out over here, at least I don't think. I got them imported cause I love The Veronicas music! :

So, hope the lyrics are right. The chapters are getting longer. : I just finished chapter 7 yesterday, so I'm ahead now, and it's longer. ;

Please review.

Kirsty.


	6. Confrontations

Thank you to who reviewed. ; So I hope you all liked the last chapter. I'm updating today instead of tomorrow, cause my laptop is being a pain, and the connection is going all the time, so I might not be able to update in the next couple of days, so doing it now, while the connection is staying.

Anyway, I don't own anything from Instant Star

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Confrontations

Releasing all the feelings she locked up when he left was hard, it exhausted her.

She knew he was listening, she could feel it, she always knew when he was around, she'd get this feeling in the pit of her stomach, kind of like butterflies but ten times worse and sometimes it took the better of her.

"Hey, Dave-"

"Yeah?" he replied.

"We done here?

"Yeah, for now, got it one take." He answered, she was glad of that; she couldn't go through that again. "Go take a break, you deserve it." She didn't even wait until he finished speaking, she needed to get out, she needed a bigger space between her and that door. She opened the door and saw him, back against the wall, she stood frozen.

* * *

He couldn't get the song out of his head, it was better than anything she had written, it was painful and personal, it was her best yet, and somehow it didn't comfort him, knowing he had caused most of it.

_Feels like I'm drowning_

_I'm screaming for air_

_Screaming for air_

_And louder I'm crying_

_And you don't even care- _

It screamed at him, replaying until he couldn't hear anything but the true meaning of the words in her voice when she sang it. She was drowning in all the memories, all the tears; she tried to get out, but she couldn't and the harder she tried, the more se thought he didn't care.

He heard the door open and there she was, stood frozen looking at him. He never got a good look at her when he walked into the meeting room, he couldn't see her face, couldn't see her eyes. But there she was, beautiful as ever even with her tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes.

He could see through her façade, still see her soul, there was something different about her, darker, damaged and he knew not all of it was from him. He knew she was hiding something, just like him. "Hi" he managed to get out.

She saw him staring back at her but didn't really register it until she heard his voice, "Hi" she come out of her daze, she opened her mouth to say something but she couldn't. "Jude-" he started, then she really came back to reality the way he said her name the way he always used to, and the way she used to fall harder every time. Past tense. Used to. Things changed, and so did she. She looked down to the floor, but she wasn't going to be a coward like he was, she stared at him, straight in his eyes, and walked past him coldly. She could feel his eyes following her, burning her, she couldn't take it, she needed to go somewhere, she knew she couldn't go to the alleyway; he'd follow her, so she ran to where he wouldn't be able to, the Woman's Bathroom. She opened the door and ran into one of the stalls. She started crying and slouched down the door. After she dealt with everything, when things got better and after she found out about Tommy coming back, she promised herself that would be the last time she'd cry over him, the song, wasn't just about him, so that didn't count. She thought he was stronger than this, but here she was, almost nineteen, but feeling like she was sixteen all over again.

She heard the door open from outside, wondering who it was, it couldn't be Tommy, he wouldn't, would he? She couldn't tell anymore, she didn't know him. "Jude" Sadie's voice echoed through the bathroom. "I saw what happened…" Jude opened the stalls door, Sadie sighed of what she saw.

"Jude-"she started

"Don't Sades."

"I wasn't going to." She grabbed Jude's arm and pulled her into a hug.

"Jude, go home"

"But Sade's-"

"No, Jude, go home, go pack for tour, you only got two days-"she said more forceful this time"

"It's only one o'clock-""

"Go home." she tried again a little softer, "You finished your song, right?"

"Yeah, but-"Jude tried reasoning but Sadie wasn't having it.

"Well, I'll tell Darius you've been feeling ill all morning and that you wanted to stay to do the song. You've finished and gone home. How about that?"

Jude just nodded her head, "Do you need a ride, I noticed you never brought your car…"

"Yeah, I'll ask Jamie; do you know where he is now?" she asked Sadie.

"He should be in Studio C with Kwest and Patsy." She answered.

"Okay…-"Jude went to walk out, but put her hand on the handle and turned around, "Sades?" Sadie turned around "Yeah?"

"Thanks." She said, really meaning it, Sadie smiled at Jude, "What are sisters for?"

Jude smiled back, and walked out the door, heading for Studio C.

When she got there, the door was open and she saw Patsy singing into the bullet mic, Kwest and Jamie at the soundboard listening, "Knock, Knock" she said walking into the room, Kwest nodded his head up to her, acknowledging her presence a little busy to talk. "Hey, Jamie, can we talk…outside?"

"Yeah, sure." He said getting up from his chair and walking outside with Jude.

"So, what's up?" He asked "I'm not feeling too good, Sadie told me to go home, could you give me a ride?"

"Yeah, okay, just let me tell Kwest"

* * *

Sadie watched Jude walk out, feeling good knowing that her little sister would be at home and away from Tom Quincy. She knew they needed to talk now, for Jude's sake. She walked out of the bathroom and saw him, walking out to the back alley; she had her chance, so she followed him out.

"Tom" she said coldly as she shut the alley door behind her.

"Sadie" he replied with sarcasm.

"We need to talk, now." She stated firmly.

"Okay..." he replied, not bothered, he wanted to talk in the first place.

"I need you to stay away from Jude."

"Sadie-"

"No, stay away from her, Tommy she's hurting, just like before, and I can't see her go down that road again, I can't…" She trailed off, tears springing to her eyes.

"When she's like that I can't stand it, and I won't." she stopped to wipe the tears.

"She told me everything you know…"she started again, "and I mean _everything, _I spent weeks after you left trying to get her to eat, she couldn't sleep, she put up this wall when anyone was around her, trying to convince us she was okay, that she wasn't crying, I heard her every night, crying herself to sleep, and that was on a good day. She got better, she is better, and now you're back. Do not go near her, don't mess her up again. Don't break her."

For the first time since he got back, he was speechless, didn't know what to say, the information Sadie just told him, he couldn't comprehend.

She knew he was processing everything, "Stay away from my little sister, Tom, I meant it" she finished walking back into G Major.

He knew she meant it, but he needed Jude, he needed her to understand why he left, understand why he left her, he just wanted to speak it her. He had to.

* * *

Jamie pulled up outside the Harrison household, Jude got out of the car when Jamie asked "Are you going to be okay on your own?"

"Yeah, just going to lay down for a bit, I'll be fine, go back to G Major." She didn't want to lie to Jamie, but he's put on this whole speech, which right now she didn't want to hear.

"Okay, you sure?"

"Go Jamie" she said, closing the car door after her, she waved goodbye as he drove off. She walked up to her house and unlocked the door. She didn't really want to pack, but she knew she had to otherwise she wouldn't be ready in time for Friday. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and went upstairs to pack.

She didn't know how long she was up there, but it felt like forever, she hated packing; it was the worst thing about going on tour. She heard the door close from downstairs, hoping it was Sadie. She grabbed her brush incase, she cautiously walked out of her room, and walked down stairs. She saw Sadie hanging up her coat.

"God Sadie, you scared me."

"Sorry…" She started noticing the brush "What were you going to do with that? Comb me to death?" She said with a smirk.

"Funny, you should wear a bell, you know." Jude said poking her tongue out to her sister.

"Real mature, Jude" Jude just smirked back.

"So have you packed anything, at all?" she replied with scepticism in her voice

"Yes, _mom. _I have almost finished, actually.

"Well, that's a first"

"Hey, no fair, I was twelve."

"Jude, we had to rush around to get you packed in time, we missed our plane." She said a smile playing on her mouth, reliving the memory.

"Well, I have done, so there." Jude replied. Sadie decided to go and pack also, since there wasn't much time, and with all her clothes, she needed the time.

Three hours past and Jude was in Sadie's room with her, helping her pack, she was humming the tune to Heavily Broken, when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Sadie said, walking out of the room to answer the door.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking back at the stairs, watching to see if Jude came down.

"I need to talk to Jude"

"I told you-"

I know what you said Sadie…" he stated cutting her off.

"But she needs to know-"Sadie decided to cut him off this time.

"No-"she started a little too loudly; Jude heard from upstairs and wondered what was happening.

"No, she don't Tom, now leave." She replied, quieter this time, attempting to close the door, but his foot was in the way.

"Not until I tell Jude, she has the right to know-"he was cut off this time, but not by Sadie.

"Tell me what?"

:o Hope you liked it. Kind of a cliffy there. I don't know when I'll be updating next, hopefully it'll be in the next couple of days. : Please review. Thanks.

Kirsty.


	7. What You Know, Doesn't Have To Hurt

"Tell me what

So, first of, thank you to who reviewed, hope you're liking this story so far, and hope you don't mind a long story.

So, we all know Tommy's got something to tell Jude, you don't find out just yet. ;

I'm hoping to make it long, but haven't decided properly yet.

I wrote this song, hope you like it. ;

And last of, I do not own anything from Instant Star. I wrote the song, So I do own that. ;

So, on with the story,

* * *

What You Know, Doesn't Have To Hurt Anyone.

"Tell me what?" There Jude stood at the top of the stairs

Sadie turned around to look at her "Nothing, Jude…" She started then looked back at Tommy "It's nothing." Giving him a stern look. Jude looked between Tommy and Sadie, then straight back at Tommy.

"I repeat, tell me what?" Sadie looked at Tommy pleadingly not to tell her.

"Sadie's right, it's nothing." He replied, not looking at her.

"Look at me and tell me that" she knew he wasn't telling the truth.

"Jude-"Sadie said looking over at her, knowing that Tommy wouldn't be able to look at her and lie.

"Look. At. Me." She repeated again. He looked at her, straight at her and lied.

"There's nothing to tell." He answered her question. She knew he was lying, again.

"I can't believe you." She said, walking back into Sadie's room. After they heard the door slam. Sadie turned back to Tommy "Thank you."

"Don't Sadie, I lied this time, you know she didn't believe me." He said and walked of to his viper.

"I know" Sadie whispered to no one in particular. She ran out of the door to catch him. "Tommy" she shouted, she knew Jude would have heard, but she needed to get it out. He looked at her.

"I never told her, I never told her what went on, I never told her you phoned, I never told her where you were and I never told her why. It wasn't her burden to bare, and it still isn't. That's why I need you not to tell her, I know Kwest won't, I know Darius won't, so please, don't." she pleaded, needing him to understand.

He knew she didn't tell Jude, he heard it in her voice when she told him Jude didn't want to speak to him; she was never a good liar.

"She will find out Sadie, she always does, you know that." And with that he got into his car and drove off, leaving Sadie standing there.

* * *

She heard Sadie shouting, so looked out the window; she saw them there, talking, but she couldn't hear anything.

She saw Sadie coming back in, so she continued packing. "So, what was all that about?" she asked Sadie when she came through her door.

"It was nothing, just a little disagreement."

"Yeah, right. I know you're both keeping something from me." She was getting frustrated now, why couldn't they tell her, didn't they think she could handle it.

"Well, you'd be the one to know about secrets." As soon as she said it, she wished

she could take it. Jude was speechless;

"Jude, I-"

"Save it Sades" Jude said, not wanting to hear she's sorry about bringing that up, she just walked out coldly walking past Sadie.

She couldn't believe she's bringing that up, her own sister… She pulled out her phone and dialled the number she's done a lot this past year.

"Hey, I know it's late, but could you meet me at the rehearsal space, I need to talk to you?"

"Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I can…" he answered.

"Thanks, I'll meet you there, bye." She grabbed her packed bags, from earlier and opened the window, throwing her bags out. Walking to the door, she slowly crept out, careful so Sadie wouldn't hear. She walked past Sadie's room, but it was shut, which she didn't know was a good or bad thing. She tiptoed down the stairs and when she almost got to the door she heard Sadie, "and where do you think you're going? She said casually, like what she said didn't happen. "Away from you" She replied not turning around to look at her. "Jude, I'm sorry about earlier…" She started, Jude knew she was going to go into this whole sorry speech and that she didn't think, she was blonde after all. She looked at Sadie "So am I." and with that Jude walked out without another glance, heading for the rehearsal space.

* * *

She just watched Jude walk out, she couldn't believe Jude didn't even fight back, argue with her, that wasn't like her. She knew she really hurt her by saying that, and she'd really have to make it up to her, but right now, she needed to make sure she was okay.

So she phoned the one person she knew would know where Jude was going.

"Hey-"

"Sadie?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's Sadie- it's about Jude, do you know where she's going."

"No, I don't" he lied.

"Come on, I know Jude would of phoned you."

"Yeah, okay she did, I know where she's going, and I'm gonna meet her-" Sadie cut him off.

"Tell me-"

"and nope, I'm not going to tell you. She sounded upset on the phone, so she needs to be alone Sadie, I'm only going cause she wants me too." He finished, as he hung up.

* * *

Jude walked into the rehearsal space, dropping herb bags on the floor, looking around to see if anyone was in there already.

"Hello, Speed?" She called out, wanting to know if Speed made it yet, she knew Sadie probably called him, trying to get information out of him. She just hoped she knew him enough to know that he didn't tell her. Her phone vibrated, she looked at the caller ID, and already knowing it was Sadie already, she didn't bother answering.

It was eleven thirty, Speed was late. She went to her bags, searching for something.

She found it, the Journal, she packed it for tour, just incase. Flipping through the pages, she grabbed her pen and started to pour out what she was feeling.

It was time, even though she was still beyond hurt and mad and Tommy, he was back, nothing she could do about it and she wanted to get over him, this was the second step, the third hearing what he wanted to say, and the fourth, the truth.

She was so distracted by writing the song; she didn't notice Speed walk into the Rehearsal Space. He watched her, sitting there against the sofa, knees up to her chest, with the journal on her lap, writing, he walked over to her "Hey" he whispered out, sitting down by her. "Hey"

"So, Sadie phoned me, seconds after you apparently ran out." He asked wanting to know why.

"Yeah, needed to get away from her."

"Why?"

"Because…" she started looking up at him, "Everything was fine with us, we were actually acting like sisters should, and then she brought up _that_." She told him, he knew exactly what_ that_ was.

"Oh-"he replied, not knowing what to say, she sighed saying…

"Yeah, I just, I don't know, I just thought she of all people, wouldn't do that."

She looked down at what she wrote, surprised by what was there. He noticed what she was looking at, "Sing it"

"It doesn't even have a melody yet-"

"Jude, just sing it, go with it…" He said, knowing she needed to get everything out. He knew she wasn't going to cry, she never did over that, she just did nothing and she needed to get it out.

"Fine." She replied, knowing he wasn't going to give up. But before she could, they both heard a knock on the door, He got up to answer it.

"Hey, is Jude here?" Jamie asked, Speed nodded over to Jude, who was looking at the door.

"Yeah, she is." He said, letting Jamie through the door.

"Jude, we've been worried-"he started, Jude just looked up at him "Sadie phoned me, after you left." He finished noticing her confusion.

"Great, she's probably phoned the police by now too."

"Why'd you leave?" Jamie asked, ignoring Jude's sarcasm. She hadn't told Jamie about _that_, she hadn't told anyone, except Sadie, Speed & Darius, and that was only because she had to.

"We got into a fight, just needed some space, its sill really." She lied.

"Okay, I better go then, just wanted to know you were okay, I'll tell Sadie where you are…" she didn't even argue that, Sadie knew better than to come here.

"See ya, Jude" Jamie said, getting up and walking back out of the Rehearsal space.

"Yeah, bye." She replied.

"So…" Speed started, sitting back down beside Jude "I guess you never told Jamie." He stated more than asked. "No." She said, looking down at her knees then back at Speed. "I never told anyone else Speed, I couldn't, I didn't want anyone to know, it's personal, and I didn't want them to feel sorry for me." She told him, wanting to drop the subject. "So, you still wanna hear the song?" she asked.

He nodded, thinking over what she just said. Was she ashamed? Did she regret it? They kept running through his head, he needed answers, but for now, he'd let it be, knowing she wasn't ready to talk about it yet. "Okay, it's not really finished, rough draft…"

"Just sing what you have, Harrison." He said, playing with her.

_Listen up, cause_

_I wanna tell you something_

_It's my dirty little secret_

_And it's been hidden,_

_For so long._

_X-X_

_I was heading for a fall,_

_But they stopped me_

_And I thought it was right_

_But they were wrong, so_

_I'm ready to tell…_

_X-X_

_And it's suicide _

_But I'm tempted_

_And I don't care_

_That it's suicide_

_Cause I can't keep pretending_

_It's not suicide._

_X-X_

_So listen to, what I'm saying_

_Because, it's not what I'm meaning_

_And it's not what I'm thinking_

_So let me be your dirty little secret._

_X-X_

_Its suicide_

_But I'm tempted_

_And I don't care_

_That it's suicide_

_Cause I can't keep pretending_

_It's not suicide._

_X-X_

_So now, you know_

_Look at me and tell me yours_

_And I'm not gonna lie_

_Cause you're my suicide_

_X-X_

_it's suicide_

_But I'm tempted_

_And I don't care_

_That it's suicide _

_Cause I can't keep pretending_

_Yeahh, No, I can't keep pretending_

_Its suicide_

_And I'm tempted_

_But I don't care_

_That were suicide_

_And I'm not pretending_

_Its suicide_

X-X

So let me know,

_Cause I wanna be your dirty little secret._

He knew she never dealt with this, not really, and this was her way, but they needed to talk, he needed to deal with it too, because he never did.

She looked up at him nervous, she didn't want him to get the wrong idea, and she didn't know how he felt about it. "So…, what do ya think?" He didn't know what to say, "It's, uh, it's good" He know he sounded like an idiot, but he didn't care.

"Thanks" she whispered looking down; there was a comfortable silence between.

Jude looked at her phone; it was almost two in the morning. "Speed, it's getting late-"

"Yeah, I should get going…" He said, getting up. "Yeah, I guess." she didn't want him to go. "Speed, don't go-"

"You want me to stay?" He asked, smiling down at her.

"Yeah, I do." she answered, meaning every word.

"Okay" he replied as he sat back down beside her.

Half hour later, they were both tired, it was already almost half two in the morning, and they had to be in the studio at nine.

"I'm glad you stayed." she said, half asleep, leaning her head on his shoulder, he looked down at her, already asleep.

"Me too." He whispered into her hair, kissing her on the forehead, leaning his head on hers.

* * *

Okay, hope you liked that, I didn't have a good ending for this chapter, so hope it was good enough. Jude & Speed do have a secret. ; Again, don't find out yet, probably find out on tour, both the secrets. So, I won't be able to update, until like Monday or something, because my connection keeps going, it toally went comput asmorning, so my mum phoned broadband and it's working for now, but need a new cable. So yeah, don't know when I'll be able to update because of it. Getting a new cable Monday, so probably be then. ; If that makes sense.

Please Review.

Kirsty.


	8. The Day Before & After

Okay, ; Thanks for reviewing. ; So, this is just a filler chapter, it's skipped a day ahead, so it's the day before tour. There be some flashbacks from Speed & Jude from what happened the next day, from chapter 7, if you get that. I confuse myself, so I will probably confuse you. ;

Again, the song used, is mine ; and I don't own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

The Day Before & After

Jude walked into G Major at ten past nine, she was getting better at not being late, she was only ten minutes. Darius announced yesterday that they could leave early, to finish of packing and to get some rest, for tour tomorrow. She was already packed, her stuff still at the Rehearsal Space, and she talked to Sadie, she remembered vivid how that went.

-Flashback-

Jude was in the studio early that morning, wanting to record Dirty Little Secret before the tour, she was waiting for Dave to come in to go over everything. She knew how to set up and produce herself, but, for Darius sake and to keep the peace, she let Dave help her and look over her songs. She got impatient and decided to go out to the lobby to see who else was out there. She saw Sadie coming through the doors, she didn't want to speak to her, she quietly back stepped into Studio A, hoping she wouldn't see her. Unfortunate for her, Sadie did. "Jude" her voice shouted through the almost empty lobby. She put a fake smile on, "Hey, Sadie, I uh, gotta go record…"

"Jude, Dave isn't even in yet, come on, we need to talk." She said grabbing Jude by the arm and pulling her into one of the studio's, not letting her argue with her.

"Jude" she started, "I'm sorry about last night, I didn't meant to say that, I didn't mean to bring it up, I was just agitated and it just came out, I'm sorry." she finished in one breath.

"Whoa, Sades slow down. I know, I know, it's just, coming from you it hurt. I didn't mean to run off last night, I just needed some space, I needed to talk to Speed, but you phoned Jamie, and well, you know the rest…"

"Yeah, sorry about that, I was just worried. I'm really sorry, I am" Sadie said meaning it.

"It's fine, really."

"No Jude, it's not. How about I take you to lunch, when we get off, and talk about things" she asked. "Yeah, I'd like that" Jude replied, she knew Sadie was sorry.

She saw Dave come into the lobby, looking behind her Sadie saw what she was looking at. "Jude, go record. I'll see ya later." She said walking over to her desk.

Jude walked over to Dave, "Hey, Jude, ready to record?" He asked as she walked up to him. "Yup, meet you in there, just going to get some coffee." She said before Dave went to walk into the studio.

She was on her last chorus, and then she could go and meet Sadie.

_its suicide_

_But I'm tempted_

_And I don't care_

_That it's suicide _

_Cause I can't keep pretending_

_Yeahh, No, I can't keep pretending_

_Its suicide_

_And I'm tempted_

_But I don't care_

_That were suicide_

_And I'm not pretending_

_Its suicide_

_-x_

_So let me know,_

_Cause I wanna be your dirty little secret._

"Great take, one more, and I think it's done."

She sighed, she thought she sang it just fine; she just wanted to get out of here, go meet Sadie for lunch and finish the rest of the day, and relax at the rehearsal space. The only time she'll be able to since tour was only a day away.

So she sang it again

_Listen up, cause_

_I wanna tell you something_

_It's my dirty little secret_

_And it's been hidden,_

_For so long._

_-x_

_I was heading for a fall,_

_But they stopped me_

_And I thought it was right_

_But they were wrong, so_

_I'm ready to tell…_

Finally she was finished and she could take a break. She saw Sadie still working so decided to wait on the couches near the reception desk. She hadn't seen Tommy all day, he was avoiding her, she could tell. She didn't even know if he was in or not.

"Hey, Sades?" she asked, "Yeah?" Sadie responded looking from her desk to Jude.

"Has Tommy come in today?"

"No, he called in sick" she lied "Why do you wanna know?"

"Just asking… We still on for lunch?"

"Yeah, I don't clock off for another 30 minutes, though. Mind waiting?"

"Nope, nothing better to do." She replied as she saw Speed walking into Studio C.

"I'll be back soon, gonna talk to Speed." She said, before walking into Studio C to see Speed.

"Hey, Speed, can I talk to you for a min-"she stopped speaking at who she saw. Kwest, SME, and Tommy, listening to SME's new song Gone Before The Morning.

"-ute" she finished as they all turned to look at her. "What?" Speed asked not hearing her the first time.

Kwest turned down the music. "Can I talk to you a minute?" She repeated.

"Uh, yeah."

He was nervous, they never talked about last night, he left to go home before she woke up, needing to get clean clothes

They walked out, closing the door behind him. She looked over at the Reception Desk, Sadie wasn't there.

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" He asked.

"Where you go asmorning?"

"Went home to get some clean clothes, I went back, you left. So I just came here then." He answered. "Oh"

"Why?" People have been asking her that question a lot lately.

"Just worried, that's all."

"Aww." He replied, making fun of her, she playfully slapped him across the head.

"Hey!" He protested, she just poked her tongue out at him. She noticed Sadie back at her desk.

"Gotta go" she said "Oh and Speed, I'll be at the Rehearsal Space again, bring the guys, have a little going back on tour blow out." He saluted her and walked back into Studio C. She walked up to Sadie "Hey, I'm ready to go, if you are" Sadie said, seeing Jude come up to her.

"I thought you said he wasn't in today" Jude said, not answering Sadie and getting to the point

"He's not" she replied, lying, knowing what she was talking about.

"You're lying to me."

"No, I'm not" she lied again.

""You are!" She raised her voice, a little too loudly, "I saw him, in Studio C."

"Oh"

"Stop lying to me Sadie, you're the one person I can't take it from." she said, anything but calm. "Oh and by the way, I'm not coming home, and lunch is off" she stated, walking away from the one person she thought she trusted. Okay, so it was a little over dramatic, but it's more than that, if Sadie can lie to her about that, she could lie to her about over things, she knew she was hiding someone from her since Tommy got back. She walked back into Studio C, SME were gone out for lunch. Kwest noticed her there "I'm gonna make a sandwich, yeah that's it." He said, not wanting to be in the fire that was liable to start. She noticed Tommy wouldn't look at her when she came in, didn't the last time either. She sat down in Kwest's chair and started playing with the soundboard, knowing that annoyed him enough to at least look at her.

The next thing she knew, his hand was on hers, stopping it from moving. She felt it, and she knew he did too. The spark was still there, the electric spark that could have caught fire, but blew out when he left. She wiped her hand away, feeling like she just got burned.

"Stop," He finally spoke up "messing with the soundboard." He was cold and distracted. "Tommy-" He wouldn't look at her.

"Look at me." He still wouldn't "Look. At. Me." She demanded again, getting Déjà vu. He was being one stubborn pain in the ass. How could he ignore her? He wanted to talk to her, and she wouldn't, but she had reason, what was his?

"Fine, this was a bad idea anyway- " she started saying, getting up to go out, he grabbed her arm. "Jude."

"Let go of me Tommy-" They were close, too close, and he was staring at her, with his intense blue eyes she used to get lost in and starting to again, he had this look on his face she never saw before and then, he let go of her.

"You wanted to talk?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did, but like I said this was a bad idea." She said, wanting to get out of the now claustrophobic room, she didn't like what she was feeling.

She looked at him again, about to say something but decided against it, and walked out.

He blew it, he knew that, he was ready to tell her yesterday, and she wanted to talk, but when he saw her, ready to tell her secret to him, he couldn't tell his.

Before he knew it, the same old feelings were back, the ones he tried to keep locked away the past year, and he still couldn't

-End Flashback-

* * *

She also remembered the party, at the rehearsal space, everyone she invited came, Speed, Wally, Kyle, Mason, Patsy, Jamie and even Karma but,

it didn't go as planned. First of all, it was okay, music, talking and then Patsy went and got alcohol, and then had to watch said person make-out with Jamie.

Don't get her wrong, she was happy for him that he found someone else, but did he have to rub it in her face?

She got drunk, and then things got really weird. She vaguely remembered kissing Speed, and now she's got a hangover. Life couldn't get any worse, only if that saying was true.

Jude blew out a sigh, yesterday wasn't what she expected, she was going to tell Tommy the truth... But then, well, that happened and she could tell he was going to back out from what he wanted to tell her, and she wasn't going to bare her soul out to him, let him see her cry and reject her by not telling the truth to her... Things were supposed to be fine before tour, but for Jude, she's mad at her sister for lying to her, her parents don't seem to care, don't know how she feels about Speed and if he even remembered about last night, got reacquainted with Tommy and might have fallen for him again, even though she'd deny it, and now, she's going on tour with all of them. What freaking fun.

She also got the bus arrangements yesterday and didn't like it one bit. She was staying on the bus with Wally, Kyle, Mason, and to top it off, Speed & Tommy. Did God hate her or something?

Let the games begin.

* * *

Woot, so are you dying to know the secrets? :

They'll be told soon.

Next chapter will be the first on the tour.

Please review. ;

Kirsty.


	9. Touring Again

Hey, thanks for reviewing. ; This is the first chapter of tour; I'm not from Canada, so I looked up the places, so I don't know if it's wrong or not. My friend Britt's from Canada, so I'm gonna ask her to help with that. Also, I don't know what the inside of a tour bus looks like, so tried to find out with pictures, and come up with what I did. ; So bare with me, i'm not good at Geography ;

I do not own anything from Instant Star or the places mentioned.

* * *

So, here we are again, touring. They were starting first off close to home, and then expanding across the country, Quebec, Montreal, Vancouver…etc…

Goodbye sanity and hello craziness. Jude stood there, in front of the bus, watching them load the equipment; they kept their bags with them on the bus.

It was going to a long ride, and she was already looking forward to it. Last time was fun, being on the road, with a bunch of guys, pranking eachother and making music. But things had changed since then, she'd changed, Speed had changed, Wally and Kyle, not so much.

There were more artists, another bus, and Tommy.

Staying in a confined space for a couple of months with him will drive her nuts.

She was just glad she had Mason, and speaking of the she devil himself.

"Hey cowboy" Jude said, noticing Masons new cowboy hat,

"Harrison" He replied tipping the hat. "So, ready for tour?" he asked

"Yes, maybe, no." she confessed, "You?"

"Yeah, just weird leaving home for awhile."

She got that, but home wasn't home for her anymore. "At least you got your sister with you." He said lightening the mood

"Yeah, don't remind me."

"What happened now?" He asked, knowing between those two, anything.

"Nothing really, she just keeps lying to me and I got annoyed, went all maniac on her in G Major"

"Yeah, heard about that." They stood there, looking at there surroundings, looking at G Major, silently saying goodbye until they get back.

She saw everyone coming out from G Major, to say goodbye and wish them luck on tour. They were leaving soon. Patsy, Sadie, Kwest, Karma and Jamie were already on the second bus. Jamie asked Darius if he could go with them, wanting to be with Pats, and surprisingly he agreed.

"Hey, I'm going up, coming?" Mason asked her, talking about the tour bus.

"Yeah, in a minute, I need to talk to Speed about the other night."

"Okay, saw that by the way. Needless to say, sparks Harrison."

"Mase, shut up" she said playfully, watching him climb into the bus.

She saw SME heading toward the bus, so she walked up to them.

"Hey guys, do you mind if I talk to Speed?" she asked

"Yeah, go ahead, but no making out before tour and actually on the bus, we need to keep our breakfast." Kyle said, talking about the party. Speed looked over them, warningly. They took no notice and walked to the bus.

"So, about the other night…" Speed started, "Yeah… about that" Jude said, joining in. Speed decided to make it easier for her "It was a mistake, we were both drinking, kind of happened?" he offered out

"Yeah, I guess… Are things weird between us now?" she asked him

"Nope" he replied, pulling her in for a hug

"Good" she accepted it, "I just didn't want us being weird with eachother, like last time and…"

"Jude, its fine, honestly, no weirdness." He smiled down at her, breaking the hug. "Going on the bus?" He asked.

"Yeah, lets go." She said, walking to the bus, pulling him along with her.

They got on the bus and the guys started making kissing noises, Speed gave them death glares, and Jude walked over to them, one by one, hitting them across the head, starting with Mason. She looked around the bus, nothing had changed, same interior, same leather couches, the entertainment station was upgraded, thanks to Darius, and they had more DVD's this time. It was a little tidier, since she last saw it, but they'd soon change that.

She saw Masons bag, acoustic, and cowboy hats on the left side top bunk, claiming it his.

She dropped her stuff on the bottom bunk, above his, claiming hers. She noticed Tommy wasn't on the bus yet, they only had a couple of minutes before they were off. "So, anymore jokes need to be said before we leave and get serious?" she asked Kyle and Wally mainly. "Nope, a question though" Wally started "So, how long have you and Speed been getting it on?" Kyle finished just as Tommy walked onto the bus. Jude saw them looking at the door, and looked herself to see what the hell they were looking at. She wished she hadn't. "And the games begin" she muttered under her breath, breaking eye contact with Tommy, "Were leaving now." He said, choosing to ignore what he heard. They all heard the bus roar to life.

Jude sat down on the coach in the front lounge next to Mason. "Don't even say it" she whispered to Mason who was about to open his mouth. Everyone felt the atmosphere change when he walked in and things were awkward, silence, no one saying nothing. Speeds phone echoed through the bus, cutting the silence, "Y'ello?" He asked into the phone, "Yeah, wait a minute…" he said, covering the phone with his hand, "Jude, it's Sadie, she wants to talk to you…"

"Why didn't she just call me?" she asked him telling him to tell her.

"She said she did, your phones off." He answered for Sadie, Jude went to her bunk where her jacket was and got her phone out, noticing it was indeed off, she tried to put it on to check the calls, it was dead.

"Great" she muttered. "My phones dead." She said, while walking back to the lounge area, she couldn't be bothered searching through her bags for the charger yet. Sadie heard what she said and told Speed just to pass the phone over to Jude.

"What do you want Sadie?" she said into the phone, irritated that her sister is already annoying her and they weren't even on the same bus.

"Dad called me, before we got on the bus, told me to wish you luck on the tour…"

"What? Why couldn't of he called me himself, my phone was on asmorning…" she asked, feeling hurt her own father, who got her into music, didn't even call her.

"Look, I don't know Jude, but whatever the reason…" Sadie started but Jude cut her off, not wanting to hear it.

"No Sadie, don't even bother, next time he calls you, tell him to just forget he got another daughter, it'd save me a lot of trouble" she said coldly before closing the phone, hanging up on Sadie and passing it back to Speed.

"What the hell was that about?" Speed asked her, while talking the phone.

"Nothing" she snipped back, noticing her harsh tone "Sorry." She hadn't meant to be like that with Speed, her father just pissed her off, she used to look up to him, now he just disappointed her.

They'd been on the road for a few hours now, and Jude was getting agitated, she needed something to calm her nerves, she needed coffee. Yeah, they had some in the kitchen area, but she wanted Starbucks.

"Hey Manny" she shouted to the front of the bus, hoping the driver would hear her. "Yeah?" she heard back. "Could you stop at the nearest Starbucks?"

"Sure, were ahead of schedule anyway."

"Thanks" she showed her gratitude.

She saw SME, and Mason looking at her, not Tommy though, he was going over the schedule. "What?" she asked the guys.

"Starbucks dude, we got coffee here." Speed said. "I like Starbucks" she replied, shrugging. He grinned at her. She was getting bored already, so she decided to go through her bag, to find her charger. She found it in the first bag, along with the Journal, she might as well write while waiting. She sat on her bunk, thinking. She thought of her parents, how they basically abandoned her the past two years, she thought about Tommy, how he abandoned her. Everyone she's loved has abandoned her, Shay. Her Mother. Her Father. Tommy. Jamie. Since Jamie's been with Patsy, they haven't really talked much. Sadie. Speed. They were the only ones who haven't left her, and she knew they wouldn't. They understood her. She was hypnotized, letting her heart do the writing. She didn't notice the bus stop.

"Jude!" Mason shouted out to her while walking out of the bus.

"Yeah, coming!" She shouted back, leaving the journal open and grabbing her jacket from the bunk.

"Oh my god! It's Starbucks!" Speed exclaimed, with mock enthusiasm, as Jude walked out of the bus. "Oh my god! Shut up Vin" she replied, with the same tone he used, kicking him playfully on the butt as she said it, he kicked her back. The three of them walked into Starbucks, Kyle and Wally already went ahead in. Tommy stayed in the bus, hearing his phone ringing.

* * *

"Hello?"

"T, how's the tour going so far?" Darius voice echoed through the receptor.

"It's going."

"Good. Wish Jude luck on the first gig tomorrow night." Darius said, before he hung up.

"Will do" Tommy whispered to the emptiness of the bus. He walked over to his bunk, grabbing his jacket, going to leave, but Jude's journal court his eye. He picked it up reading the title 'Just So You Know'.

Before he could read more, he heard a voice behind him.

"What're you doing?"

He turned around, and saw Jude, with two cups of Starbucks in her hand.

"I repeat, what're you doing?" she demanded. No answer.

She placed the coffee on the counter, and walked over to him, noticing the journal in his hands.

"I can't believe you" she said, the disbelief showing in her voice.

"I just came back to give you your Coffee, shouldn't of bothered."

She finished grabbing the journal out of his hands, and running out of the bus.

"Jude, wait" she heard him, "What?" she demanded harshly. "I didn't read it.-"

She had this yeah right look on her face "What, it just jumped into your hands?"

"Jude, I didn't read it, I swear."

She looked at the time; they were going to leave again soon. She noticed the guys walking out of Starbucks, heading for the bus.

She walked back in, straight to Tommy, "One time, I would have believed you." She saw the hurt flash in his eyes, he deserved it.

* * *

It was an hour since she found Tommy looking at her journal. She'd finished the song. She didn't notice anything going on around her, as she slipped into sleep. She felt exhausted and drained, and she had no clue why.

She woke up startled, feeling cold water poured onto her.

"What the-" she started, but was cut of with a throbbing pain beginning to form on her forehead, due to banging it on bottom of Masons bunk. She noticed Speed with the empty bucket, laughing. "Speed!" she shivered out, noticing the cold water start to soak through her clothes and her bunk.

"What?" he replied innocently, "Run." She replied, jumping out the bunk and going after Speed, hitting him when she caught him.

They both collapsed onto the couch a few minutes later.

"That hurt!" Speed exclaimed, rubbing his elbow, "Well, you poured cold water over me-"

"Hey I said I was sorry while you were hitting me" he said, cutting off Jude.

"-and my bunk is soaked" she carried on. "What you gonna do about that?" she finished.

"For the last time, I'm sorry" he replied "but were back on tour, carrying on from last time. Had to get you back."

"So it's already begun, I'm gonna get you back."

"You wish Harrison."

He was right though, she could never get Speed back, but this time, she was making it a priority to get him back.

"Well, excuse me while I ply these soaked clothes off, and have a shower to warm up, before I get the flu…and if I do, I'm blaming you" she said, while walking to the small bathroom they had on the bus.

Half hour later and Jude was still in there, so Speed decided to see what was taking her so long. He knocked. No Response. The door was unlocked, he slowly opened it, looking in, hearing a scream.

"Speed!" Jude shouted out, there she stood, in her underwear, she was just glad she wasn't naked.

"Speed!" she repeated, getting him out of his trance, "Sorry" he muttered and walked out.

Mason heard the scream and walked to the bathroom, he looked at Speed questionably. "What was that?"

"I, uh, walked in on Jude-"

"You what?" he asked, making sure he heard right.

"I walked in on Jude, don't worry she wasn't naked."

She walked out of the bathroom, noticing the little gathering and going red.

"Okay, I'm gonna…" Speed started "go into the lounge." He finished already walking away.

"God, that was…" Jude started saying "Embarrassing?" Mason finished for her. "No, not really." Mason looked at her confused.

"I mean, I'm just glad it was Speed, we've been together, not so embarrassing.

So glad it wasn't Wally or Kyle that would have been worse. Or-" She explained "Tommy?" Mason finished for her again.

"Yeah, now that would have been-"

"Shoot me now issue?"

"Mason, I swear, you know me-"she was cut off again

"Inside out?" he finished for her. It was true; he knew what she was going to say all the time.

"Wow that sounded vaguely dirty, even in my mind." Mason said. Jude just laughed at him. "Now, if you mind me Harrison, I'm gonna shower, and tell Speed, he's welcome to barge in on me anytime" He said winking. He always knew what to say to lighten the mood on a situation or when she needed to laugh.

She walked over to Speed, sitting by him, "So, that was-"she started, "Fun?" he offered out. "Not what I was going to say, interesting."

They talked in comfortable silence the next half an hour; they were working on her song, getting a beat to it. Tommy walked in ten minutes before, looking over some paperwork, and stealing glances at the two of them together, jealously was rearing.

Wally and Kyle sat down beside them, "So, Jude-"Kyle started, "Oh god" she whispered to Speed.

"You know, Speed barging in on you while you were changing, isn't really helping the whole not getting it on thing" Kyle finished, grinning at them.

"Hmm" she replied, choosing to ignore them.

"Not like I haven't seen it before" Speed voiced out, while everything was silent. He then realising what he just said

"Speed!" Jude exclaimed, shocked that he had said that.

She looked over at Tommy, hoping he hadn't of heard, he was staring back at her, with a mixture of emotions and questions, swirling around in his eyes.

"Oh God." She in audibly whispered.

Too late.

* * *

So, my chapters are getting longer ; Hope you like this one.

I'm back in school now so won't be updating as regular, but still like twice every week or something.

Please Review ;

Kirsty.


	10. The Truth: Part One

* * *

Okay, so I haven't updated for a week. School Stuff. So this chapter we get to know a certain someones reason.

I do not own anything from Instant Star, but the lyrics are mine, because I wrote it. ; The whole song will be in the next chapter. ;

* * *

**The Truth; Part 1**

Breathe. He was looking at her, she couldn't breathe. She needed him to stop looking at her. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. The bus stopped, why'd the bus stop? The door opened and Manny stepped through, "We gotta stop at the Gas Station, to fill up and check the tires, so you got a fifteen minute break." He said to Tommy, and then walked over to fill the bus up. Everyone piled out to stretch, and to get some snacks, and some air. Jude ran out first, needing to get out of the bus. She was going to panic. She saw Mason making her way over to her, noticing the panic overcome her "Hey, what happened back there?" he asked concerned.

"Speed." She started, beginning to hyperventilate. "Jude, breathe. In. Out." He said, trying to calm her down, she started breathing normal again, "After you went to shower, I was talking to Speed, Kyle and Wally came over and starting what they usually do…"

"Yeah?"

"Speed reacted without thinking, and basically threw out 'Not like I haven't seen it before."

"Oh my-"

"Yeah, exactly, and that isn't even the worse part-"she paused, trying to process everything that just happened.

"Tommy heard." She finished. Mason was speechless, didn't know how to react to that "So have you told him?"

"Told him what?"

"Have you told Tommy, about well, you know.." She just stared at him, not saying anything, but he new the truth when he saw her eyes.

"I'm going back to the bus." She said, not answering the question and walking of without another word. She walked onto the bus, wanting to just forget everything from the past half an hour, and write, but no such luck.

* * *

He was sitting there still, looked like he hadn't moved since they stopped.

He heard the door open, and the cold air leak into the bus, he turned and saw her standing there.

"Uh… I should just go…Yeah" she said turning around to walk back out.

"Wait-"he whispered, she could barely hear him. She swears she was cursed.

"I think we need to talk."

"Yeah" she replied. "No kidding." She sat down on the other side of the couch, she knew what was going to happen and didn't want to be sitting by him.

"So…" she started, "me first?"

He looked up at her, "What you heard-"

"I think I need to explain first" he said, cutting her off. "I owe you that."

She nodded.

"When I left, I didn't mean to run out on you without an explanation, and I didn't plan to hurt you either…" He started but paused when he heard her sigh.

"Jude, just let me explain." He pleaded, she looked up at him "Fine, continue."

"Let me just say what I have to say, and then you can ask questions."

"Okay" she said, getting impatient, they only had 7 minutes left before everyone started piling in again.

"I had to leave the way I did because my mother sent a friend of the family to find me. She knew I worked at G Major, so he started there and Darius told him where I'd be. He found me at your concert that night, and said that I had to go back home, it was urgent. He wouldn't tell me what had happened until I agreed and got on the plane. My sister, Elisa, they found her in her apartment, she'd overdosed, she was depressed and was a drug addict before that. Her kid, Lilia, was in the apartment, still asleep." He paused again, she could tell he was remembering everything that happened, like it was yesterday, and bringing it up again she could tell, he was giving everything, so she would know.

"When I called a month before, she said she was fine, that she was clean for a month now and Lilia was doing great in school. I guess things got pretty bad, and she couldn't handle it. I should have known, I should have been there, but I wasn't. When I got there, they blamed me for it. At her will reading, I was appointed Lilia's legal guardian, I wasn't ready to look after her, but I had to, I knew that. A year later, things were going pretty good, Lilia knew what had happened, she didn't fully understand, but she knew she wouldn't be seeing her mother again. Her father came back into the picture, wanting to have custody of her. He was an addict too. He said he'd cleaned up his act, and was clean for a year now. I didn't believe him, so we went to court, he won, since he was her biological father, and had a good job, but I stayed and watched over them for a couple of months, making sure what he said was true, and to keep it that way. He did, and I started to miss everything back home, miss you…" He trailed off.

Three minutes left.

"I never got a moment to myself, just to think, with everything that happened, to cared and provide for Lilia, I guess looking after a three year old, distracted me from everything. I phoned Darius and the rest is history." He finished. She was shocked; she couldn't believe what he went through. She realised just how much she never knew about Tommy at all

"Tommy, if I knew…" He cut her off. "You didn't Jude, so don't worry about it."

She had tears in her eyes, and for the first time, she didn't care if he saw.

"Jude…Come here." He said, motioning for her to sit by him. She did, but she didn't sit down. He stood up, touching her arm, pulling her in for a hug. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and smiled. They both needed it.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." He said, smelling her hair.

Speed walked onto the bus and saw them. It hurt him, he thought maybe after everything they could get back together, since lately he'd been feeling something towards her and he knew it was mutual. Tommy and Jude pulled apart. "We'll continue to talk later, okay?" he said, wanting to know what Jude was hiding.

"Yeah."

* * *

She looked at Speed, wondering why he hadn't said anything and why he kept avoiding her gaze. He went to his bunker. Everyone was on the bus now, and it was quiet, except for Kyle & Wally in the background. She and Mason were in the back lounge area, working on her song.

_It's my turn now, I'm having my say_

_Don't think for a second I'm over it_

_I can't breathe without you_

_But, I'll stand on my own_

_I didn't learn this from you _

_I knew it all along_

_So don't think for a second, cause I'm not over it._

x-

_Come on, you want to fight back_

_So go on and say it, it don't mean anything to me_

_You lost the privilege, so say what you want_

_I've woken up from this fall _

_Thank you for making me realise_

_x-_

_Just so you know_

_There's alot of things left unsaid_

_And just so you know_

_I can't stop thinking about you_

_And just so you know_

_I've ran out of time_

_I need you to know_

_Incase this message don't get through._

_x-_

"Should I swap the first verse for the chorus?" she asked, seeing what he thought.

"No, it's good the way it is, but you could ask Tommy…?"

She ignored him and carried on with the song.

Mason listened to the lyrics, knowing they were about Tommy, per usual, but something was different about them. He decided not to go further into that and continue what he was going to ask before she started singing again.

"So, what did happen between you and Tommy earlier?"

She looked at him and smirked, not answering his question. "I'm gonna see what Tommy thinks." She walked over into the front lounge where Tommy was, Mason following. She sat down by Tommy "Hey" she said, he looked up at her, smiling "Hey" Mason, sat on the other side watching the interaction between eachother.

"So, how long until we get to the hotel?" Mason asked, cutting the staring contest Jude and Tommy were having. He looked over at Mason, "Around 30 to 40 minutes. Won't be long." He replied.

"Could you look over this?" She asked him, passing the journal. He looked over it, noticing that was the song from earlier that she thought he read.

"It's good."

"So, you don't think the first verse should change for the chorus?"

"No, it's better the way it is." He replied.

Mason gave Jude a 'Ha, told you' look. She gave him a sarcastic smile.

They all saw Speed, walking over to the kitchenette getting some coffee, it was getting late and no one wanted to sleep until they got to the hotel.

Jude and Tommy were continuing talking about the song. Speed could hear them talking, and it annoyed him, how could Jude just be that mad at Tommy and then turn over and be a completely different person.

He heard her laugh, he hadn't heard that laugh since they were together, he could only make her laugh like that, now Tommy was stepping over him. He walked over to Mason, and sat down by him, talking just loud enough for Jude and Tommy to hear.

"So that wasn't long, she slept with him yet?" Masons jaw literally dropped when he heard that coming out of Speeds mouth. Jude just looked at him, completely shocked and frozen. Did she just hear right? Did Speed just say that?

"What?" she asked disbelieving, needing to make sure she heard right.

"You heard." He replied, cold.

"I can't believe, _you_, of all people would say that to me." She slammed back at him, she could feel the tears springing to her eyes, and ran into the bathroom.

"What the hell was that Speed?" Mason said, eyeing him. Tommy got up to walk over to the bathroom.

"St. Tommy to the rescue" Speed spoke, not even bothering to pretend he was talking to someone else. Mason, got up, looked at Speed, gave him a funny look then walked over to Tommy.

"Don't go in there…" he carried on before he could argue about it. "Going in there right now, won't help Jude, and it'll just cause more problems with Speed." He said as he walked over to the bathroom and knocking on the door.

"Jude-"

Her heart was pounding, the blood was banging against her ears and she could feel a headache coming on. She started getting angry, who did _he_ think he was saying that to her. He was the reason. God, he was the secret. There wouldn't even be a whole secret if it wasn't for him. The door knocked and hoping it wasn't Tommy, she couldn't face him right now, and god, it better not be Speed.

She heard Masons voice, and was so relieved.

"Jude, it's me- Open up." She opened the door, and rushed into his arms, needing a hug, and his company. They stood like that for a bit, and then Jude decided to let go, knowing they'd be stopping for the hotel soon.

Before Mason could say anything, she spoke first "I don't wanna talk about it." She stated, leaving that as the final word between them and opening the door and walking out again. She grabbed her bags and threw them in the middle of the lounge, they landed with a thud. Speed looked at her, she didn't look away. He saw something in there that he'd hadn't seen there before; hate.

That's when it actually hit him, what he said, what the meaning behind them, he can't believe he said that, it was like he was someone else. Mason walked over and picked up what slipped out of one of Jude's bags.

"Jude, why do you still have these?" he turned around to show her the envelope, he knew what they were without opening them.

God, what else could go wrong she thought as she saw the envelope.

"To remind myself-"she started, not wanting to be the victim anymore she was standing on her feet again. She looked Speed square in the eyes and finished "-of the biggest mistake I've made in my life." Not meaning the pictures. "But, you know what? I don't need them anymore; I have a permanent reminder already, meaning the mental scar. She took the envelope out of Masons hands, and ripped it in two, and then again. Tommy saw the pieces fall to the floor, he couldn't see exactly what they were, but he saw Jude in them. Kyle and Wally stayed in the back lounge, not wanting to be in on whatever was going on.

She grabbed her jacket and Ipod from her bunk and grabbed her journal of the couch and stuffed them into one of the bags. The bus stopped again, she picked up all her bags, weighing her down a bit, but she didn't want anyone's help

"I'm switching buses when we've finished here." She stated, from outside, Manny opened the door and Jude walked out without another word.

* * *

She got into the hotel lobby and dropped her bags and sat on one of the big chairs. She pulled out her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and dialled in Sadie's number. "Sades, I really need to talk to you-"

* * *

Okay, so I was going to tell both Tommy's and Jude's secrets, but it was going to be way long, which I don't think you'd mind, but thought I'd do it in two chapters. I won't be updating until next week though, got to translate this whole article for my Welsh coursework, so a lot to do. Please Review ;

Kirsty.


	11. The Truth: Part Two

Thank you to who reviewed

First of all, I am so sorry I haven't updated for almost two weeks. I was going to update Wednesday, but forgot, and then Thursday, I went to the hairdressers to get my hair done, no school cause of a teachers strike.. My cousin stayed over on that day, so wasn't able to update, and then Friday tried to go on here, and my internet connection has gone, I don't have wireless, and my ntl box thingy has gone, so no internet. It's all done now. ;

Thank you to who reviewed.

So, second part of The Truth, we finally get to know Jude & Speeds secret, and will Sadie spill without realising.

I don't own anything from Instant Star, I do own the song as I wrote it ;

* * *

**The Truth: Part 2**

"Sades, I really need to talk to you-"

"Okay, as soon as were sorted with the rooms at the hotel, hold a minute-" Jude heard rustling on the end of the line and then Sadie's voice again, "Sorry about that, just getting my stuff, you already at the hotel?"

"Yeah." She replied

"I'm out of the bus now, I'll meet you at the reception desk, need to get our room keys, and then we can talk."

"Okay." She said closing the phone and looking around the place, it was really nice, elegant gold pillars in the four corners of the lobby, making the place feel Greek. There was lilac flowers painted into the ceiling, but you could tell you were still in Canada through the four big flags covering the four plain white walls.

She saw Sadie walking through the hotels doors, and walked straight to the desk, going all 'Working Sadie' mode, she rang the annoying gold bell they always have.

"Hello, how can I help you?" the blonde short middle aged woman greeted them.

"Hi, yes, I believe we have five rooms booked under the name of Darius Mills" she said her voice foreign to Jude.

"Ah, yes. Darius Mills, you're the G Major group. Five rooms. One double. Four Singles."

"Yes, that's correct." Sadie confirmed. "Alright then, Miss-"

"Harrison" Sadie finished her.

"Miss Harrison, here are the key cards, Rooms, 25, 27, 29, 31 and 33.

25 and 27 are joined." She said, handing her the key cards.

"Thank you"

Jude knew they had to wait for the rest to come in, they'd be there in a minute and Jude didn't want to face Speed. "Sades?"

Sadie turned, hearing Jude's voice, "Can I just go up, I'm feeling really tired, and just wanna lay down" she said, asking for the key card, she wasn't totally lying, today was a long day, travelling, the emotional damage she'd sustained from both Tommy and Speed.

"Okay, you're with Karma and Patsy-"

"Great" she muttered "I'll tell them you're already up there so they don't have to wait." Sadie said, handing Jude the key card.

Jude picked up her luggage and got in the elevator pressing the second floor, and waited for it to stop.

She looked at the key card, noticing the number 25 on it, she had one of the adjoined rooms, hoping that Speed wasn't the one who had the other. She opened the door and walked in, not bothering to look around yet, dropping her bags, and collapsed on the bed she now claimed for the next few nights.

* * *

Sadie watched Jude walk into the elevator, wondering what the hell went on in that bus the past day. She saw the rest of the guys walk into the hotel, noticing Speeds demeanour wasn't his usual hyped up self. Tommy, was well, Tommy. Mason was looking in every direction but Speeds.

"Guys, over here" she shouted, getting there attention.

"Okay, first of, Karma, Patsy, you're with Jude in room 25, she's already up there, if you wanna go up-"They walked over to the elevator.

"Speed, Jamie, room 29. Wally, Kyle, room 31. Tom, Mason, room 27 and Kwest and I are in 33." She finished, handing everyone there key cards. She knew the order probably would change. Patsy would go in with Jamie. Mason would stay with Jude, and Karma would try and get in with Speed. She knew about Mason, so she was okay with that order. She wondered what Jude wanted to talk to her about, did Tommy tell her? God, she hoped not. She walked with Kwest, up to there room and put her bags down "Hey Kwest" she started getting is attention, he was starting to unpack some essentials he needed for the next couple of days. "Yeah?" he answered her "I'm gonna go over to Jude's room, she said she needed to talk to me earlier."

"Okay, see ya later." He replied.

* * *

Jude heard a knock it'd been fifteen minutes since Patsy left to Jamie's room, and Karma went to check out the hotel's spa.

"Who is it?" she asked, incase someone saw them come into the hotel, and it was a crazy fan, or Speed, wait, she'd rather go for the crazy fan.

"Jude, it's me" she heard Sadie's voice muffled voice through the wooden door. She got up and unlocked the door, then walked back to the bed.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked getting to the point.

"It's about-"

"Tommy" Sadie finished for her

"-and Speed." She paused.

"Well, Tommy told me everything-"Sadie cut her off.

"What? He told you everything…"

"Yeah." She replied.

"Jude, I swear, I meant to tell you, but you were doing so well…"

"Wait, what are _you_ talking about?" she asked, her brows burrowed, looking at her sister. Sadie realised they weren't on the same wave length, and that she just released something, she wished she hadn't.

"Nothing-"she started but Jude cut her off this time, "Obviously it's not nothing, so don't lie to me _again_, Sades."

"Jude, you're going to hate me for this, just please understand why I did it…"

"Sadie, just get to the point."

"Okay…" she started reluctantly "I knew where Tommy was…before he came back."

"And you didn't tell me? Do you know what? It doesn't even matter." She said, she knew Tommy wouldn't have come back even if she knew where he was and went there after him

"Jude, there's something else… Tommy phoned every week, to check in on you… he wanted to talk to you one time, and I told him you didn't want anything to do with him…"

"Get out."

"Jude, I'm sorry-"

"Get out Sadie" her anger raised and blown to the top. Sadie walked out the room; she knew she had to tell her one time or another, she just wished it hadn't been now.

Everything that had happened today, Tommy's heart to heart, Speed's sudden hatred on her and now Sadie? Seriously, what the hell else could happen? Everytime her life got good again, things would happen to bring her back down to where she started. What was that saying? Bad things come in three, for her, it always seemed to. She needed to get what she had to say to Tommy of her chest, she might as well since everything else today went wrong.

* * *

He heard a knock at the door and went to open it, seeing Jude there with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. He opened to door fully, inviting her in.

She noticed Mason's bags on the other bed, across from Tommy's, she gathered he got roomed with Mason, but he wasn't there.

"So, where's Mason gone?"

"Gone to look around the place…" he answered "How did you know he was sleeping in here?" he asked, she motioned to his bags, and his cowboy hats.

"Sadie told me that she knew." She said, wanting to get that off her mind.

"And I don't want to talk to about it." She finished, knowing that he was going to ask if she wanted to talk about it.

"So… should we finish what we started at the bus?" she asked sitting down on Mason's bed. He nodded sitting down on his.

"So, I guess my turn?" she sighed, she had to tell him, she just didn't know how.

"Okay...I guess I should start from the beginning so it makes sense… The envelope earlier, they were pictures of me, drunk of my head-"

She knew he was going to say something "Let me say what I have to say" she quoted him, he nodded again.

"After you left, I skipped out on my release party and went to Masons first gig of the tour, I was panicking when you left, I tried to be what they wanted, but without you there, I couldn't and to be honest I didn't want to. There was this guy who wanted a picture taken, he bought me a drink, well, he bought me a lot of drinks… I got wasted and my head was spinning, I could hardly think. I was tired and Mason was doing interviews, so he gave me his hotel key. The guy followed, which I later found out was a photographer and well, he blackmailed me, 50,000 or the pictures went to the press... Darius paid the guy and it stopped, but I wish he hadn't of paid him, by doing that, it didn't erase anything that happened that day. Didn't make the pictures not happen, didn't erase the fact that I was so stupid to leave and get drunk and what was so bad even if the pictures got out, I made a mistake, people make mistakes, it was the real me, what's so bad about that, I'm not perfect, and I'm not trying to be, so I kept them. I kept them to remind me of that night; it was one of the worst of my life. Things went downhill from there…" she said continuing the story

"… I refused to eat, refused to listen to anyone, I refused to record. I couldn't write. I was burning myself and everyone around me down, and I could see it, and I didn't care. Sadie, Kwest, The guys, they tried to get through to me, I wouldn't listen, wouldn't reason, they weren't the one I wanted there…"

She looked up at him and then back down to her shoes, she couldn't look at him for the next part "… Everyone tried except Speed, he probably thought if Sadie couldn't get through to me, how would he? But, he was the only one who did; he just talked to me, didn't expect me to say anything back, didn't try to make me go around with a fake smile plastered on my face, didn't try to make me be something I wasn't. He was just there, that's what I needed, someone there, who did that, like you, and when I needed to cry, or needed to talk, he listened to me and helped me understand what I was doing with my life. Things got better, I started to go back into the studio, started being my old self again, but I still couldn't write, wouldn't, I used old stuff, just to keep Darius happy. Speed and me, we were back to how we used to be, before we started going out, it was good, I had someone I loved back, and I didn't want to mess that up again. But, we felt different towards eachother than last time, more than friends…" she trailed off, looking back up to him, staring into his eyes, trying to tell if there was any emotion there, there wasn't, they were blank, like he hadn't decided how the story was gonna go.

"...One night I was having a bad day… like the ones I had when you left… Speed was there…" Tommy started pacing the room, back and forth, back and forth. "He took advantage of you?" he asked, well, more stated harshly.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

It started making her feel sick.

"Stop pacing. You're making me feel sick, and no, he didn't…" He was still pacing."Like I said, he was there for me, when I didn't want anybody there, he's the one who got threw to me without even realising, and after that, he was still there. That night, Sadie was going out a lot, coming back early hours in the morning… He stayed the night, at first just talking about everything… one thing led to another… and I guess you know what happened from there… we slept together." He stopped pacing, that was what he knew was coming, he was waiting for it. He looked at her, hard in the face, and opened his mouth to speak, but Jude wasn't finished.

"That's not the end of it…" she sighed, her heart pounding "…A couple of weeks later, I found out…" she was finding it hard to spit out "…I uh, found out I was pregnant…" it hit him like a ton of bricks. "I was so scared of telling Speed, only Sadie and Mason knew; they were the ones who made me take the test in the first place. After a lot of arguments, I finally got the nerve to tell Speed, he acted the same as me, but he came around to it. Three weeks later, I was stressing out about how to tell everyone, I wasn't looking where I was going and I tripped from the top of the stairs, and well, yeah... I lost the baby." She finished trying to hide the tears, even though she wasn't ready to have a baby, become a mother, and God knows Speed wasn't ready to be anything yet, but it still hurt. It was silent in the room, Tommy still standing, looking at her, Jude staring at her shoes, feeling his eyes burning into her. He finally broke the silence,

"and it _was_ Speeds?" he asked,

She was about to answer when she noticed the condescending voice, what'd he think she was, a whore?

"What are you trying to say?"

"Are you sure it _was_ Speeds?" he asked again.

"Yes, I'm sure it _was_ Speeds, he's the only guy I slept with, one time…" she started feeling the anger rising. "Once! With someone I know, someone I _love. _Someone whohadn't _hurt_ me, up until now. Someone I trusted. Not a total stranger." She spat out. "So what are_ you_ trying to say?"

He was hurt, he was mad, he was way more than mad, and he was confused.

"Oh, I don't know Jude, things have changed, and you have changed."

"Not the only one" she replied, the heat rising, the anger rising, she decided to finish this. "You know what?" she asked, feeling calmer, and a smirk on her face. "What?" he replied, not noticing the change. She walked up to him, getting as close as you she could, and whispered in his ear "You're just jealous Speed got there first." And with that she knew she made him speechless, she won that war. She walked over to the door, and walked out, letting it slam against the frame, leaving him there in a daze. All he could feel was her warm breath against his ear, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. She had that reaction on him. He still couldn't believe what she just told him, couldn't believe the Jude he knew went through all of that, he felt sorry for her, mad at himself that he couldn't be there, maybe then that wouldn't of happened. Or maybe, he'd be that guy, but it didn't turn out that way, and they couldn't change that. If it was games she was playing, games she would get.

Round two.

* * *

She walked back to her hotel room and noticed Sadie was there, she didn't want to speak to her right now, but the high she was on from telling Tommy everything and putting him in his face, she could do anything.

"Jude-"

"Sadie, before you start. Its okay, I get it. I've had time to rethink everything through, and the way I was back then, I know you did it to protect me, so we're good, okay?" she said, not wanting to drawn it out any longer and get ready for the first concert of the tour. The first gig was tomorrow night in the hotel but she wanted to go over the song before she went to get some sleep.

"Okay" Sadie repeated Jude; she got up and hugged her. "Now get some sleep Jude, long day ahead tomorrow." She said over her shoulder walking out of the room. Wrong. It'd already been the longest day of her life.

She walked down to the manager's office, asking to use the stage she would be performing on tomorrow night. He agreed, and it was deserted. The acoustics would be good right now.

She stood on the stage, closed her eyes and started to sing.

_It's my turn now, I'm having my say_

_Don't think for a second I'm over it_

_I can't breathe without you_

_But, I'll stand on my own_

_I didn't learn this from you _

_I knew it all along_

_So don't think for a second, cause I'm not over it._

_X-_

_Come on, you want to fight back_

_So go on and say it, it don't mean anything to me_

_You lost the privilege, so say what you want_

_I've woken up from this fall _

_Thank you for making me realise_

_That this is the reason I finally feel alive_

_X-_

_Just so you know_

_There's alot of things left unsaid_

_And just so you know_

_I can't stop thinking about you_

_And just so you know_

_I've ran out of time_

_I need you to know_

_Incase this message don't get through._

_X-_

_You think I'm lost, I disagree_

_I was lost with you_

_Now I'm free, to do what I want_

_No more crying, and no more lying_

_No longer scared, no longer feared_

_And no more feelings left to bare_

_I'm gonna tell the truth_

_X-_

_Just so you know_

_There's alot of things left unsaid_

_And just so you know_

_I can't stop thinking about you_

_And just so you know_

_I've ran out of time_

_I need you to know_

_Incase this message don't get through._

_X-_

_Someday you'll realise what you lost_

_And you won't get over it_

_I've realised, what I've gained _

_And now I'm over it. _

_Need to hear it again?_

_I'm over it.._

_X-_

_Just so you know_

_There's alot of things left unsaid_

_And just so you know_

_I can't stop thinking about you_

_And just so you know_

_I've ran out of time_

_I need you to know_

_Incase this message don't get through._

_X-_

_Just so you know_

_There's nothing left unsaid_

_And just so you know_

_I'm glad you left_

_So now you know_

_I'm getting over it._

She finished the song, and it turned out the way she wanted. She heard a clap, and opened her eyes, wishing she hadn't…

* * *

Okay, so this is a longer chapter, I hope it is anyway.

Again, sorry for not updating sooner.

Please review ;

Kirsty.


	12. Sorry & Mistakes

W00t! Okay. 12th Chapter, I'm so glad I've got this far, never thought this story would interest anyone, so thank you to have read it. ; So we now know Tommy & Jude's secret's. :o Aftershock next? Also, don't hate on me in this chapter, this story will end Jommy eventually. But, well got to get things interesting, I guess you'll have to read. The lyrics are mine, I write a lot by the way. Oh and I'm doing a double update this week cause well the chapters are short, so thought i'd do two.

I do not own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

**Sorry & Mistakes.**

She opened her eyes and looked up to see who was there, she wish she hadn't.

He stood there, hands in his pockets, looking up at her sheepishly with his puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry." Speeds whisper echoed through the hall, loud enough for her to hear. She was looking back at him with no emotion; "I am seriously sorry" he started… She looked down at her hands, picking at her nails, still on stage. She felt like she was being examined standing there, so she walked to the end of the stage and sat down waiting for him to continue. He waked nearer to the stage while talking "Jude, what I said-" he paused, looking at her, searching for any kind of reaction, none. "I shouldn't have said what I said on the bus, I shouldn't have said it plain and simple, I didn't think, and I hate myself for it."

God, she was fed up with this. She didn't want to get into this here, she was tired, and this day felt like it would never end.

"Yeah, well I hate you for saying it too" she finally spoke "So why did you?"

"I don't know" he lied, looking down to the floor "Yeah? And I don't know how I could have ever ended up with you." She stated coldly, brushing past him and slamming the door on the way out.

She walked to the elevator and waited for it to open so she could finally get some sleep, and forget that this day ever happened. Don't get her wrong, she was glad she finally knew the truth, and that she finally told the one person she was scared of telling her truth to, she just wished it didn't happen this way from one stupid shout out mistake.

* * *

It was 10am the next morning when she woke up, glad of the sleep; rehearsals didn't start until 2pm, for the concert at 7pm, so she had plenty of time to relax the next three-four hours. Everything seemed brighter to her this morning, clearer. The huge chip on her shoulder had been lifted and she felt lighter for it, she was relieved that there was basically nothing left unsaid between her and Tommy, except for the aftermath she knew was going to come soon.

But then, something always comes along, one thing got lifted and another got pulled back in. Speed. She didn't even want to think about that, she didn't know what to do, he used to be her boyfriend, turned best friend, now what?

There are only four people she ever loved. Sadie, when things were good between them, Mason, one of her best friends, Speed, in different ways and Tommy, the one that complicates life but makes it the most amazing place to be all in one.

She had to talk to Speed eventually, she knew that, and she wanted to know why he said what he said. Noticing Patsy's bed looked un-slept in, she gathered she didn't come back last night; she walked out the hotel room and knocked on Masons, hoping Tommy didn't answer. She couldn't confront him right now, she needed him not to judge her, and to understand and process the truth, and also, she was just plain embarrassed about what she last said to him, she couldn't believe herself, that she said it. Mason answered the door.

"Coming down for breakfast?" she asked relieved.

"Jude, it's half 10"

"And?" she asked confused, like it was some rule they couldn't have breakfast after nine or something.

"Yeah, okay. Give me a minute" he said, walking over to his bed and grabbing a cow boy hat, then closing the door behind him, putting his key card in his pocket.

"So, excited about tonight?" he asked while they waited for the elevator to come up.

"Yeah, nervous though, how about you?"

"Yeah, same, at least were all together."

"I'm so glad you're here Mase" she said, as the elevator door opened and they walked inside.

"Back at ya Harrison." They waited for the elevator to stop, "So, I told Tommy last night." She stated, walking out of the elevator, leaving Mason shocked with his mouth catching flies.

"Repeat that." He exclaimed to himself.

* * *

They both sat at a table, eating there breakfast-come dinner, neither totally hungry so Jude had a coffee and a pop tart and Mason had a Cappuccino and cereal. Both just wasting time until rehearsals, which were scary, though neither admit it, they were totally psyched about the concert, meeting the fans, and seeing how they reacted to them, but they were both so nervous about it too, being as this was the first of the tour and none been on tour together.

It was gonna a be a long, amazing journey for them all, having a lot of stories to tell when they got back, even though for Jude, the only people she wanted to tell were already with her, the ones she loved, even Karma, the tour wouldn't be the same. Those people were her family, and only Sadie her blood relative, but they were family to her more than her own, she'd grown to love them, confide in them, and hate them, and love them all over again, and that's what friendship was about. Even everything with Tommy, she didn't regret anything, or would change anything, maybe the fact that he left, but she'd been through so much because he of that, and it only made her stronger, fighting and feisty as ever, so she wouldn't change any of it, nothing. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't anyway and she wouldn't have had it any other way. This was her life, for the worse and the amazing, it was what made her what she was today, an artist, and she loved it.

* * *

Jude and Mason were messing around with lyrics in the Hotel Lounge Area, It was 12:30 and they had an hour and a half before they had to start Rehearsals, so they were having some fun. She knew Wally & Kyle where at the pool area, trying to hit on some girls, she didn't know where Speed or Tommy was, Karma was in the spa, and Jamie and Patsy, god knows where.

"I wanna ask you something…"

"Ask away."

"Well, since what's happened over the past twenty-four hours, what I said before I left the bus, I meant, I'm not staying on there, I can't, not with the both of them, so would you move to the other bus with me…I understand if you don't it's just…" she started rambling

"I'd love to Jude" he answered to stop her.

"Good" she smiled "Cause you're my last link to sanity…" A couple of minutes went by, coming up with some lyrics.

"Okay, so how about this for the first verse?"

_Waking up to something_

_You never thought you would_

_taking time out_

_Even though you never thought you could..._

He continued on for her, creating his own

_Losing control over this life, and I_

_Can't seem to find, the light..._

_Darkness surrounding everything, I do_

_So I need to try and break on through_

She made the carried on while he hummed a tune, making up the chorus and third verse as she went along trying to fit it in with the tune, writing it in the what they had in the journal.

_Where did this go wrong?_

_It was supposed to fit_

_Someday we'll sit_

_And write the perfect song_

_Until that day_

_We'll sing and play_

_As my life slips away_

_x- _

_Same old ending_

_The stories the same_

_They live happily ever after_

_In this old time game_

_But it's all pretend_

_Nothing ends that way_

_I believed it too_

_And I need a friend_

_to help me get through _

_This god forsaken day…_

She stopped as she saw Speed walking through the door.

* * *

He was pacing around his hotel room, Wally watching him, wondering what the hell he was doing. "Speed man, stop." He ignored him, continuing and talking out loud "How am I going to explain to her?"

"Explain what?" Wally asked him, Speed turned around and stopped pacing "How am I going to explain to Jude why I said what I said, I don't even know why I said it, well I do… bu-"

"Dude, you're rambling… Just tell her the truth, and then she'll understand why."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" he blurted out "How am I going to just tell her, what 'Sorry I basically stomped on your heart but I said it because I'm in love with you?" he said sarcastically.

"Yeah-"Wally replied, not really knowing what to do… Speed started pacing, a couple of minutes later Wally left to go down to the pool with Kyle, Speed refused to go with.

He finally decided what to do, he was gonna tell Jude the truth, he didn't know how she'd react to it, but he had to tell her. He walked out of the room in search of Jude, he knocked on her hotel room door, no answer, he was going to knock Mason's but didn't have the guts to. He looked down to the pool, incase she was there, even the spa, then finally looked in the lounge, and there she was, with Mason. She was him a lot lately; he swore if he didn't already know Mason was gay he'd think he was hitting on Jude.

He walked further into the room, noticing Mason and Jude were at the bottom of it, in a dark corner so no one knew they were there.

He looked at her, she sensed someone staring at her, and saw Speed. She didn't turn away, he took it as a good sign, and then Tommy came walking through, brushing past him, he couldn't help but roll his eyes when he saw him searching out Jude. Speed felt his phone vibrate in the back of his jeans pocket, not looking at the caller ID, he answered hearing Jude's voice trailing down his end.

"We need to talk." He nodded.

"Mine or yours?" he asked, talking about the hotel rooms, where they could talk in private.

"Mine" the connection went dead.

He watched her say something to Mason; he nodded, and looked over his way.

Speed watched her walk out past him, taking it as cue to leave subtly too.

The elevator ride was in silence, apart from the annoying music, if you could call it that, they always have in hotels, like anybody listens, they certainly weren't. The elevator stopped, and neither was ready to get out, but they had to. Jude took the lead and walked out first, Speed following her. She opened the hotel room, walking in the front door, calling Karma and Patsy, seeing if they were in there, no answer. She walked in fully and sat down on her bed, Speed sat down on Karmas. "Jude" he started, knowing he was going to tell the truth this time. "Everything I said last night, I meant it. I was stupid for saying it, and I do hate myself, hand on my guitar, I'm sorry." He finished, sincerely, and she knew that. "Then why'd you say it?" she asked not letting him answer, "It hurt you know, coming from you. Everything we've gone through, I thought I'd get it from Jamie or someone, but not you..." She trailed off, and then decided to say what he made her feel like "I'm not a whore Speed." She stated blatantly.

"I didn't mean it like that." He tried to reassure her.

"Yeah, you did." He looked down to his shoes, feeling like the biggest jerk ever.

"You knew you were my first, and I haven't been with anyone since, because I haven't got over what happened, and you knew that too-"

""I know" he interrupted her, looking her in the eye "I was jealous. Things were good between us, and I started-"he paused and sighed, deciding to just get it out "- I started to have feeling for you, again, and then I saw you with _him, _

all jolly all of a sudden, and I know how you feel about him, I just, I-" he trailed off.

"Speed" she interrupted before he really started rambling. "Hmmm?" he mumbled out "You're rambling." she smiled at him.

"Sorry" There was silence. "I started to have feeling again for you too." She whispered breaking the silence, "What?" he asked, looking up at her "I started to have feelings for you again too." She said, a bit louder "and I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to hurt you, again." He knew she meant it by the way she looked at him when she said it, but he knew there was something else.

"When you walked in on the bus, what you saw was just a friendly hug. He told me everything, and I mean, everything, why he left, why he _had_ to leave, what's happened the past year, and I got upset, it was just a hug, and before you ask, I can't say anything, he didn't ask me not to, but it's private, personal, and not mine to tell, but what was mine, I told."

"What?" he asked disbelievingly, "I told him." She repeated, "I told him everything, I had to" she whispered, "For my sake, I needed to." She finished, he blew out a breath "Okay." He surprised himself and her.

"Okay?" she asked "Okay." He repeated, again. "I get why, I get it, but I need to ask something." She nodded, telling him to go on "Do you regret it?" he awaited anxiously for the answer…

She looked at him, really looked at him, he looked so sweet, she could tell he was taking a huge leap here, like she was holding his life and could crush him at any moment, she didn't like this feeling. He was still hurting, just like her, vulnerable and without hesitation "No, no, I don't regret it, I don't regret anything."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, I don't regret it; you were there for me when Tommy left. You were there for me before that, and I didn't see it. You were there for me when I didn't want anyone there. Then the pictures… I was so glad I had someone like you there for me. That night, I needed that, to forget everything, it was amazing." She knew she was falling for him again, and she was caught, trapped between two, the one person she's basically fell in love with from the beginning, or the person, who she hated when she was younger, then became her lead guitarist, boyfriend, best friend. One word. Awkward.

"So you honestly don't?" he looked into her eyes, and saw what he saw before, and they both automatically leaned in, his lips touched her first, soft and gentle, light and totally head spinning at the same time. She broke away first, giving him his answer.

"That answer your question?" she asked his question with a question.

He leaned back in, giving her answer back, pressing his lips to hers, again, light but passionate, pouring every feeling and pain they both felt, she didn't pull away, and didn't hesitate to kiss him back. Neither heard the door knock or the names being called form the outside, and the door wasn't locked.

There was a knock again, still unheard, the door opened, and this time Jude heard it. She pulled back from the kiss and come face to face with the person she wished was Mason or Sadie at the moment, or even Patsy and Jamie making out, anything than this. She was really getting caught in bad situations lately, what was up with that?

"Jude."

"Tommy."

* * *

So the last chapter was my longest. :

Hope you like. This is short, kind of a quick filler chapter with some drama.

Review : Thankoo.

Kirsty.


	13. Perfect Consequences

Okay, so the songs Karma is singing, is of course Cory Lee's.

Masons, are of course Nick Rose, Patsy's are Lindsay Robins.

And the SME's are Sweet Thing, I wanted to do Tyler Kytes, but don't think will fit, and Jude's Heavily Broken, In Another Life, Did Ya Think, Revenge Is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were) and Hollywood all belong to The Veronicas.

Just So You Know and Perfect Song- belongs to me

Why-Avril Lavigne.

* * *

**Perfect Consequences**

"Tommy." She breathed out; trying to act calm, when inside she was anything but.

"Just thought you should know rehearsals start in half an hour" he said, not looking at them, closing the door on the way out.

"Oh my god" she whispered to herself, but Speed overheard her, he ignored the urge to roll his eyes, "Go after him" he couldn't believe he just said that, did he really just say it.

"Speed, no, it's fine"

"Jude-"he started, but Jude cut him off "No why should I? We haven't done anything wrong, I don't owe him anything, and I don't need to explain anything to him. We kissed, as in me and you, us, not him; it doesn't have anything to do with him." She finished, trying to convince herself more than him. "Because you're still in love with him" he blurted out, "No. I-"

"Jude it's no point in denying it, I know you do, I was there remember? I still see the connection between you, which come in between us." He was right, there was no point in denying it, she did still love him, and she hated it, she didn't want to, but she couldn't help it, she did, and she don't know how to stop.

"When we were together the first time, I know you never felt that way about me, and I don't know about last time…"

"Don't. Don't even think for a second I didn't love you. How can you think that? The first time, I was still hung up on Tommy, that's why we didn't work, but I did love you, just not that way. But last time, I started to get over him, and I fell for you hard and fast and I didn't know I could feel like that again, but I did. So don't think for a second, because I did-"

"And now?" she looked down, "Honestly?" he nodded, "I don't know. I have mixed feelings, and I don't know which to trust. Before Tommy came back, I felt us again, and now he's back, the feelings I had for him came back too. Even though I didn't want to see him, or talk to him, but when I saw him at the meeting, they came back, I didn't want it to, but it did. It feels like I have no control, and I hate it. This is the one thing I thought I had control over, but it's ended up controlling me and I don't want to hurt anyone."

He didn't like seeing her this way, so he tried to give her the easy way out "Jude, it don't have to mean anything, we just got caught up in the moment, end of story." She grabbed his hand "No, it wasn't and we weren't, and you know it, so stop trying to make this easy okay?"

"I don't want to feel like I'm losing my best friend, and I love you too much to lose you, as anything." He said not looking at her "and we can't be anything if you don't get things sorted out, you have control over this Jude, it's not controlling you, clear things up with him, and see were things go from there, but you need to go after him, even if you don't want to." Right then, she finally understood what he meant to her, what they been through, she gave everything she got, and she was finally starting to deal with what went on, and she knew he was too. They needed to talk about it more, and they will, when everything's a little more not complicated.

"I don't want to lose you either" she kissed him lightly on the lips, a friendly peace offering, for now, and left to go and find Tommy.

"You'll never lose me" he whispered into the air.

* * *

She ran out the hotel room looking around everywhere, searching for Tommy. She checked everywhere she could think, the lounge, the hall, the dining room, even the pool area, and she was nowhere to be seen.

Twenty minutes left until rehearsals and she couldn't find him, and she didn't want to get into the whole thing while rehearsing, or after, it needed to be sorted now. She thought of one last place he might be, and if he was there, she wouldn't have wasted fifteen minutes acting like an idiot running around the hotel. She waited for the elevator to open, and pressed the up button five times, trying to hurry up the process. Back where she started, right next door, she banged on the door, not at all quiet, she knew he was in there and wasn't going to answer; she banged on the door again.

"Tommy, I know you're in there" she banged again. "So you might as well open up." Still no answer. "I'm not leaving" she kicked the door, trying to make a statement but ended up on the floor, grabbing her foot.

Then he chose to open the door, couldn't he have opened up like thirty seconds again. He looked down at her, with a slight spark of sympathy in his eyes.

"Need help?"

"No." she said, attempting to get up but falling back down again, her foot throbbing. "Yes." He held his hand out for her to grab, and pulled her up on her good foot.

"Aren't you supposed to break things after the concert, not before?"

"Aren't you supposed to answer the door when someone knocks?" she spat back, they were bantering, like old times, and she didn't want to, yet.

"I've been looking for you"

"Wouldn't have guessed" he said, while started to limp into the room.

She didn't know how to go about this, didn't know how to say it.

"Me and Speed… Are complicated" she began "Like us…"

"Jude- don't get into this now"

She looked up at him, "No" she started, she was sick of this "No, were getting into it now. I'm sick and tired of doing what you want, I'm sick and tired of shoving everything back into a corner." He looked at her shocked, and something clicked in her head, he was the drug she didn't want to get addicted to, and now she is, she needed the fix. But, why was she always the one coming to him, explaining to him, she wasn't _his_, she didn't need to. She wasn't.

"What you saw…" he waited for her explanation "Was none of anyone's business, and why was I even going to explain it to you." She asked herself, more than her, even though she knew the answer, she couldn't stand him looking at her the way he did when things didn't go his way.

"So what was last night? Guilty conscience?" she visibly blushed, remembering her little comment. "That I needed to get out, that I wanted to tell you, this, not so much. Me and Speed, aren't nothing new, we kissed, so what?"

"So you're not together?"

"No… I don't know, and If we were, what're you gonna do about it?" she spat out, "Oh right, what you always do, One- Leave. Two-Ignore it or my personal favourite "It never happened, your pick."

"Jude" he warned, not wanting to get fired up or regret something that might come out.

"But, for once, I _do not_ care. There's more than you know, I may of told you what happened, but you know nothing about me and Speed." She tried to get through his head "You know nothing."

"You can be so… seventeen." He quoted from before.

"Yeah, well take A good look" she said standing up "Because I'm not seventeen anymore." And walked out, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

She felt good, two to Nil for her, and it felt good to have a hold over Tommy, instead of the other way around, like before. Five minutes until rehearsals, and she couldn't be bothered waiting for the elevator to come up, so she walked down the stairs, it was only three flights anyway.

She opened the entrance door to the hall, and noticed SME were already there, setting there equipment up and some guys she didn't know all the names up, setting all the technical stuff up. She walked over to Jamie, who was by the stage "Hey"

"Hey"

"So where's Pats?" she asked, looking at him "Backstage, getting ready."

"That's where I should be." She stated, walking onto the stage and going behind the curtains. She saw four different Dressing Rooms with names on, hers, Mason's, Karma & Patsy and SME. She wondered why Patsy & Karma were sharing.

"Hey" she jumped at the voice coming from behind her, and relaxed when she saw it was Mason, "Mase, seriously, stop doing that."

"Will do, Harrison" he said, not really meaning it "Sadie told me to get everyone, going over the set list and everything."

"Okay, meet you out there." She saw Tommy leaning against the stage as she walked out.

They were all on stage, listening to Sadie tell them the set list. "Okay, Karma will be first, five songs- What A Difference A Day Makes, No Friend, You Wish, As I Cry and Simple Not Enough and two encores, Never Get Over You and Cold December. Then one SME song, Change Of Seasons.

Patsy, three songs, as requested, What Would You Do, Freaks, Possessionsand one encore I Can't Forget Your Face.

Mason, five songs Light At Dawn, Summer Dress, Knock On Wood, Winter Song , Lay Me Downand one encore, your choice.

Then SME again, Kite Fight and Jude six songs- Heavily Broken, Just So You Know, When You're Gone, Hollywood, Did Ya Think, In Another Life and two encores- Revenge Is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were) and the other your pick." She was going to do Perfect Song.

"So everyone places." Sadie finished, watching everyone go backstage and Karma walk onto the stage, with the microphone, beginning to sing.

* * *

6:55. five minutes before the first concert of the tour, and everyone was getting hyped up backstage. They wished eachother good luck and Karma walked onto the stage. The place was packed, it was only a small hall, so everyone was standing, and the preferred smaller gigs because it's more personal.

Jude was listening to her, singing her first song of the night, What a Difference a Day Makes.

What a difference a day makes  
all alone as the day breaks  
suddenly there's just a cold space  
and some heartache here for me

x-

What a difference a day makes  
yesterday we were ok  
in a moment my whole world changed  
loves a cruel game my baby

x-

She changed her mind about Karma the past couple of days, yeah she could be annoying and getting in her face like when she first met her, but now she's matured she guessed. It felt like all of them had matured, they weren't the silly trying to make it kids anymore, they were committed to the fans, and their music. Karma's music changed a lot too, more personal, and she even started writing her own stuff, and it was pretty damn good, if she said so herself. She never thought she would ever think this, but Karma was good, and now she saw why she won the third Instant Star contest, our form the others. She was good, the music was amazing now, about different stuff that's happened to her and they were catchy tunes. Not the bubble gum crap she thought she would have produced. It was weird, knowing they were grown ups, making a living and this was one hell of a living.

Its funny how the sun  
can leave you cryin  
its funny how a little rain  
can change your life

x-

Its funny how the tables can turn  
lessons to learn, bridges to burn (oh baby, baby)  
It only takes a second to say goodbye  
ohh

x-

What a difference a day makes  
all alone as the day breaks  
suddenly there's just a cold space  
and some heartache here for me

x-

What a difference a day makes  
yesterday we were ok  
in a moment my whole world changed  
loves a cruel game my baby

x-

Its easier to take  
a love for granted  
when everything  
is were its suppose to be

x-

But when my shelter fell to the ground  
pain came around, breakin me down (oh baby, baby)  
Now my lonely heart can only bleed  
im tryin to understand

x-

Why, why, why (x3) baby  
o baby wont you tell me  
why, why, why (x2) tryin to understand  
why, why, why baby, baby

x-

What a difference a day makes  
all alone as the day breaks  
suddenly theres just a cold space  
and some heartache here for me

x-

What a difference a day makes  
yesterday we were ok  
in a moment my whole world changed  
loves a cruel game my baby

x-

Im tryin to understand  
why, why, why (x3) baby  
o baby wont you tell me  
why, why, why (x3) baby, baby

x-

The rest of the songs went by great, and she was on her second encore Cold December, this was one of all their favourites, the best she had recorded so far, and she wrote it by herself, which made it even more personal and an amazing song.

Tell me where did we go wrong  
Tell me where did we get lost  
Never thought that we could get so heated  
Can't see my life without you in it  
I wish that I could full turn  
But I just got to let it burn  
Theres nothing I can do about it  
Makes me wanna scream and shout it  
And I know cant go back  
Gotta let it go  
As a matter of fact , wanna let you know  
Wanna let u know that  
I'm so alone  
And I cant take it

x-

Wanna miss sun shining through the rain  
April showers fell  
And washed all the tears away  
Summers come and gone  
Watch the colors change  
This cold December  
Now the sky is grey  
Snow is on the ground  
All those sunny days  
Now no where to be found  
When I need you the most  
Where are you know ?  
This cold December

x-

If it was something I said  
If it was something I did  
Whatever I broke I'll fix it  
Whatever you want I'll give it  
And I know i cant go back  
Gotta let it go  
As a matter of fact , wanna let you know  
Wanna let u know that ...  
I'm so alone  
And I cant take it ,no

x-

Wanna miss sun shining through the rain  
Aprils showers fell  
And washed all the tears away  
Summers come and gone  
Watch the colors change  
This cold december  
This cold december  
Now the sky is grey  
Snow is on the ground  
All those sunny days  
Now no where to be found  
When I need you the most  
Where are you now ?  
This cold December

x-

Boy I miss you in my arms  
And I tried with all my heart  
To make you stay  
Make you stay ...  
Now your memory is faint too gray  
Like the coldest winter day  
Help me please  
Help me please

x-

Oh baby  
Wanna miss sun shining through the rain  
Aprils showers fell  
And washed all the tears away  
Summers come and gone  
Watch the colours change  
This cold December...  
Cold December  
Now the sky is grey  
Snow is on the ground  
All those sunny days  
Now no where to be found  
When I need you the most  
Where are you now ?  
This cold December

x-

Wanna miss sun shining through the rain  
Aprils showers fell  
And washed all the tears away  
Summers come and gone  
Watch the colors change  
This cold December...  
Cold December  
Now the sky is grey  
Snow is on the ground  
All those sunny days  
Now no where to be found  
When I need you the most  
Where are you now ?  
This cold December

x-

The crowd were on frenzy and become worse when SME entered the stage after Karma. Backstage everyone was hyped up by the energy the fans were bringing to the room, this was one hell of a good way to start of the tour, and it's only just begun.

* * *

I totally love Cory Lee's songs, there so catchy, I love them, especially Cold December, my personal favourite.

Please Review.

Kirsty.


	14. The Decision

Heyyyy, sorry I haven't updates, had alot to do this past month, school coursework, Work Experience, Birthdays & Seeing my cousin that I haven't seen in two years. ; So Fun.

I got a week off now, so I'm going to write some more.

I don't own anything from Instant Star ; I don't own Hollywood or Revenge Is Sweeter Than You Ever Were- They belong to The Veronicas & Perfect Song belongs to me.

* * *

**The Decision Is Sweeter.**

Mason just finished, bowed and walked off stage, while SME walked on, the last of there two songs. Then it was Jude's turn and then the first concert would be over, but even though everyone wanted sleep they were too hyped up to get some. They were half way through their song and everyone was still screaming and waiting for her to come out. She wondered how the crowd hadn't lost there voices, they hadn't stopped since Karma came out. She was singing the most tonight, because she was the first Instant Star, and apparently the audience demanded it, but she wasn't fully concentrated tonight, watching Speed, and looking for Tommy backstage and in the crowd, she didn't know what to do, and then, the song was over, and it was her turn.

_Things are so different here_

_All truth seems to disappear_

_And who you are_

_Doesn't matter_

_x-_

_My point is a better view_

_Make me feel beautiful_

_And every face_

_Same old story_

_x-_

_In Hollywood_

_Hollywo-od_

_Every sun rise_

_You get so close_

_Every sunset _

_An overdose_

_No one cares_

_But everybody kno-ws_

_x-_

_Bask in someone else fame_

_Live of off the family name_

_And who you are_

_Is all that matters_

_x-_

_It's so hard, being young today_

_Dior ads _

_And pink cocaine_

_You'll go far for doing nothing_

_x-_

_Everybody wants to be someone_

_Everybody wants to be someone else_

_And if you're down they'll hand you a shot gun_

_Just get me out-_

_Get me out_

_Of Hollywood – get me out of Hollywood_

_Hollywood- get me out of Hollywood_

_x-_

_Get me out- get me ou—t_

_Get me out- get me ou-t_

_Get me out_

_Get me o-u-t_

There she was pouring her heart out to fans, most of who she probably haven't met, when all she wanted to pour her heart out is to the two people she loved the most, it was too hard. Too hard to decide and she needed some sisterly advice, Sadie.

The first encore, Revenge Is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were), and Perfect Song and she'd be done, and then go in search for Sadie.

_I saw it in the news_

_You told me they were wrong_

_And I stood up for you _

_Cause I believe you were the one_

_x-_

_You had the all the chances in the world_

_To let me know the truth_

_What the hells wrong with you_

_x-_

_Are you even listening when I talk to you _

_Do you even care_

_What I'm going through_

_You're eyes stare_

_And there staring right through me_

_You're right there but it's like you never knew me_

_Do you even know_

_How much it hurt_

_When you gave up with me to be with her_

_Revenge is sweeter than you ever were_

_x-_

_I'm so mad at you right now_

_That I can't even find the words_

_And youre on the way down_

_And I can't wait to see you burn_

_x-_

_You tried to make me hate that girl- _

_When I should be hating you._

_x-_

_Nothing can save you now_

_That it's over_

_I guess you'll find out_

_When you're no one_

_Don't say you're sorry now cause I just don't car-e_

_x-_

_Nothing can save you now_

_Nothing nothing can save you now, nothing_

_x-_

_Are you even listening when I talk to you _

_Do you even care_

_What I'm going through_

_You're eyes stare_

_And there staring right through me_

_You're right there but it's like you never knew me_

_Do you even know_

_How much it hurt_

_When you gave up with me to be with her_

_Revenge is sweeter than you ever were_

_Than you ever were_

_Revenge is sweeter than you even were._

She was almost finished, at the end of Perfect song at it was done. The crowd had been so awesome tonight, she hoped all of them would go like this, they were all so energetic and made the show amazing.

_All the thing you said,_

_was all rehearsed._

_Now its running through my head_

_and I feel like I'm cursed_

_x-_

_Where did this go wrong_

_it was supposed to fit_

_Someday we'll sit_

_And write the perfect song_

_Until that day_

_we'll sing and play_

_As my life slips away_

_x-_

_Everything I believed in, _

_Has been a lie and now, I cry_

_This time it's gonna be for real_

_And not just a lie_

_x-_

_That's how it, used to go_

_But my minds made up_

_And now I leave, and so _

_I re-wrote this, that used to be ours_

_Now, I sit here without you_

_And heres my perfect life..._

_The Perfect song..._

And that was it, done, the perfect song, to the perfect ending, or something like that; she bowed to the crowd and waved the others onto the stage, and shouted into the mic "Give it up for Karma, Patsy, Mason, and SME." They all couldn't stop screaming, again. "And thanks to you guys, you were awesome tonight" talking to the crowd "Tomorrow night is the CD signing, so hope to see everyone there. This has been us, so Thank You and Goodnight." They all bowed again and walked off stage after the other, all glad that the concert went well, and even though they were all tired they still could rock out more. It was almost 2am, and since they didn't have another gig tomorrow, they could get up late, the CD signing started at 3pm and finished at 6.30pm, and then they were on the road again.

She searched backstage for Sadie, and found her three minutes later, in her own dressing room; she should have looked there first, cause it looked like Sadie was looking for her too.

She walked into the dressing room, "Sades." She closed the door, before she could continue talking Sadie walked over and hugged her "Jude that was so amazing tonight, you were amazing. So much emotion."

"Yeah, Thanks" Sadie carried on talking, Jude wasn't really listening. Truth was she didn't even need to try tonight, she already had the inspiration, she needed to get it across to him, to everyone she was not as fragile as she looked, she wasn't this young teenage girl anymore, in this business you didn't get the chance to, so why did they keep trying to protect her?

"Sades, can we talk?" Sadie stopped talking "Please" she asked pleadingly.

"Yeah, sure." She motioned for Jude to continue.

"I have no clue what to do, and need some advice…"

"Okay, what's happened?" she asked concerned, she saw the look on Jude's face "Start from the beginning."

"I kissed Speed. And before you start, I know, okay, I know. It was a bad idea, it was stupid, and wrong, and I can't go there, but I did, and it was so unbelievable." She paused "and Tommy saw." She looked over at Sadie, and she saw her speechlessness face. "Wow"

"Yeah" she said "That's why I need your help, I don't know what to do, it's so confusing and I hate it. It could be so simple, but like always, it isn't. I love Speed, both ways, and Tommy, you know I've been in love with him since he made me rewrite 24 hours, even when he left, I still couldn't help it."

"I know" Sadie whispered out. "He's hard to get over." And god, did she know, but she was lucky now, she had Kwest and wouldn't have it any other way, when she was with Tommy she was never with him, she didn't feel like she was anyway, she always knew there was someone else.

"You have two choices." Sadie started "One, you can ignore what happened with Speed and carry on as usual with him, and make things up with Tommy, and have the possibility of something happening…

"Or?" Jude interrupted.

"Or two, you can ignore everything that happened with Tommy and get over him, and go with Speed, but you know it won't be easy, and things won't work out with Speed if you're still hung up on Tommy…So I think you know your answer already…" But that was the thing, she didn't want to hurt either of them and she didn't want to make the wrong choice, and was still confused.

"You know, that don't help at all." Jude sighed out.

"Well just think on it and get some sleep" Sadie said, walking out of the dressing room.

"Okay, you can do this" Jude whispered to herself, she got up and walked out of the dressing room, hoping not to bump into anyone, she needed to think, clearly, without anyone.

* * *

She made it, looking around the hotel bar, knowing he would be here; she looked for the bus driver. She needed some peace and quiet to think clearly, and she couldn't in the hotel room, sharing with Patsy and Karma, even though they probably wouldn't be there, they'd be at Speed and Wally's after party. But Tommy and Mason were in the next room, which was joined, and with him there, she wouldn't be able to think. She knew Mason would be there because he didn't feel up to celebrating, and needed some sleep, and Tommy, she didn't know, but didn't want to take the chance. She saw Manny sitting on the stool at the bar with an empty beer bottle, ordering another.

"Hey Manny" she said walking up to him.

"Heya Kiddo" he replied, he always called her kiddo, she didn't know why, and she didn't mind, but she wasn't a kid anymore, and needed some people to see that.

She smiled at him, "Sadie said I could use the bus, for some peace and quiet, to write, cause of the party and that… Can I borrow the keys?" she asked him, lying. So what, Sadie said to think about it, and the only way she could is by having peace and quiet and no interruptions, hence the bus. She wouldn't mind anyway, she hoped.

"Yeah, just don't drive away without us." He joked, she faked a laugh.

"Thanks" she said, already walking out of the bar and on the way to the bus, if she passed Sadie on the way, she'd tell her, if she didn't, she didn't.

She had bumped into Sadie and told her, she was against it, at first, but then reluctantly agreed, wouldn't of made a difference anyway, but she was glad she had her sisters permission, she couldn't handle anymore pressure.

She opened the bus door and walked in, plonking herself onto the front lounge couch, and closed her eyes thinking. There was already a difference, the silence as they say is golden, and it was so peaceful. Not a sound but the thoughts in her head, and the faint splashes as the cars went by in the distance.

She had a lot on her mind to think about, she could ignore the kiss with Speed, and pretend nothing happened, and go on as usual, but she did like him, and didn't want to hurt him, again. Things were good between them before Tommy came back, before they got close again, why did they have to kiss. Her feelings for him came and went, sometimes she loved him that way, and sometimes she loved him just as a friend, but like friends, he didn't go, he stayed, and that's what she loved about him. Tommy, that one word could confuse her in an instant, she was in love with him, but was that enough? Was she enough for him? Were they enough to last and were they that strong to overcome everything that was to come?

She loved him before and he left, she's always loved him, and couldn't deny it, but nothings really happened between them, except for a couple of kisses and close calls. She's had too many sleepless crying nights over him, but she couldn't stop loving him. She couldn't get enough of him, and she didn't even know what it was like to be with him. Things between them were different than her and Speed, she loves him, yes, but she's in love with Tommy, and if she chose Speed, if the feeling went, there friendship would be over, she knew that, a person can only take so much, and it would be the end for them, and she didn't want that.

Tommy, nothings ever amounted to anything, but he's only been back for like, a week, before nothing could happen because she was too young, but now, she's older, been through more than she should of, she don't know what could happen, and she owed herself that chance to find out. Also, she knew things weren't any different than before between them, the awkwardness, the banter, the fights, the chemistry, everything was still there and how much she'd like to deny it, she can't and that's why she needed to try this out, things weren't finished with Tommy and her. She didn't want to hurt Speed. She didn't want to hurt Tommy, but she made her decision, and needed to stick with it, she was going to do it. She was going to go back to the hotel room and get some sleep, but she was comfy and started to drift off, and before she knew it she was asleep, and didn't notice her phone vibrate in her jacket pocket. The caller ID was Sadie.

* * *

Sadie was talking with Kwest, Celebrating with the rest of the gang at Speed and Wally's hotel room. She saw Tommy walking up to them, "Sadie, can I talk to you a minute?"

"I'm kind of in the middle of something." She replied back. "No, it's okay go ahead, I'm gonna get us some drinks, anyway." Kwest said to her, kissing her on the cheek and walking away from them both. "So what do you want?" Sadie asked him, not at all pleasantly, having him interrupt her and Kwest was not on the highlight of her check list.

"I need to know where Jude is…"

"And why do you need to know that… and what makes you think I know…"

"Come on Sadie, she tells you everything, I asked Mason and he doesn't know, so you have to, so just tell me where she is, and then I'll leave you and Kwest back to you little chat. I need to talk to her." He said not at all caring if he sounded sarcastic or desperate, because he was desperate and tired, but he couldn't sleep until he saw her and told her the truth.

She saw the defeated look on his face, all the time she's known him she'd never saw that look unless he really was really desperate.

. "She's on the first bus." She told him, knowing it must be really important.

"The first bus" he repeated her, "Yes the first bus."

"What she doing there?" he asked her. She looked at him, "She needed to think, now excuse me, Kwest's coming back, so just go."

She watched him leave and then got her phone at and dialled Jude's number, hoping she'd pick up. No such luck, she only got her voice mail.

"Hey, it's Jude, were rocking out right now, so you know what to do."

"Jude, it's me, Tommy's on the way to the bus, so, decide what to do, and tell me what happens." She closed the phone.

Kwest walked back over to her "So what was that about."

"Nothing really, He was looking for Jude." She answered not totally truthfully, knowing why he was looking for Jude, but it was there business.

* * *

She heard a knock on the door, and bolted upright, nearly falling off the couch.

Looking around, forgetting her surroundings, wondering where she was and instantly remembered everything, groaned having to go through this and looked at the time.

She was glad something woke her up, she was having a freakishly feeling real dream, about if she picked Speed, and then also if she picked Tommy, both ways didn't end well, but she was still sticking to her decision.

She rubbed at her eyes, yawning, noticing mascara on her hand, forgetting to take it off after the concert, god she must look a mess right now.

There was a knock again, wondering who the hell it was and who knew she was here but Sadie? She opened the door, shocked to see him standing there, and how he knew she was there, she opened the door further to let him in.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"Sadie" he stated.

"I seriously need to stop telling her stuff."

She sat down on the one side of the couch, and he sat on the other side, five minutes passed, awkwardness and not looking at eachother, him looking at the carpet on the floor, and her picking at her fingernails.

Deciding to break the silence, and get this over with. She was fed up of this and wanted to take control, it was her life after all, and she did have control over it, even though she didn't feel like she did.

"What are you doing here Tom?

Okay hope you liked this chapter. :D Lol

Please Review :D

Kirsty.x


	15. Finally, I Love you

**Heyyy!**

**Omg! I was so glad about the reviews for the last chapter Thank You. I hope this one is even better. **

* * *

**Finally- I'm In Love With You**

"What are you doing here Tom? She asked him, breaking the silence that overcame them, "I came to apologise for being such an ass the past 24 hours." He paused, she didn't deny it. "You were right; it's none of anyone's business." He continued "You and Speed, are none of my business, and I don't know why I reacted the way I did, it's up to you what you want, and if that's him, then unlike last time I wont get in your way."

He bottled it, he never told her, he was planning to, but coward out at the last minute, he got up to leave, but he heard her laugh. He looked at her funny "Sorry-"she said trying to stop laughing "It's just that sounded so anti-Tommy." He gave her a puzzled look "It's not you, you don't give up." She pointed at him, standing up to his level, "You're _supposed_ to be different, so why don't you say what you came here to say and stop saying what you_ think_ I need to hear and what you _think_ is best for _me_, okay? I'm not a little girl anymore, I can handle it." she demanded at him.

He sat back down, pulling her down next to him, if he was going to do this, he needed her to listen, and he needed her to be near.

"Okay."

"Okay?" she repeated him, questionably, he really had changed, and he's actually giving her what she wanted for once.

"I'm gonna tell you the truth, that's what I'm going to do about it…" He started suddenly feeling very much like a teenager again. "Since we first met, not the first time at G Major, but the first time I got to know you, the real you, that's when I met you. It's like you knew me before I even did, you figured me out, you get me, and no ones ever have.I've never known someone like you, never thought it'd be worth finding out about someone. I was a mess, and still am, some ex-boybander who wouldn't have wasted time on his friends, forget about some teenager who won a cheesy contest. But when Georgia asked me to do her the favour, it was so worth it…"

He paused looking at her, grabbed her hand and started rubbing circles with his thumb, out of nervousness.

She looked down at their hands joined together and it didn't feel like he'd never done that before, it felt natural. He let go of her hand, needing to think clearly and get this out the way he wanted to.

He sighed noticing the look of disappointment on her face when he let go, so he continued "Look Jude, I'm just gonna say it. You changed me, really changed me, I fell for some red head punk rocker who just _had _to be fifteen. All my life I've never fell for anyone, never gotten this close. But I did with you, you were different, you hated me when I told you to change the lyrics to 24 Hours, that's why you were different, you didn't go along with what people said, you fought for what you wanted and then, eventually changed them. "

He smiled at her, seeing her smiling too at the memory. "You're feisty and kept me on my toes, maybe that's why I'm so attracted to you. And now I have met someone like you, I can't go back, you're constantly on my mind, and even though I've tried, I can't forget about you, so what I'm trying to say is…Girl, I'm in love with you."

Whoa.

He said it.

"What?" she whispered inaudibly out, the edges of her lips starting to curl up, hearing what he said, wanting to hear it again, to make sure she wasn't just dreaming.

He smiled at her and grabbed her hands covering them with his. "Jude Harrison I am in love with you."

"Oh my god." She whispered out, biting her lip, he smiled at her again, at her reaction.

There was silence again, but not awkward this time, well, not for her, but for Tommy, he was sitting there nervously waiting for what she was going to say. Just as she was about to speak her phone vibrated in her jacket, "I should get that" who the hell was ringing her at almost 4am in the morning?

She grabbed the phone out of her pocket, looking at the caller ID "Damn It Sadie." She heard Tommy's laugh, the laugh she loved and haven't heard in a while.

"You always had great timing."

"Hello to you to" Jude heard from Sadie's end

"Sadie, what the hell do you want at 4am in the morning? And the parties still going on? She asked hearing a mixture of loud talking and the died down music in the background.

"Yeah, I'm leaving now to get some sleep, are you still at the bus?"

"Yeah…"

"Did you get my message?"

"No…" she replied, "what message?"

"Oh, well don't matter, just trying to warn you that Tom was going over there to talk to you." And what one hell of a talk she thought.

"Yeah, bit late Sades…."

"So he's there?"

"Yeah…" she replied trying to think what Sadie was getting at…

"Oh, my bad." She heard Sadie giggle,

"Are you drunk?" Tommy looked up at her, wondering what the hell the conversation was about, "Maybe" she heard Sadie giggle out again.

"Sades…" Jude warned her, knowing what her sister was like when she was drunk, it just didn't suit her. It would be like Patsy singing jingles or something, it just doesn't go. "Well got to go, tell me everything in the morning" she heard a smash on the other end then the dial tone. "Yeah like you'll remember this even happened in the morning" she said out loud to herself.

"Do I even want to know?" Tommy asked her, she tilted her head to one side, which would have made Tommy fall over if he wasn't already sat down, she was just the most amazing person he new.

"Not really." Silence again.

"But?" she asked him, "Huh?" he mumbled

"There's always a but after something like that, so… you love me...but?"

"I love you…" God, she'd never get tired of saying that, "But…" here we go.

"Nothing… There's no but. I love you, the end, and I want to do something about it…"

"And here comes the but." She asked rhetorically, "But…" he continued

"I don't want to act like an idiot here, so I guess I need to know how you feel, about me, about us… and what you want, and how were going to deal with this, us, together… so it's up to you…."

Did he really just ask that? Didn't he know already?

She looked him straight in his blue eyes, which always made her sick with anxiousness when they had _their_ moments because she always could read him. But they were clouded with vulnerability which she never saw before. She was shocked that he didn't already know, and she didn't realise a couple of minutes had passed and she was in her own little world of disbelieve right now, and Tommy had left the tour bus.

"Tommy-" she shouted out, running out, catching up to him, and crashing her lips with his, he didn't take long to kiss her back. They both kissed before, but on the spur of the moment, neither ready for it, nor long enough for them to actually get into it.

Like on her sixteenth, he hated seeing her so upset, and was confused with his feelings for her, and wanted to make her feel better, but they both weren't ready for that. Or her seventeenth when they almost kissed, and that night was honestly the best night of his life, He wanted to tell her that night how he felt, but she was still with Speed, he wasn't _that_ guy anymore and he didn't want to mess things up between them as they were before that night. Or even when half a year later and they kissed again, when they finally finished the second album, but again, spur of the moment and both afraid of someone walking in on them. Then she pulled apart, looking at him.

"I'm in love with you; I've been in love with you since I met you. I still loved you when you left, even though I tried to deny it, I couldn't, and I don't want to. I can't get you off my mind even when we argue. That answers your question?"

"Come here" he answered her by pulling her into him wrapping one arm around her waist and the other in her hair. He looked down at her and leaned in to kiss her again, but she stopped him. "I can't" she looked up at him apologetically "Not until I tell Speed, I owe him that." She hoped he understood that. He nodded, understanding, not expecting anything less from someone like Jude. "You know where I'll be after you tell him. I'm gonna go back to the hotel, warmer in there."

"Yeah." She said, grabbing his hand, not wanting him to leave, "Jude, I'm not going anywhere this time."

She hugged him again, holding on tight, whispering in his ear "I'm so happy right now it's unbelievable. I'm gonna grab my journal and I'll see you tomorrow. I'll talk to Speed in the morning." She didn't want to say it out loud, not because someone might hear, but because she felt like an idiot saying it, she'd been wanting to hear that from him for a long time, and now she has it was so indescribable. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed him on the cheek walking back to the bus backwards, watching him walk away back to the hotel.

* * *

She woke up at 10:30am in the morning, with a smile plastered on her face, that hadn't come off since that moment. He loved her, Tommy admitted he loved her, and then she remembered Speed, dreading the conversation she had to have with him.

He would understand, wouldn't he? She hoped he would. She looked at her phone, noticing the missed call and message from Sadie, and a new message from Tommy, she opened it finding her smile widen even more, if it was possible. It was a simple Hi, but reminded her of so much more, 'Hi… I can't believe last night happened' she messaged back, receiving his reply back a minute later 'Me neither.'

She messaged him again, the last 'This feels like a dream. I'm gonna go talk to Speed soon. But right now, I'm gonna go shower, so see you later?'

'Yeah' his reply coming back as soon as she sent it, she dropped her phone on her bed, noticing Karma and Patsy were still asleep, probably from the late night party. She got a change of clothes and walked into the bathroom quietly, not to wake them, turning the shower on and getting in, grateful for the warmth.

* * *

Half an hour later, she was dressed and drying her hair, almost ready to talk to Speed. Both Karma and Patsy were up getting ready to go downstairs for something to eat. She grabbed her phone of the bed and noticed no new messages; she dialled Speeds number and waited for him to pick up.

Three rings, four, five and she were about to give up when he answered very groggily "This better be good." She could tell he was hung over, and instead of taking the opportunity to mess around with him, she didn't want to make him annoyed than he would be after she told him.

"Learn that drinking is bad for you?"

"Funny." He replied sarcastically "Now, do you want anything Jude, cause you're disturbing me from very much needed and wanted sleep."

"What time did you actually get to sleep?" she asked, ignoring what he said.

"Around 6am in the morning, now you wanted?"

"To talk to you, and I need you sober, so drink coffee, a lot of coffee, and get out of bed Speed." She said, knowing he was probably in his ninja turtles pyjamas face down in his pillow.

He mumbled something into the phone, and then she heard the dial tone.

She smiled knowing that as soon as he did that, he'd be asleep again; she'd phone him again in ten minutes.

She was terrified telling him, she didn't want him to think she didn't love him, she did, and she didn't want to lose him, he was too important to her. She didn't want him to hate her, and she didn't want to hurt him, but she couldn't help her feelings, she did love Speed, but she was in love with Tommy, and couldn't change that. She didn't want all this to come back and bite her in the ass a few years on. She didn't know what would happen in a week, a month or even a year, Tommy and her might never work, but she had to try, and had a feeling that they would, two people so alike but so different at the same time, who had amazing chemistry, and held their feelings for too long, had to work, they'd make it work, they needed to talk about what'd happen next, but they'd work. She grabbed her phone and walked out of the hotel room, walking to Speeds, and dialling his number on the way, giving him another wake-up call.

She stopped at his door, not knocking but waiting for him to answer, and he did after six rings, "Hello?" his muffled voice came through, she knocked on the door, "Hold on, someone's at the door" he got up, and answered the door, seeing Jude on the other side with phone in hand, then hung up. She laughed, she was right, he was wearing the ninja turtles pyjamas "What?" he asked her, wondering why the hell she started laughing.

She pointed to what he was wearing, and he looked down embarrassed.

"God, you seriously need a shower, you smell like you downed a bar Speed, how much did you drink?" she blurted out, the place smelled of alcohol.

"Lost count after the seventh." He said, running his hands through his hair, feeling self-conscience "I'll be back in a minute" Grabbing some clean clothes and walking into the bathroom.

* * *

Five minutes later he came out of the bathroom, smelling a lot better, and looking it too. "So have fun last night?" she asked him, starting up some light conversation before getting into the hardcore stuff first.

"Yeah, the gig was amazing, the crowd was wild, and the after party even wilder. Why didn't you make it?"

"Yeah, that's why I need to talk to you about." She started; he looked at her, persuading her to carry on "I went to the bus, to think over everything, and you were right, I do still love him, and I never stopped-" He knew what was coming next "I thought what would be best for us, we've been on and off for the past couple of years, and what if we stay off, were does it leave us?, back to where we started, and I don't want to lose our friendship. I think this is the best for us. I already made my decision when Tommy knocked on the door, we talked, he told me-" She paused, "Yeah?" he asked her "Are you sure you wanna hear this?" he nodded

"We talked, he told me about everything, how he's basically been trying to do the best for me when it wasn't. He told me he was in love with me, he told me when he knew and everything." She looked at him, really hating what she was doing to him "Jude-"he said, staring into her eyes,

"It's fine, honestly. You're right, we've been and off and I don't wanna lose us either, were better as friends-"

"Close friends" she interrupted him

"Yeah, we've always been better that way, and I get it, the way you feel about him everyone can see it, and he must have been blind not to notice you. I'm glad he's told you how he feels; now you two have a chance, we've had ours, and while it lasted, I loved every minute of it." He told her the most honest he'd ever been.

"Speed-" she could feel her eyes welling up, she hugged him, holding on tight and glad that she had someone like him "Thank you." She whispered to him.

He let go and smiled up at her, "Anytime, and I'm always here for you when you wanna talk, you got that right? Things aren't gonna be weird for us."

"Yeah, and back at ya, anytime you need me."

"Hope he makes you happy Jude." He said to her, hoping he really did, she deserved to be happy and he wanted her to be, even though it wasn't with him.

"He does." She replied, "And I hope you find someone that makes you just as happy." She gave him a quick hug once again and walked out of the room, leaving him there alone, twice in the past 24 hours.

"I think I already did." He whispered into the air, the truth was, she made him happy, really happy, like Tommy made her, but he'd get over it eventually, he had to right, there was someone for everyone and if Jude's was Tom's, what if she was his? He hoped he was wrong, he didn't want to be a pathetic love sick puppy when he was fifty and sill in love with Jude. The thought alone made him shiver.

* * *

She couldn't believe this was over between them, it was done, finished. No going back, things weren't going to be exactly the same between them, but hopefully the same as before they left on tour. They still had an awesome friendship, and it wasn't going to change, and she hoped what he said was true, that things weren't going to be weird between them, and she honestly hoped he'd find someone that'd make him happy more than she knew she ever could..

She needed to see Tommy, to get his comfort, then everything would be okay, and to make the ache in her heart go away, she was just being silly though, but she felt like she lost a best friend, like when Jamie slipped away from her.

She just wanted to feel his arms around her, and the scent of him make her feel like they were the only ones around, and no problems surrounded them.

She knew what she wanted, and it was him, the only one she wanted since and before Shay, and we all know how that ended. Even when she got with Jamie, it was just to make Tommy jealous, it never worked, and she knew it wouldn't, and proved to be right, they were never the same after, the friendship between them tainted.

She wanted to feel all of him, she'd been waiting for so long just to hear him say he loved her, which she dreamed of so many times she couldn't count. There were still complications, they both knew that, but for today she wanted everything to be perfect, to just spend a day with him where there worries just faded away and didn't seem to matter, because they were together... She was older now, but so was he, and she didn't know how their friends would react to them being together, especially the age difference, which stopped them in the beginning.

She knocked on his door, tears in her eyes from her conversation with Speed, he immediately enveloped her into a hug when he opened he door and saw her looking like a wounded puppy, she pulled away though, bringing her lips up to his, kissing him, pulling them both into the room further and kicking the door behind her "Jude-"she pulled away "Sorry, just had to do that."

"So how'd it go with Speed?" he asked her wanting to know, "It- He took it quite well actually, like he knew it was coming."

"That's good."

"Yeah, it is, and it wasn't that awkward as I thought I'd be, and were still good." There was silence for a couple of minutes before Jude spoke what had been on her mind since last night "So where does this leave us?"

"Were do you want it to leave us?" he asked her, avoiding her question, the truth was he wanted to be with her, he wanted to be together, but he had his doubts,

"You're avoiding the question."

"Or maybe you're avoiding the question" he stated, attempting to confuse her.

"Tommy-"she whined "Okay, Okay…" he started sitting down on the bed and pulling her down next to him "Things are complicated Jude-"he sighed

"Don't, don't do this again." She pleaded…

"It's nothing like that, I want to be with you Jude-"

"But?" she interrupted "But, the complications that were there before is still there, just a little less important, but just as. But I can't deny my feelings anymore, and I don't want to… We have to be careful, if it gets out, it could damage both our careers, you know that right?" he asked, trying to get it through to her "I know."

"We can't tell anyone, Not Sadie, or Kwest, if possible"

"I know" she repeated. "We have to be professional at all times, in the studio, outside, even if we think were alone-"

"Okay, I get it." She said a bit harsh than she wanted, he noticed her tone "Jude, I don't want it to be like this, I wish we could be public about this, but you know they won't understand" they as in the paparazzi, there family and maybe even some of there friends. She didn't reply this time, just look down to her shoes and back up at him.

"What about now?" he looked at her a bit confused "We have a couple of hours…"she continued "Were alone, and once we get back on the busses tomorrow night, we won't have time to see eachother, so make the most of it, right?" she asked embarrassed. He replied by leaning in, capturing her lips with his, her hands automatically went up, one in his hair and the other around his neck, his hands on her waist. He sucked on her bottom lip, running his tongue along, tasting her, he wanted more, and if he didn't stop then he knew he wouldn't be able to, so he pulled back, very reluctant "Jude-" he began

"Don't-"

"We should stop…" she looked at him, in his eyes "I don't want to." She leaned back in pressing her lips to his, neither concentrating on nothing else, the door unlocked, both not noticing the person walk in, dropping what they had in their hands, shocked at what they were seeing. Tommy and Jude pulled apart, definitely hearing the smash knocking them out of there daze, hearing the distinct voice…

"Whoa, What the-"

* * *

So what do ya think? oh and might not be able to update next week, have to study a lot for my welsh exam...

Please review :)

Kirsty.x


	16. The Fallout & The Fainter

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Heyy! Thanks for the reviews, all having a blast watching the new Instant Star? Totally Amazing! So here we go.

I Own nothing from Instant Star.

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**The Fallout & The Fainter.**

"Whoa, What the-"

They both instantly backed away form eachother and stared at the person the voice belonged to "Well bang goes that theory of not telling anyone…" she said trying to make light of the situation, but failed. Tommy just looked down at her, then back at Mason. "Mase-"she said, getting up of the bed and standing up, getting herself straight, and looking at Tommy "You should go..." then looking over at Mason "and we need to talk"

"Are you sure?" Tom asked her, not wanting to leave her and let her explain everything to him. "Yeah." She replied "I can handle this" she whispered more to herself, than him "I think."

"I can stay…" he started, hearing her "No it's fine, honestly. I'll see you later at the signing." He got up and kissed her on the cheek "You know where I'll be if you need me" and walked out the door. She sighed, knowing she had to tell Mason now, she was glad in a way that he did find out cause she didn't want to keep secrets from him, and Speed already knew, and they were the two she couldn't keep secrets from, Sadie also, but she could if she had to, and in this situation she had to.

"So where should I start?" she asked, looking over at him like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"From the beginning would be good. How long?" she could hear the tone in his voice that he was upset that she never told him, but she could also see that he was happy for her.

"Early hours this morning, after the concert…"

"Well it's about time!" he blurted out, causing her to laugh and sigh that he wasn't mad at her

"So you're not angry or surprised at the least?"

"No, you two have been avoiding this since I've known you…spill the details"

She smiled at him, glad that he was being like this and wished that if they did tell anyone they'd react like this too, but she knew they wouldn't, her friends who truly knew her would be happy for her and deal with it, but the press, Darius, her family… They definitely wouldn't approve of it.

"Well, last night after the concert I went to the bus for some piece and quiet to think… and I fell asleep, there was knocking at the door, and there he was… and he basically just confessed everything he's felt for the past four years. He told he me loved me"

"Oh my god." He whispered "Exactly my reaction." She laughed out.

"I'm so happy for you" she hugged him; it felt good knowing someone knew and was really genuinely happy for her, and wasn't just faking it so please her.

"So if I hadn't of come in here when I did, what would I have saw then?"

She looked down at the floor embarrassed, "So not answering that." But he already had her answer. They say there talking about everything that went on last night in more detail and the conversation they had before he came in, then he saw she had someone on her mind that was troubling her… "Jude, I've seen that face before, what's wrong?"

"Nothing-"

"Jude-"he started, she sighed knowing she couldn't lie or get anything past him "It's just… No ones supposed to know, we weren't telling anyone, not even Sadie, and now you know, I'm just afraid he'll back out, before things get complicated, and I don't think I could take that-"she felt the tears sting her eyes, she knew she shouldn't get upset like this, that she should have faith in him, but she knew him, and when things got tough, she knew he'd run.

"Hey, Hey… Come here" he said, pulling her into another hug, "Don't get upset about this, I'm sure he wouldn't do that to you again, it's not that important that I know, I'm not gonna tell anyone, you know that, right?"

"Yeah"

"And plus, if he does and breaks your heart again, I'll break his legs."

She looked up at him and couldn't keep a straight face, picturing Mason, her Mason would even attempt to do that.

"Please don't."

"Feeling better?"

"Yes. And thank you" she replied, she did feel better; he always made her feel better.

"No problem, now go get him cause we only got an hour then the signing, oh and are we still going on the other bus, now things between you all are good?"

"Yeah-" he looked at her funny "Everything between Speed and me are fine, I want to go on the other bus cause being around the two of them is going to be awkward and being around Tommy and not being able to touch him…"

"Too much information" he joked, she shoved him with her elbow "Hey" he shouted out, they both laughed.

"I'll see ya later then."

"See ya Harrison."

She walked out the door and looked back to Mason, poking her tongue out to him and heard his reply "Save that for Tommy."

She gave him a death glare "Sorry" he shouted back "Mouth shut."

She closed the door and was glad that no one was around when he said that, god that would have been so hard to explain, and one hell of a paper storyline to run. She hoped Mason was right, that Tommy wouldn't run and eventually they would tell everyone and get through everything. She got out her phone and dialled his number, no answer, she tried three more times, still no answer, what was he doing, avoiding her? She left a message "I know what you're doing, so stop. Call me when you get this, I'll be at the signing."

She went back to her room, clearly not going to see Tommy until then, and go get ready for the signing and pack up some lose end for the bus later that day.

* * *

It was quarter to three and the fans were already lined up waiting for all of them to arrive, all of them were behind the curtains almost ready, and excited to meet some of there fans. They'd selected a hundred people to come in from the concert at random, they wished they could have had more, but they were on a schedule and had to keep to it, apparently. But at least it was personal, they could have pictures and autographs and they'd have time to do it all. So it was going to be good.

Jude kept looking around for Tommy, but still no sign of him, god she was so anxious about seeing him now, since he's basically been avoiding her, no texts, no calls, nothing and she hadn't seen him since the run in with Mason asmorning, she didn't want it to end and didn't want to hear those words coming form him, again.

* * *

It was 6pm and the signing went great, signed a lot of autographs, some photos and they all had some gifts of off the fans, which was so cute.

Jude went past being anxious and needing to see Tommy, now she was just plain mad, he hadn't shown his face through the signing, not once, so where the damn was he? They were leaving soon, and she wouldn't see him again until they stopped next. But if he didn't want to see her or talk to her, two could play at that game.

She walked back to the hotel room to grab her stuff, and double check she had everything. Patsy and Karma were already there, doing some quick late packing, shoving everything into the bag so they'd leave on time. She checked her phone again, nothing.

God, she was so pathetic, what did he do to her? She decided to just go down to the bus, and put her bags away, at least it was better than just waiting around for Tommy to call back, she tried his phone one more time and this was going to be the last, she thought for the hundredth time.

"Hey, this is message fifty, it's me, again, seriously you're annoying me now, at least talk to me damn it." She didn't even bother with the nice talk this time, she was pissed, he wouldn't talk to her, she needed him to talk to her, he couldn't back out now.

* * *

Manny and the other driver were already at the busses, checking, making sure everything was good, and helping the others to put the equipment in. "Hey Manny" she shouted while walking over to him. "Hey Kid." There that was again, _kid. _How could some people just make her feel like a kid again? Like that feeling you got when you had your first crush, or your first kiss, and with just that word, all those feelings came rushing back, making her feel just like that. It made her angry now, the feelings, and before she could control it, it just blurted out "I'm not a kid" he looked at her shocked and slightly hurt, she realised the harshness in her voice "Sorry"

"Hey, its okay, but what has gotten you in this mood?" Manny was like the uncle every family has, all the people at G Major were like her family more than her real family, Darius, was like her father, Georgia was like her mother, EJ was like the annoying sister, kind of like Sadie. They were all her family and she missed them right now, she was still in contact with Georgia and EJ, she'd call them every couple of weeks. She didn't really know Manny that well, she knew he had two kids, and was happily married for twenty years, but that was about it.

"It's nothing." He obviously didn't know her that well either, because clearly everything was not nothing wrong.

"Mason and I are swapping busses, and Karma's coming on here, thought it would be a little less crowded."

"Okay, that's fine, just make sure you take everything to Howie." She nodded, so that was his name, Howie was new, last time they went on tour, they only had one bus, and that was Manny's.

Ten minutes later mostly everyone was where they should be, on the busses, all the equipment and bags put away, but still no Tom Quincy. She waited purposely outside in the cold night air, looking at the sky, waiting for him, obviously he was running late, and then he finally exited out of the hotel door.

He looked straight at her, and she didn't look away, she could feel his eyes burning into her, and knew he was searching for the emotion she always tried to lock away, but only let him in. But, for once, she couldn't stand it, and looked once back up at the sky and walked back onto the bus Mason waiting on the couch with Sadie for her. "You okay?" Sadie mouthed to her; she nodded and gave her a forced smile "Come on Jude…"

"No Sadie, I'm fine, okay… I'm just tired… "

"Okay, well, we'll talk later?"

"Yeah…" she said, walking over to the bunk next to Sadie's, and getting her Ipod out of her bag and plonking herself on the bunk, music always calmed her.

A half an hour later, she was a lot calmer until she felt her phone vibrate by the side of her, one guess? Quincy.

She didn't even bother answering, ignore it Jude, she told herself over and over again the next five minutes with every time he called. Ignore it, he's having a taste of his own medicine, and then five more minutes later, it stopped.

Come on, she tried harder than that, she went back to listening to the music and try to block him out of her head and go asleep, but god, she wanted to hear his voice, so she checked to see if he left any voicemails. There was just one, she knew she shouldn't listen to it and just delete it, but she needed to hear his voice before she could sleep

"Jude, come on, I'm sorry about earlier, and I deserve this, but please, talk to me." She could hear the desperation in his voice, and wanted so bad to call him and tell him what she wanted to earlier, but like he said, he deserved this, and her resolve was softening at his voice, she could feel it, so she couldn't talk to him now.

Again, her phone rang, she picked it up, fighting with herself to actually open it and talk to him, or to ignore it, so she done something better. She didn't need the constant ringing right now, and didn't want to have the urge to answer it every time.

So she did something better, which would solve the problem to an extent, for now, anyway. She got off the bunk, walked to the window in the front lounge where Sadie sat and opened the window and chucked the phone out, satisfied with the unmistakeable sound of it crashing and breaking. She turned back, noticing Sadie look at her funny, she just smirked and shrugged while walking back to the bunk, now she could get some peace, and then she heard Sadie's phone going. "ARGH!" she screamed out in frustration.

* * *

Sadie laughed at her sisters reaction and answered her ringing phone, "Hello?" she whispered into the phone, careful not to wake anyone up, even though they probably wouldn't be asleep, everyone was exhausted from last night and the signing today and with all the rush everyone turned in early, so it was so quiet.

"Sadie, it's me"

"Tom?"

"Yeah, can you put Jude on? I've been calling her and she stubbornly won't answer…"

"One. No. Two. I don't know what's going on between you two but fix itand three. She's not answering because she just threw her phone out the window, so yeah, got the hint? She really doesn't want to speak to you."

"Please Sadie, I need to talk to her." He replied not really caring she knew, even though he hated the fact that his ex knows about him and her younger sister.

"You can't right now. Can't you do it in the morning, she's been trying to sleep for the past forty minutes, and she was the one_ trying_ to talk to you earlier if you remember."

"Okay, just tell her-"pause.

"Tell her what?" he decided against what he was originally going to say and opted for a not so personal one.

"Just tell her goodnight, and I'll try and talk to her in the morning."

"Okay."

* * *

She heard someone shouting her name and shoving her awake, but she didn't want to, but the voice was getting louder and she soon recognised it as Sadie's and then the shoving got harder and she woke up just to stop Sadie from freaking bruising her.

"Hey!"

"What?" she asked simply "It's not like dropping anything would have woke you up anyways."

"Yeah well… whatever."

"Real mature, Jude." She answered back as Jude stuck her tongue at her sister.

"Now get up and get dressed, were stopping in half an hour to get breakfast."

"What time is it?" she asked whilst yawning "Half eight, now get your ass out of bed."

Jude replied with a groan protest but eventually ten minutes later got out of the bunk and went into the bathroom to get changed, she'd have to have a shower later. She looked at herself in the mirror, blonde hair a mess, eyes puffy from the threatening tears she wouldn't let fall last night, and bags under them, and looking really pale. She came out of the bathroom ten minutes later, feeling sick and obviously Sadie noticed "Jude are you okay? You look really pale."

"I'm fine."

"Jude- you look not fine"

"Sadie I'm fine" she said a little more sharply this time "Honestly" a little softer this time

"Okay." Sadie said not at all convinced that Jude was okay at all.

The truth was she wasn't feeling okay and she knew something was wrong, she felt like she had a migraine, her eyes were burning to the light, she felt sick and claustrophobic, she felt panicky and she felt like she was moving when she wasn't. She shook her head to clear her head and sat down on the couch, hoping this would pass. She heard Sadie's phone ring, and remembered what happened last night and where her phone ended up. She heard her answer and walk into the back lounge for some privacy.

* * *

Tom woke up feeling exhausted and a headache coming on, he didn't get any sleep last night thinking about Jude, he knew what she was probably thinking right now and she was right. He didn't call her back when she phoned him for like the thirtieth time because he was scared, Mason finding out, and so soon, things just got too overwhelming, and he knew he should have called her.

He knew that he should never have even thought about backing out of the relationship he's waited for since he met her, but he did, and he was ashamed of himself for even thinking about it. Jude was too good for him, and she deserved someone who could give her everything she wanted and not possibly ruin her career as well as being hurt again by him.

But he needed to sort things out as soon as possible, she would be awake now, and hopefully at least want to talk to him enough to not hang up on him.

So he called Sadie, and when she finally answered she didn't sound right, she sounded worried "Hey Sadie…"

"Tom."

"Is everything okay? You sound worried." He asked her wanting to know if anything was wrong with any of them, even though he didn't love her like that, he still loved her as a friend.

"Yeah…No…" he heard the faint sound of defeat in her voice "There's nothing wrong, I'm just worried about Jude…" the sound of her name freaked him out in that sentence, and just the sound of her name made him listen. "She's just being really weird asmorning, she's not talking much, she looks sick and she looks really, really pale. It's just not like her, she's just sitting here like a robot, it's like someone else's there, this is not my sister, Tom, what have you done to her?" she finished and he never heard Sadie like this, as much as she could deny it, she really loved her sister, and never once when they were together had he heard her so concerned about her.

"Sadie, let me talk to her."

"I don't think that's a good idea…" she started cautiously

"Put her on the phone, Sadie, let me talk to her."

"Okay." he finally got through to her.

He heard some shuffling about and then finally heard Jude's voice echo into his ear.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"So you wanted to talk?" she asked, Sadie was right, she wasn't her usual self in the morning, she didn't sound grumpy like she usually did before she had her coffee, she wasn't protesting talking to him, nothing, she just sounded plain, and one word to describe Jude was not plain.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about yesterday Jude, and I do want to talk, but face to face, what I have to say, I need to talk to you, and not the phone. So we'll talk over breakfast?"

"Yeah, Okay." He could feel her smile on the other end, so something was looking up.

"I'll see you soon then?"

"Yeah, see you soon. Bye."

"Bye." He wanted to say more, he wanted to say he loved her, but he knew she might not say it back, and didn't want to push things.

She closed Sadie's phone and felt a little bit better after speaking to him, she wanted to say she loved him, but was afraid of what his answer would be, and he said what he had to say needed to be face to face, and she had the nervous feeling he was going to break up with her.

A couple of minutes later the bus stopped, her head was still spinning so she didn't notice.

"Jude, you coming?" she heard Sadie's voice echo somewhere in the distance

"Huh?"

"You coming out for breakfast?"

"Uh, Yeah." She got up and steadied herself, yeah, she probably needed some fresh air, that's all… and she was meeting Tommy, okay that made her feel worse, not better, it's one thing to talk to him over the phone, there's another to talk and having to look at him.

She walked out of the bus and she did feel a bit better when the cold air breezed its way onto her., but then she saw him… She saw him walking out of the first bus, with the leather jacket, and he looked… god he looked good, but somehow she couldn't appreciate it right now. He must of known she was looking cause the next thing, she was looking into his normally crystal blue eyes, but they were clouded and she noticed he looked exhausted.

The panic came back and she felt nauseous and the anxiety was building up and was going to explode. "Sades'" she whispered out…

* * *

Tom walked out of the bus needing to see Jude, he was aching to see her, god he was a lost man and he knew it. He felt someone's eyes burning into to him, and he knew then it was Jude, so he looked up to be proven right and met her green eyes, which usually he could read, but in this case, he couldn't. Something was wrong with her, he could tell, she wasn't standing right, and she looked way past pale than she usually was. He started walking towards her and she started walking to catch up to Sadie, then stopped and swayed a little, he ran towards her as he heard the thud as bone collided with pavement as he head hit the ground.

"Jude!"

* * *

So hope you like this chapter, please review. :)

Thanks, Kirsty.x


	17. The Return & The Battle

Heyyy, so it's been quite a while. Sorry, I just really haven't had much time to go on the laptop the past two weeks, first I had to learn a lot of Welsh for my GCSE Coursework Speaking Exam, but it's done now, finally. :) Then I had English Coursework and C.D Coursework has to be in by next week, so i'm on here supposed to be doing that, but decided to update. I finished this chapter Tuesday, so it was kind of rushed, and if it don't make much sense, you know why. :) Just to warn you.

I don't own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

The Return & The Battle

"Jude!"

Sadie turned around at the sound of Tommy's voice, and her jaw literally dropped at what she saw when she looked at that direction. She couldn't move, frozen on the spot, and was in disbelief at what she was seeing. There lying on the floor was her little sister, _her little sister, _at that moment she felt like she was paralyzed. Kwest felt her stop and turned around to see why she did, and the exact same reaction happened to him, Jude was like a younger sister to him, and he loved Sadie and had no clue at what she was feeling right now.

He was more focused on the situation at hand than Sadie was, he stood in front of her to try and get her to stop her from staring at Jude, it was doing no good for her, he tried to read her, but her face was blank, her eyes showed no emotion. "Sadie…" no answer he shook her lightly and tried again "Sadie, look at me."

She did this time, I'm gonna call 911, now get it together and go over there, your sister needs you." She nodded and ran over, silently sobbing when she got a closer look at her, she was lying so still, she was breathing, and she could see blood mattered in her hair from where she fell, and when she saw Tommy, god, that made her want to cry even worse. He was crying, full on crying, Thomas Quincy, the complicated hardcore exterior that never let you in, was crying and he didn't even care that anyone saw him.

"Tommy-" she felt the tears fall down her cheeks, he looked away at Jude and looked straight at her and she could see the hurt and anger heading towards her "Don't Sadie-"

"What happened?" she asked him silently, "Oh, I don't know, you tell me."

"What?" she asked confused, "You should have been watching her Sadie, you told me asmorning she looked ill, you should have made her stay in the bus, you should have kept an eye on her. This-"he looked down at Jude "Is your fault." Se knew he didn't mean it and he was just looking out for Jude and he was hurt so he leashed out on her, trying to blame someone when the truth was no one was to blame, it just happened.

By the time he finished everyone found out about what happened and Mason and Speed ran over to them, and all they could hear was Masons voice whisper "Oh My God."

Vincent Spiederman wasn't a guy who got shocked so easily, with everything that has happened to him over the past 10 years, nothing really got to him except Jude. Seeing her like that, god he couldn't even explain it, how he felt way beyond distraught having to see his Jude like that. He couldn't say anything, couldn't cry, and couldn't look away even though he wanted to do so, so badly. All Sadie could hear was those very words Tom said drumming into her ear over and over, and over again, until she couldn't take it anymore and ran into the bus, letting the tears flow frequently like rain from her mascara ruined eyes.

* * *

Everything was dark, she couldn't see anything, but she could hear the blood pounding in her head and someone's voice who she couldn't quite tell who it was, she was in no state to even think about anything than try and distinguish someone's voice when she couldn't even see right now. She remembered feeling weird before she fell, she remembered seeing his eyes, and then nothing as she felt the sting of pain as her head collided with something. She tried to open her eyes and they burned when a bit of sunlight made its way into her eyes. Her vision was blurred but she could make out a face leaning over her as her eyes opened a bit more slowly, and then she heard his voice.

"Hey" she heard him say, she opened her eyes all the way and saw Tommy's face, and felt his hand brush against her forehead as he moved a piece of hair out of her face, and then the throbbing in her head started getting worse as she got more coherent. She squinted her eyes to try and stop it a bit, no such luck, she tried to speak, but again, no such luck, she didn't have the strength.

All was forgotten what happened between them the other day, all she wanted was him to not let go of her hand. She was scared, terrified even of what the hell happened, why did she collapse, why did she faint? Why was she feeling ill? "I'm so tired" she managed to croak out, her throat was so scratchy and dry, but she needed to get out, cause she wanted to close her eyes again, and as she was about to she heard his voice again. "Jude, don't go asleep. You might have a concussion. The ambulance will be here in a minute."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, you just collapsed…" her eyes started to fall again. "Jude-"

"I'm awake, just keep talking." She tried to smile to reassure him but it came out as a half poor attempt of one, which did nothing to reassure him.

"What are you trying to do to me Jude? Give me a heart attack?"

She tried to laugh but ended up coughing "It's not funny Jude." He warned

"I know… It's just… I can't think… My head is hurting…" the sun was shining way to bright for her liking on this side so she closed her eyes and tried to roll her head to the other side, at her attempt she saw Mason and Speed, great humiliation on top of all of this. Mason knelt down by her side "Hey Jude."

She looked at him funny at hearing 'Hey Jude."

"Sorry" he whispered out, noticing she hated that. "Hey Mase." She smiled, "Where's Speed?" she asked them, not looking at Tommy so she didn't notice the look of hurt on his face "He was here a minute ago, must of went to check on the ambulance" Mason answered.

She looked back at Tommy and squeezed his hand tighter "Can I get up now; my back is killing lying here."

"No, don't move, incase you've injured something when you fell." She closed her eyes again the light hurting her eyes. "Fine" she whispered out ad heard the ambulance sirens in the distance… and then hearing Tommy's voice again "Jude, Jude, Look at me-"she opened her eyelids and gave a half smile at him "What?"

* * *

At The Hospital-

She woke up with a hazy banging head and blurred eyes and looked around the white room, panicking at her surroundings not knowing where she was. She started breathing heavier and the drip in her hand moved which caused her arm to ache. Then she heard a voice which caused her to jump, which didn't help her head, and she started to panic more, "Jude-" she heard his voice, and saw him move into her eye vision, and she calmed a little as she saw him, knowing who the person was, but didn't help the breathing "Jude, calm down." Stuart Harrison said to his youngest daughter "What are you doing here?" she managed to get out between breaths. "Jude-"but she stopped listening to him and could only hear the blood pumping in her eyes, "Where's Sadie, get Sadie…" she said. Tommy walked into her room with a cup of coffee in his hand and noticed her panicking straight away and dropped the coffee on the table, not caring if it tipped over and went straight over to her.

"Jude-Jude- Look at me" she wouldn't "Look. At. Me." He said a bit more forcefully this time, she did.

"Calm down, you need to breathe slower."

"I-I-can't." she managed out. He grabbed her hand which didn't have the IV drip in and place it over his heart and covered his hand over hers, "Listen, Feel." She could feel his steady heartbeat under her palm and began to imitate his breathing. "Breathe."

Her breathing became slower "That's it." And then it finally slowed down to normal, at he let go over her hand, much to her dismay, but her dad was there, that's why he did, she forgot about him.

"Thanks" she whispered "Anytime" he smiled at her, then they both heard an impatient cough and they both looked at Mr. Harrison looking at them both.

"I think you should go Tom, while Jude and I here have a little chat." She squeezed on Tom's hand, asking him not to leave, he squeezed hers back telling her he wasn't going anywhere.

"No, I think you're the one who should leave." Jude said dryly looking at the man she used to call dad.

"Jude-"he warned "I came all the over here, out of my way to see you, you could at least talk to me, without _him_ here" he looked at Tommy.

"Is that all I am to you? An inconvenience? And _him,_ he's been a big part of my life, so you don't get to say that. And I'll make it simple for you _dad_. Why don't you just go back to Yvette and her family... I don't need you here; I've gotten by fine for the past two to three years. I have the people I need around me. The people who love me. So just go."

"I'm not leaving Jude, I came here to see and talk to you, you could be at least a little grateful." Okay, that done it for her, she was pissed now,

"So this is what it takes to get you to see and talk to me, nice to know, I'll just break my arm or something the next time if I want to see you."

"Don't speak to me like that young lady." She could tell he was losing his cool, well damn right because she was way past cool and she was going to say what she felt and what she should have said a long time ago.

"I can say what I like, you're the one who abandoned us, it's a wonder you even remembered you had two daughters, never mind one. You haven't been here for me dad! You left, you left me and Sadie alone to deal with everything ourselves, sure you were there after mom left then went back to freaking Yvette when I got with Speed, what kind of dad does that? You're supposed to be there for me. You weren't even there when I lost the baby." Tommy was stood in-between the two looking awkward, he didn't know what to do to make Jude feel better; she couldn't get too vamped up because she would hyperventilate again.

"Well you shouldn't have got pregnant at eighteen."

"Oh so that was it? Huh? Because I got pregnant, or is it because I slept with Spied, maybe if it was some stranger it might make you feel better." She started sarcastically. "You don't even know anything about it, because you _were not_

there. I even tried to commit suicide I was so stupid and the only reason I didn't cause Sadie, Mason and Spied walked in when I was about to and stopped me, they talked to me, helped me realised it wasn't worth it. No one was worth it. Bet you didn't know that, did you? "Tommy looked at her; he didn't know that either, she looked at him, giving him an apologetic look she never told him and then him finding out like this, she'd talk to him about it more later… "I made a mistake, people make mistakes, you should know you made a big one, and split our family apart. So don't be talking to me about not getting pregnant at eighteen."

"Jude-"he tried to interrupt her, but she wasn't letting him now.

"So just leave before I get security because I don't want you here and you are not my family."

"I'm disappointed in you Jude" her pupils dilated as she was way beyond mad and hurt, she just felt sad at the pathetic man standing in front of her and she couldn't believe that was her father, he sunk low, really low, to get at her, and she wasn't going to let him.

"Yeah well, I've been disappointed in you since you blatantly cheated on mom without a second thought and ruined this family apart. Did you think about how you were ruining are family after you finished screwing her or just never even did? You are not the father I once new." He didn't even attempt to argue this time; he just left the room without saying anything else, as soon as he left she left the tears fall that had been threatening since she opened her emotions towards her father out.

"Jude-" Tommy tried softly but the crying worsened, so he sat on the bed and pulled his arm around attempting to comfort her by just letting her cry and letting her know he was here for her. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest, letting her tears soak into his T-shirt, she was letting it all go, this was going to be the last time she was ever going to cry over her family issue, she wasn't going to cry over her parents anymore, they ruined her life, and the worse thing they didn't even care, and she wasn't going to ever forget it.

"Hey-It's okay" he whispered into her ear, "I know" she mumbled out through his shirt, she let go of him and lied back down on the bed, feeling suddenly very emotionally drained, so she let the final tears fall, and looked down at her hands, now feeling uncomfortable that she just had a shouting match and bared her soul to her father and she couldn't believe she said screwed while Tommy was in the room.

He could tell she felt uncomfortable and tried to lighten it a bit, he reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks away, which made her look at him, she looked so young and vulnerable at that moment, he'd never seen her like this since she told him about the baby, and then she was calm and collected. He gently leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a light kiss, and then rested his forehead on hers "I'm so sorry Jude" she shivered and felt the electricity as she felt his breath on her face.

She knew he was talking about her father but also about what happened between them. "Hey, people are allowed to be idiots" she looked him in the eyes trying to lighten the atmosphere which suddenly became replaced with desire. "I didn't mean just that."

"I know." She leaned in this time and kissed him lightly on the lips and wanted more but they both heard the unmistakeable echo's of Sadie's heels walking down the hall to her room, so they both backed away, even though it was Sadie, but they didn't know who was with her. They both saw Sadie, Mason, Kwest, and Speid walk through the door of her room. "Hey guys." She smiled up at them "How're you feeling Jude?" Kwest asked her, "Okay, I guess." She looked at Tommy when she heard his voice "I better go, leave you lot to talk."

"You don't have to" she gave him a pleading look not to. "I need to go do something anyway, I'll be back soon though, promise." He whispered the last part so only she could hear it.

"Okay." She looked disappointed but gave him a smile anyway.

The truth was he was going to find Stuart to give him a piece of his mind, how dare he hurt his girl like that, how dare he himself hurt his daughter like that? He needed to give him a piece of his mind.

* * *

He walked out of Jude's room, looking back at her as he did, and then carried on down the door heading for the Cafeteria hopefully where Stuart Harrison would be. He was right; walking through the cafeteria and saw him sitting at a table near the back, and Stuart looked at him, pushed back the chair and walked over to Tom. "We need to talk, now." He spat out. They both walked out casually, not saying anything and not looking back, but as soon as they got out, the silence broke

"Are you sleeping with my daughter?" Stuart bluntly spat out

"What, no-"he replied honestly, well, not yet anyway, but he didn't voice that.

"Then what are you doing with my daughter Tom, because an artist and producer don't act like that, what are you even here for?"

"I have a relationship with her, yeah, she's my artist and my colleague, we have a friendship, we see a lot of eachother."

"Yeah, you do." He replied sarcastically.

"What are _you_ doing here? Because it's certainly not for Jude, what got a guilty conscious?" this time Tom got in his face, how dare he imply something was going on with him and Jude, he don't even know what's happened between them.

"How dare you. You don't know what's gone on, you don't know me, and you don't know my family."

"I know what's gone on because she told me, spent hours in the studio signing about it so she wouldn't cry, and she still did, and you obviously don't know your daughter enough to know that she needed you, and she still needed you even though she's an adult, and you were not here for her or Sadie. So I think it's best for Sadie and for Jude if you just leave, and let them get on with their lives."

"Who are you to tell me what and what not is best for my daughters." Stuart asked him angrily. Tom sighed walked away a bit then got right in his face which surprised Stuart "Because unlike you" he spat "I've been here for Sadie when she needed me even after we broke up. I've been here for Jude from the start even when she didn't want me to. I've stayed being here for them when the going got tough. So I think I have the right to do what's best for them and if that's by getting you to leave, then I'll do it, at whatever cost."

I think he got the picture because Stuart pushed past him, intending to knock him hard enough so he fell, but he kept his cool, and just stumbled backwards watching as he leaves "I'll tell them you said bye then." He shouted after him with a satisfied smirk on his face. He headed back to the entrance to go back to Jude's room.

* * *

She sat there in the bed watching him leave and she missed him even though he only just left. That's when she knew that they'd get through whatever got in their way, and that she made the right choice because she loved him.

Well and truly loved him that her heart ached when she wasn't near him, or touch him. She smiled at the people who where in the room with her, her family, her real family "So what are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be at the bus?"

"Yeah, like were really going to leave you here alone with Tommy, you wish" Mason said out without thinking. She gave him a death glare and then noticed the others' faces, they weren't shocked. "Okay, let me get this right, you all know?" They all nodded "How?" she looked at Mason and Speed "Hey don't look at us." Speed spoke for the both of them "We haven't said a word." He looked at Mason "Until then. Anyway." Mason looked down at his shoes sheepishly.

"Then how do you know?"" she asked looking at Kwest and Sadie "isn't it obvious?" Sadie started "He was looking for you really late the other night, why would he?" Jude looked at her "Yeah thanks for the heads up by the way." She said dryly then looked at Kwest and wagged her eyebrows up in a 'your turn' suggestion. He just shrugged his shoulders and agreed with what Sadie said, "Also sisterly intuition." Sadie added. "Dad came in earlier… I guess I have you to thank?" she asked not at all appreciatively.

"I'm so sorry Jude, I just panicked, and I didn't know what to do. Seeing like that I just freaked so I called him." Seeing the sincerity in her sister's eyes she didn't hold it against her "its okay Sades, it was just really weird, and if you see him, well I guess he'll tell you but I didn't hold anything back. I just could have done without it, but I see you point, so it's okay. Have you seen him?"

"No. Well, a glance as he stormed out of the corridor. Never said a word to me. Guess he just came here and left." She noticed the hurt in her sister's voice and the glint of sadness in her eyes when she talked about him. "You didn't miss much. Short version, he basically came here to tell me how much of an inconvenience and a failure I am to him to have gotten pregnant at the age of eighteen, so yeah you didn't miss out on much." At that Speed got all quiet, and she noticed

"Hey, I didn't take it, I gave as much back, so don't worry." He looked up at she smiled at him.

"Anyway… I'm really tired guys and the doctor will be here soon to check up on me, so would you mind going for a bit and come back later?" she asked them, truthfully feeling tired, but didn't want any of them asking questions about Tommy and her. "Yeah sure. We'll come back later." Sadie answered for all of them. Just as they left she called Kwest back really wanting his answer "Kwest."

"Yeah Jude?" he asked her "Give me your real answer." He looked at her confused "I need to know Kwest, because if you guys know without anyone telling you, then how are we supposed to do this if there's something about us together which gives it away." He started laughing lightly "This is not funny." She said sternly "No, I know it's not, there's nothing you two do that gives it away. No vibe, nothing, you guys are pretty platonic that way, only to the people who don't know you the way we do. We know you, so we know when there's something different between the two of you." He paused,

"Like yesterday we were talking and he was genuinely happy Jude, which I don't see that often unless he's with you. You seriously changed him for the better, and I know he may have acted like an ass because he wouldn't take your calls." She looked at him giving him a look that said 'how'd you know that?' "I was with him, He never answered because he was scared Jude, and then he told me everything, because he was scared and didn't know what to do for the better, he was fighting with himself whether to do the right thing or not, and if Mason never interrupted you two-" he paused "What?"

"I've already said too much."

"No, Kwest tell me, you can't just say all that then not finish" she silently pleaded, she needed to know what he said, was he glad they got interrupted? Did he regret getting that close? A bit late now…

"I told him that I didn't know if I'd be able to stop." She knew that voice by heart.

* * *

Okay, hope it was worth the wait.

So, it probably was kind of over the top, but never had much time to look over it and get things right, and anyway, i'm always over the top. :P

Also, the story is finishing in like three more chapters, so if you want a sequel or prequel, whatever, just say.

Please review.

K-x


	18. The Talks

W00t, Okay the last chapter was my longest. This was supposed to be part of it but split it into two chapters, so this is a little shorter, but a lot of interesting unravelling.Okay, so again, didn't have much time been busy, but the holidays now! Got some coursework to do, not too much, but as it is the holidays, won't be on here too much either.

I don't own anything from Instant Star but I do own the lyrics to Love to Hate You.

* * *

**The Talks**

"I told him that I didn't know if I'd be able to stop."

They both turned around at the unmistakeable voice of Tom Quincy.

"And this is my cue to leave. I'll just leave you two alone." Kwest said while backing out of the room feeling way too awkward, but looked back in the room because he saw the doctor heading his way to the room "But before you guys get into whatever you two do, you may want to wait until the doctor leaves." And exited the door fully just as the doctor walked in.

"Hello Miss. Harrison, Mr. Quincy" a forty something, lanky man with dark short hair and glasses greeted the two as he walked in, they nodded at him "Call me Jude, Dr…?"

"McNeil, Dr. McNeil." She nodded and smiled. "I've been going through your chart and something doesn't add up so were going to do some overnight tests..."

"Wait? What?" she interrupted him "Overnight tests? As in staying in the hospital overnight?" she heard Tommy laugh at her stupid question and she through an empty bottle of water at him that Sadie brought in earlier.

"Yes overnight. We'll take some tests and have them sent through straight away and get the results back ASAP since you need to get back to your tour.

"But what do you think it might be?" she asked him "Well we can't be sure, but Iron deficiency, exhaustion and deprived of sleep can do a lot of damage, that's what probably made you fall. You haven't got a concussion, which is good. Also, if you've had any worries, or some bad news, caused the anxiety attack. So try and relax. The nurse will be in soon to give you some meds, you need to sleep, and you haven't so we'll give you something to calm you down. If you have any other questions, just ask the nurse to page me." She was in no state to talk because she was stunned; she hated hospitals ever since she was a kid, when she had to come in for a broken ankle because Jamie dared her to jump of a moving roundabout when she was six. Tommy answered for her "Thank you." And Doctor McNeil left.

"So what's your deal with hospitals?" he asked her when the doctor left.

"Nothing, just don't like them, lets just say there was a bad experience involving Jamie, a dare and a roundabout. In that order." She shuddered at the memory, and it saddened her that the closeness she and Jamie once shared, he was her best friend since forever and told him everything, he was her first non-real kiss and she missed him.

"Stay with me?" she asked him "yeah, if they allow it.

* * *

"So are we ever going to discuss what you just blurted out? Or just forget about it?" Jude's voice broke the comfortable silence that overcame them later that day while they were eating the crappy hospital food, of Chicken that tasted like fish and peas which looked like something else, the good part, Jell-O.

She head Tommy's deep sigh "Jude-"

"No, I just want to know, you know, right now, I don't give a crap and I'm still on a high from earlier so if there's anything you need to say, now would be good, and as a new beginning, start now, before the nurse comes to knock me out. So…"

"Jude, you don't know what you're asking from me…" he started with a flare of conflict sparked in his voice.

"Then tell me."

"Do you really want to know? Honestly cause there's no going back."

She mutely nodded.

"I've been with a lot of people Jude, more than I can even remember, but I was young and stupid and drunk on fame. But I've never gotten close to anyone, so it never meant anything. But you, you're the one person I've gotten close to, too close, the one person I can't get off my mind no matter how hard I try, and the one person I can't control myself around, and it's just it's with you and if we start, and don't get interrupted, I don't think I'd be able to stop… That's why I didn't answer your calls, or phone you back, or see you because I was with Kwest, I needed to talk, think straight…" he started rambling.

"Tommy, stop rambling, it's not my first time, and I definitely know it's not yours. So just relax and stop worrying about it. I'm nineteen, been way through too much than I should have since fifteen, and I know what I want, so make up your mind, what do you want?, and you know I'm only saying this cause hopefully I've embarrassed myself a lot today and I won't remember it tomorrow with the drugs there giving me, and who said I'd want you to stop?" she looked him in his eyes to show him she was serious, serious about this, serious about them, they were adults, she was an adult.

"I want you." He whispered out after she finished.

The atmosphere suddenly become very tense and thicker, so she tried to lighten it, they couldn't do anything, she was in a freaking hospital bed for Christ sakes, so why didn't she care? "Oh, by the way, that's four people who now know about us." he looked at her "Hey, don't even go there, Mason, well yeah, you were there, Speid knew because I had to give him a reason and he would have found out anyway. Sadie just knew and you told Kwest." She smiled at his freaked out face

"You're not backing out are you? You're not going to run?" she voiced out what she wanted to ask last night. "What? No. No. Jude, don't think like that, I know I haven't been an ad for the 'Poster Boy', I ran from my feelings, I kept everything inside so it wouldn't surface and explode. I asked you to forget what happened, but I'm not running anymore and I can't, it's in the past, I'm tired of running. Because I'm in this for the long run, this is it for me, you're it for me." She smiled "I'm in this too. No more running."

"No more running." He repeated. "You know, all the humiliation today, would be so worth doing again, just to hear that over." He smiled down at her and she knew he meant every word that he said, he was in this. So as for 'Surprising the hell out of Jude Harrison day' how about one for Tommy?

"So I guess we should talk now about what you heard?" he nodded "If you want, it's up to you, you should get some rest, and I think you've had enough emotional traumas today."

"No, its fine, I want to do this, might as well while I'm on a roll huh? Okay, I'm just going to say it because after it, I don't want to think about it again, and I don't want to talk about it after today either. Okay?"

He nodded.

"After I lost the baby, I become depressed and secluded from everyone, I had many questions and pent up anger that I couldn't get out. I couldn't write, I wouldn't let myself just get over something like that like everyone just expected me to be sad for a couple of days and then just get over it. I just lost it for a bit, and on one of the worse days no one was around, Sadie was out with Mason and Speid getting some stuff from the studio for me, because I wouldn't go nowhere. I had prescribed depression pills, which I wasn't taking, and they thought I was, and I guess I too far gone to realise and just thought I was an inconvenience for everyone and letting them down, my father or mother wasn't around, my sister didn't want to be around me, Jamie wouldn't even look at me and I guess I just wanted to overdose and let it all go. I took some, not enough to do any damage, but I still took some, I was going to do it, take the rest but they come back and saw what I was doing and stopped me. They didn't know I already took some, because they didn't know I wasn't taking what I should have. I haven't told no one this, and I was tempted to try again, and succeed this time, but you stopped me."

He looked surprised at this "I remembered when I came back on tour the first time, my album was a flop, but you still cared, you cared enough to believe in me, that I could come back from that and re-invent myself, and that stupid red liquorice you can't say no to. All that made me realise that it wasn't worth it, and I could come back from this and start again, and I did. I was dark and twisty back then, but you saved me, like you always seemed to do even though you weren't there… You saved me…"

He didn't know what to say, what could he say to something like that? He smiled weird, right?

"What?" she asked him, why was he smiling after that? It wasn't a happy memory it wasn't a happy story so what the hell?

"You saved me. You got me through everything that happened back home, you're the one who got me through it, if it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have come back. You got me through it, to see your face again, your smile…" she smiled up at him hearing this; they were a one heck of a pair weren't they?

"I guess were made for eachother then?" he laughed at this, "Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

The nurse knocked on the door to announce herself and walked in quietly noticing the sleeping Tommy in the armchair by Jude's bed, and Jude awake and writing in her Journal that Tom brought in earlier for her, she looked up at the knock.

"Hello, Miss Harrison." Jude looked at her "Sorry, Jude." She smiled at her.

"I'm just here to give you the meds and then I'll be going." Jude nodded, and watched her do whatever she does and heard another knock at the door, seeing Sadie walk in. "I'll be going now, but don't stay too long, she needs her sleep." The nurse whispered said to Sadie. "I won't be long." She reassured her.

Just about as Sadie opened her mouth to say something Jude stopped her "quietly Sades," she said pointing to the sleeping form of Tom Quincy.

"Jude" she whispered "I'm so sorry about phoning dad"

"Sadie, like I said, it's okay."

"No it's not" she argued "I shouldn't have done it, I wish I didn't, he didn't even talk to me, he just left, he never phoned. He's just gone. Why would a father do that? "

"Sadie" she grabbed her hand "He's an ass who hasn't deserved the right of us calling him dad, he left us, he doesn't care, so why should we?"

"I can't help but miss them Jude, even though I can't forgive them and particularly hate them right now, I can't stop missing them and wishing they were here with us, how can they just mess up a family and leave to forget about it all?"

"I don't know Sades. But I can't talk about this anymore, I've thought about it for ages and it's making me ill, so I can't do this anymore. I've made my peace with this. I've vented what I had to, to deal with it, so you need to. Vent with Kwest or call him and tell him what you need to, trust me, you'll feel way better for it." She smiled and Sadie "We'll get through this Sades, as long as we have these amazing people around us, we'll get through this. We got through it with Mom. So we'll be fine."

"I know we will. I have Kwest, and I'm totally in love with him. And you have Tommy." Jude looked over at him, and smiled "Yeah I have Tommy." Sadie smiled at her little sister who didn't quite know it yet, that she had what every woman dreamed of, a man who would do anything for them, who loved them, who couldn't stop thinking of them, and she had that with Kwest too.

"I love him Sades. Really love him."

"I know you do Jude, I know you do...But just be careful, okay? I don't want to see you hurt again." She nodded "It's different than just a crush Sades."

Sadie just smiled at her and then remembered "Oh and Jamie said hi, and hope you feel better." Sadie noticed the sadness creep across Jude's face at the mention of Jamie's name "I know you miss him Jude." Silence. "I get it; he was the geeky version of the boy next door, he was your best friend and I know you loved him."

"Yeah, just not the way he wanted me to."

"It hurt him, and I guess he just needs time to come around to it, like you did. He didn't deal with it Jude, at first losing you to Tommy, and then Speid, and then Speid again. I just guess he feels like where was his turn in around that."

"I know. Could you just tell him I miss him and to come and visit in the morning?" even though she had seen him on the bus a bit last night and asmorning, with Patsy, but she hadn't talked to him that much.

They heard Tommy starting to stir "Yeah will do. Well, I better get going, before Mr. Perfectionist over there kicks me out, the bus is coming around to pick us up and take us to the nearest hotel overnight. So call me if you need anything."

"Okay." She replied in a whisper back, even though Tommy wasn't asleep anymore.

"Wait Sades-"she turned around "Take him with you" she looked at Tommy, he gave her a confused look "What about-?" he asked her "I'll be fine, it's only a night after all, right? He nodded "Oh, I see she told you about the Jamie incident." Sadie said laughing at the memory and walking out of the door down the corridor giving them a minute alone.

"I can stay." He mumbled out through a yawn, he did want to stay, and he didn't want to leave her alone. "No, it's fine honestly. It's only a night, and I bet a hotel bed would be way nicer to sleep on than that chair." She said amused that now he only realised that his arms and legs were aching as he stretched his arm over his head. "You'll be back in the morning though right?"

"First thing." He replied, he walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead "Goodnight Jude." He whispered into her hair.

"Goodnight."

She thought about everything that happened today, the collapse, the hospital, her father and the talk, but she honestly would not have changed anything about today, it all ended well. Tommy loved her, he was in this, they were a we, us, two of them together, no turning back, and she left herself deal with unresolved issues over her father and the stupid suicide attempt.

As long as she had these amazing, loving people she's got to know and call family, around her then she knew that what she told Sadie was true.

They'd get through this, she'd get through this. They'd be okay. As long as she had them, as long as she had Tommy, her family, she'd never not be able to get through whatever that comes her way, because she was done being a child, feeling vulnerable and sorry for herself.

She was an adult, she was acting like it, she had this amazing life, truth, she had a lot of ups and downs, but still an amazing life, and amazing chance to prove she had something and within all that she got to do everything she's dreamed off since she was little and she wasn't going to waste it any longer. It was worth all the things she'd had to go through to get there because for now, she had it all. But she only had it all because of him, her inspiration, and the guy all her lyrics were about if she didn't have him then she wouldn't have anything.

She had so many emotions right now. She needed to pour them into a song, so she grabbed her Journal from the side of her bed and look at the front page, his writing, he'd always be a part of her no matter where he was.

She wrote about her and Tommy's constant battle between eachother and crossing that line, their up's and downs and their hate to love eachother in the past.

_So here I am_

_Alone again_

_And there's nothing you can do about it_

_Nothing left_

_No one there_

_And I can't be cared about it_

_So don't you know_

_x-_

_I'm hiding something_

_You don't know_

_That I'm leaving it all behind_

_So can't you look_

_Behind the door_

_And try to save me from myself._

_x-_

_Don't you know,_

_I hate everything about you_

_And I can't help_

_Loving everything I hate_

_And I can't believe_

_I love to hate you._

_When I hate to love you._

_x-_

_So here I am_

_Without you_

_And there's nothing I can do about it_

_No one left_

_No one cares_

_And I'm scared to do anything about it_

_x-_

_Don't you know,_

_I hate everything about you_

_And I can't help_

_Loving everything I hate_

_And I can't believe_

_I love to hate you._

_When I hate to love you._

_x-_

_I need to let go_

_But I can't seem to_

_Drive away the way I feel_

_So here I am_

_Tell me what to do_

_And how did I get so screwed up_

_With this decision_

_I made_

_So come on help me from this low_

_Stop running from yourself_

_Please try and_

_Save me from me._

_x-_

_And don't you know_

_That I hate everything about you_

_But I can't help_

_Loving you_

_And I can't believe_

_That I love to hate you_

_When I hate to love you..._

_Hate to love you..._

_When I need to love to hate to love you..._

She closed the Journal and set it back on the side table thinking about Tommy, she wondered if he was thinking about her? With her feelings out a bit more, she felt a little better and could go to sleep easier not feeling any frustration, except for the other kind. She wanted to be near him, she hated not to.

What were they going to do though, they had to keep it a secret, it helped knowing that the closest ones they know, knew about them because she would have had a hard time keeping it a secret. But, what about everyone else? Darius, what the hell was he going to say when they told him? Or what if he found out about them from someone else and Jamie… how would he react to it? The paparazzi would have a field day with it, she could just see the headlines, and what about their fans?

Would all the girls hate her because she had the most wanted poster boy of Canada? Would her younger fans view her different because of the age different? God, now she was older she understood how Tommy felt, when she was sixteen she thought if they could just admit how they felt everything would fit into place, and she still thought that but so much more now. There was and she understood what he did, protected her from that and had to handle it all himself, and she had to remember to thank him in them morning. She fell asleep a couple of minutes later feeling entirely exhausted and mentally drained

* * *

Then nurse came in a couple of times throughout the night to give her some more meds to keep her calm and to check in on her.

She was having the best sleep of her life here, having something prescribed to help her sleep was bliss, but she knew it'd all end soon enough when she has to get back to the tour, with hard and oh-so-not comfortable bunks and a couple of nights in a hotel, which don't do that good on the back. She awoke groggily feeling pressure on her head, probably from the waking her head on the pavement part of the fall, she didn't notice as much yesterday because of the high of emotion she let out, but now ouch!

She was half an half afraid to open her eyes, but heard a knock, thinking and hoping it was Tommy she opened her eyes.

God, was she wrong, what a way to wake up, next time they might just want to blow a blow horn, might hurt less. There he stood, with messy emo hair and red battered converse sneakers.

"Hi Jude." He spoke, standing there with his messy Emo hair and red battered converse sneakers that looked like they'd been backed over with a car, thrown out the window and then backed over again. Hey, she wasn't exaggerating, he did actually do that once.

"Hey Jamie-"

* * *

Okay, so don't know where I went with this but I guess it's kind of like tying up lose ends as you'll find out in the next chapter.

Thanks for reviewing the last chapter, forgot to say at the begining, and please keep reviewing.

Kirsty.x


	19. It's Over, Twice

Heyyy! Okay, so i'm updating now, had to kind of rush this because theres something wrong with my laptop so they're taking it away Monday to sort it out, and im busy the rest of the week, so updating now, cause don't know when i'm going to be able to update again. The lyrics are mine and are kind of inspired by Instant Stars I Still Love You.

I don't own anything from Instant Star

* * *

It's Over, Twice.

"Hey Jamie-"she whispered out in disbelief he was there. He walked in and sat down in the chair with his head in his hands "I'm glad you're okay Jude." He looked up at her she smiled, he didn't return the gesture.

"So… Sadie said you wanted me to come by?

"Yeah… "She started feeling the awkwardness in the atmosphere "this is exactly why I wanted you to come by."

"Huh?" he asked confused "This-"she motioned with her hands, "The space, no talking hardly ever seeing eachother, Jamie, we weren't like this. Why are we like this?"

"Jude-"he sighed "I don't know." He lied and she noticed "You're lying to me Jamie, when did we start lying to eachother?"

"When you started lying to me about Quincy, when you forgot about me and done best for your career and not what was best for us." He spat out cynically. Okay so that was how it was going to be.

"Jamie. It was my career, and you got something out of it as well." She started

"It was not even like that Jude. You walked away from it, from us." He got out of his chair angrily.

"Jamie- I am not doing this here, okay."

"No, were doing this cause I'm fed up of taking a back seat."

"Okay" she whispered as he sat back down in the chair a little calmer now.

"When did I become not enough for you Jude, I know you never really loved me that way, but I guess going out with you was just enough at the time." He asked exasperated.

"I don't know. Yeah, I didn't love you that way, but I did have feelings for you before the tour, and after I thought they'd change into something else, but I was wrong okay, I was wrong. Were allowed to be wrong." She admitted to both of them

"And if Quincy wasn't there?"

"Then maybe things might have been different, but honestly, I don't know, because things aren't different, this is reality and we just have to get over it."

"I can't Jude- I loved you, I loved you and you just used me. You used me to make him jealous you used to me to see if you could get over him" he rushed out heatedly "and you used me… because I let you."

She didn't dare to speak, she just wanted to let it all out and then they'd be able to talk properly "and I'm not even mad at you" she looked at him questionably "I'm mad at myself because I let you, I could have stopped it, but I didn't, I let you hurt me, so I don't just blame you" he replied calmer than he looked "and I can't be friends with you if every time I look at you I wanna punch something, because I won't let myself, I can't. You hurt me and I'm dealing with it but we can't be friends Jude."

"I get it" she tried to reply sounding like she did get it. But she didn't, how could he throw away like fifteen years of friendship just because they didn't work.

"How could we let it get to this Jamie, we used to be inseparable."

"I guess we just grew apart huh?" he asked rhetorically with bloodshot eyes. "Yeah."

"Our friendships over Jude, I know it, You know it. It's just gone, disappeared, like everything else. We've been through too much, and we can't salvage anything, it's burned. So…?"

"I guess goodbye?" she asked dejectedly

"Yeah I guess so, goodbye Jude."

"Bye Jamie" she whispered after he left and hung her head low feeling like a complete and utter bitch right now, how could this happen between them, and she let it.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to punch something, but the most she wanted to frigging be anywhere but here right now, stuck there without being able to even argue with him that their friendship wasn't over and that they could salvage what they had and not throw fifteen long good years down the freaking drain! But she couldn't go after him, she couldn't go anywhere, and she needed to let go off this, she needed to free her feelings and the only way she knew how staying inside of the law, write music. She grabbed her Journal

As Tommy walked into the room, he noticed she looked different asmorning

The atmosphere in the room was anything but friendly and she looked defeated.

"Hey" she looked up at the sound of his voice, she smiled weakly at him, so I gather you talked to Jamie, he didn't look too happy."

"Yeah, well talked isn't a word I'd say." He gave her _the _look that she knew he always used when he was here for her and when he tried to get her to talk to him when she wouldn't. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked acting clueless.

"You know. So stop it. Stop _the_ look. I'm fine okay, so just stop it."

"Jude, I know you better than that-"

"I don't want to talk about It." she interrupted knowing where he was going with this

"You're not okay."

No, I'm not okay." She mutely agreed, knowing and feeling like she was anything but okay. He noticed the Journal in her hands and knew she had her way with dealing with whatever just transpired.

"Then do what you do best girl." She smiled at him, it was weird how him just being there, talking to her, calling her girl, always made her worries go away, always made her feel better than she felt. He was hers, and she was glad of it.

* * *

Everything was silent while she was writing, he knew what was best for her, and that was quiet while she furiously scrawled all her feelings and hate into a one song that would hopefully turn out to be a hit when she finished. Looking at the page, scribbled out half of it and rewrote it out so it would fit perfectly in about how she felt right now. Ten minutes after the final draft she read it over in her head, not worrying about a melody yet.

_When did we get so attached?_

_And when did we just fall apart_

_And how did we let it get this way?_

_When we used to be this close_

_But now that's in the past_

_And nothing ever lasts_

_So I'm saying what I need to say_

_Are you here to stay?_

_x-_

_We. Were. Once. Was._

_And that's how it went_

_When we used to lie_

_And sing songs that were lame_

_But now that's all gone_

_And nothing stays the same_

_So. This. Was. When. We._

_Just slipped away_

_x-_

_So here's what I mean_

_And I'll write it for you_

_They were once a team_

_And we once were too_

_So read what I mean_

_And not what I say_

_Cause that was once true_

_But I do miss you._

_x-_

_Us. Me. and you, _

_Are now past tense_

_And there's nothing I can do_

_But that's how it went_

_And you never even_

_Let me explain_

_And you were proven wrong_

_When it washed down with rain_

_So there's one thing I need to say_

_I miss you._

_x-_

_So here's what I mean_

_And I'll write it for you_

_They were once a team_

_And we once were too_

_So read what I mean_

_And not what I say_

_Cause that was once true_

_But I do miss you._

_I just can't let you_

_Let it fade away_

_And how could _

_You let it get between us_

_Just cause I didn't say _

_I love you too_

_But I do miss you_

_x-_

_So here's what I mean_

_And I'll write it for you_

_They were once a team_

_And we once were too_

_So read what I mean_

_And not what I say_

_Cause that was once true_

_But I do miss you._

_x-_

_So here's what I mean_

_And I'll write it for you_

_They once were a team_

_And we were one too_

_So read what I mean_

_And listen to what I say_

_Cause that was once true_

_But I miss you_

_I once missed you _

_But you did walk away_

_And I do still miss you._

She nodded with the lyrics, agreeing that they fit and thought how ironic that they were exactly how she felt, she did miss Jamie, but he's the one who walked away, she tried, and he finished it, and she still missed him, but she would eventually get over it. She closed the Journal and put the pen on the table. Tommy lifted his head up as Jude through the Journal at the bottom of the bed, inviting him to read the lyrics over. It became a ritual to them before he left, he didn't even have to ask to look over them before they worked on the song, she just gave it to him, and then if there was anything that needed to be changed, or just didn't work, and they'd then work on it together.

He could tell just by looking over at them that I'd be one of her best ballads yet, and it needed to be recorded raw, just as the lyrics and she felt, raw, emotional and vulnerable, and in need of her best friend, who this very song was about.

"So what'd ya think?" she asked him anxious of his answer, well not much of his answer but what his eyes revealed more than what he actually spoke.

"Jude, it's unbelievable." She looked into his eyes, trying to see if they gave anything away, they didn't. She smiled, "It's ironic huh?"

He gave her a confused look "It's ironic how he can say I walked away, when he's just done the exact same thing."

"If you want to talk, I'm here, always."

"I know." She smiled up at him so full of love and appreciation that he was there, right now, and it didn't matter about tomorrow or a week later, he was here for her now and she loved that.

"But I don't want to talk right now, guess I just have to let it sink in and deal with it myself." He nodded understanding, and then the doctor walked in, "Please say you got good news." Jude said as Tommy looked over his shoulder to look at the doctor "The test results come back-" why couldn't doctors get to the point, yes, good news, or no, bad news and then get to the difficult stuff

"And everything's fine. So we have good news, you can leave today-"result. "-only if you rest as much as you can, when you're not on stage. You have anxiety attacks so try not to get too stressed out, you need to be calm as possible, otherwise you'll be back in here again, also, here's a prescription for Iron tablets, you need the balance." He handed her the prescription "I'll go and get the check out forms and then you can leave. Do you have any questions?" he looked at the both of them

"Yeah, where's the phone thingy's and when can I get this thing out of my hand?" he laughed and replied "Down the corridor on the right, and a nurse will be here in a minute."

Thank you." She whispered out as he left, this was the happiest she felt since Tommy told her he loved her, she was leaving the hospital, she could get back to the tour, and finally be alone with Tommy when they stop at the hotel. Things were looking up since the past hour.

"You're getting out."

"I'm getting out…Everything's fine."

"Everything's fine." He repeated. The nurse walked in and took the IV out of her hand and put cotton wool on the hole where the needle was, which was slowly turning a purple and wrapped a little bit of sticky tape over it to keep it in place.

She smiled at the nurse before she walked out and started to get out of bed "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Tommy asked her as she did so, "going to the phone to call Sadie, unless, you want to do it for me instead?" she said knowing that he wouldn't he didn't want to talk to Sadie because she would ask questions about him and her... They didn't talk last night, it was late, and Sadie was really quiet worrying about Jude, so they never talked.

He shook his head "Thought so" she laughed a little, "Tell her I'm sorry."

"What?" she asked confused "Tell her I'm sorry, she'll know."

"Okay…" she walked out of the room and took the instructions Dr. McNeil gave her, down the corridor to the right, or was it left? She'd get there eventually anyway. She took the right, and thankfully didn't have to ask for directions by going the wrong way. She dialled Sadie's number and waited for her to answer, "Hey it's Sadie." She heard her sisters voice enter her ear all enthusiastic "Well hello Mss. Perky, I want what your having" she could tell her sister was rolling her eyes as she spoke.

"Jude, what do you want?" she asked a little less happy "Oh is that how you treat your younger sister who is in the hospital?"

"Jude-"Sadie warned getting annoyed; Jude was feeling a little happier knowing that she was annoying her.

"I'm allowed to leave this place called hell, so would you come down…-"

"Isn't Tom there?"

"Yes…that's beside the point, I need clothes Sades. You know, non smelling like hospital gown clothes." She replied to her interruption

"Okay, I'll be there soon."

"Oh and Sades-"she remembered what Tommy said

"Yeah?"

"Tommy said he's sorry." She heard the other line go deathly silent, "Sades?" then the dial tone, whoa- what the hell went on?

* * *

Around an hour later Sadie finally got to the hospital, the doctor hadn't yet come back with the papers, but hey, she had to change first anyways.

"Hey Sades-" Jude greeted her as she walked through the doors noticing a bag with her clothes in, "Hey" Sadie chucked it over to her, "Thanks."

Jude grabbed the bag and walked into the small bathroom area to get changed, which left Sadie and Tom alone. He hadn't even acknowledged her.

"I got your message." He looked up at her "You're Sorry huh? She turned around and looked at him, a couple minutes passed with nothing but silence, "So were on the right page, are you sorry for saying it was my fault? Or something else?"

"You what?" they both turned at the sound of Jude's voice by the door.

"You what?" she repeated, "Jude, it's nothing." Sadie started "No, it's something, so both of you, don't lie to me."

"It's none of your business." Sadie snapped "Well, it's to do with you, and you" she said pointing at them "Then it's my business."

"Well, Tom here told me that it was my fault that you fainted."

Jude turned her view to Tommy questionably as the nurse came in with the signing out papers "Here you are Miss. Harrison, you are now free to go." He handed her the papers and waited for her to sign, she gave them back, and he left.

"I want to talk to Tommy, alone."

"Go ahead." Sadie said, "I need to phone the bus anyway" she mumbled as she walked out. Jude crossed her arms "Did you say that?" no answer. "Look at me Tommy… Did you say that to Sadie?" he stood up and nodded at her "Yeah, I said that to Sadie." She brushed past him, he grabbed her arm "Jude-"

"I'm not starting something here, okay." He nodded and let her go, watching her walk out. Here we go again, he grabbed her Journal and sighed, every time when anything's good, something always messes it up.

* * *

Jude walked out of the room, and went straight out of the hospital to look for Sadie; she found her leaning against the wall. "Sades, it wasn't your fault."

She walked over and leaned against the wall next to her "it wasn't anyone's fault, it just happened, if anything it was mine."

"I believed him, when he said it… I believed him, that's why I phoned dad, and I do blame myself because I haven't been here for you lately-"

"Sade's-" she started to cut her off "No- Jude, I haven't- I haven't, I've been so caught up with Kwest, G Major, and trying to protect you, I haven't actually been there when you needed me, I-"

"Sadie, it doesn't matter, nothing matters now, you're supposed to be caught up with Kwest, you love him, and G Major's your job, you have your own life, you can't be there all the time for me, I'm a big girl Sade's, I can take care of myself, even though fainting doesn't actually back up that theory, but I can. So don't feel guilty. Okay?"

"Okay" she whispered "So what's happening with you two?" Sadie motioned over to Tommy walking out of the hospital. "I don't know yet, when things are going good, something just gets in the way, why is it always complicated?"

Sadie smiled "Love is always complicated; otherwise it wouldn't be love, just go with it, and don't give up on him Jude, he does love you."

"When did you get so wise?" she asked Sadie teasingly "We both grew up Jude." She answered and pushed herself back up from the wall and walked over to the tour bus rolling in.

Jude felt Tommy's eyes on her, and felt a rush of anticipation shiver through her and turned to look at him and half smiled, noticing his mood lighten a bit.

She ran to catch up to Sadie and got on the bus, waiting for Tommy to get on.

"So, we going back to the hotel?" she asked Sadie after she was finished on the phone "Yeah. I was talking to Darius about what happened, and he agreed with me" she looked at Sadie questionably as Tommy walked in "He's cancelling a couple of tour dates, so you can take a couple of days of so you can rest."

"What?" she asked in disbelief "I'm fine"

"Jude-"

"I don't need any rest."

"Do you want to collapse again, and then have to cancel even more tour dates, or even the tour because you're back in hospital? Cause that's what's going to happen." Tommy tried to get into her head.

"No." she whispered

"Then take the couple of days off, it's not going to hurt."

"I guess so."

"Good, I'm gonna go in the back to phone Darius back to make the arrangements." Sadie said, knowing the two needed to be alone.

"Okay"

"Can't believe you caved that easily Harrison." Tommy spoke after Sadie went into the back. She smiled at him "You know I'm only doing this for you." He smiled back at her; she got up and walked over to sit down by him "The last couple of days could have been worse." She tried to break the atmosphere "Don't even joke about that." She looked down at the floor "What I said to Sadie, I meant it at the time, and I know how it sounds, but I did."

She looked up at him, motioning him to continue "I was afraid of losing you again, and I just snapped, at the nearest person, and that was Sadie, if Kwest was there, it would have been him…I don't blame Sadie for what happened, I blame myself because of what I did… You might not have…" he drifted off. She grabbed his hand "It wasn't your fault."

A couple of minutes passed in comfortable silence.

"I'm sorry" she whispered "What for?"

"For fainting, for putting you through that."

"Hey… Hey, look at me…" she wouldn't, he put his finger under her chin, turning her face towards him. "You couldn't have stopped what happened. It just happened."

"No, you don't get it, I could have stopped it, I just didn't."

"What do you mean?" he questioned alarmed

"I mean, when Mason caught us, I was so scared you would back out, and then you wouldn't talk to me, I didn't know what was going on, I had no control over any of it. Like before, and since then I hardly eaten or drank anything, and I couldn't sleep before I was worried too much. I knew what I was doing, and I didn't care."

"Jude, why-"

"Because us, I don't have control over Tommy, I can't control what I feel and I can't control what's happening with us, and that I had control over." He rested his head on hers "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through Jude, but I'm gonna everything okay. Everything's gonna be okay."

"It's never going to be okay Tommy." She lifted her head from his "It's never going to be okay when everything's not, not when it's like this, while were on tour, it's too much to handle…"

"So what're you saying Jude?"

"We've both been damaged the past couple of years, we can't repair it while were together, while there's too much getting in the way. Being on tour, getting caught. I don't want everyone to know about us by getting caught and being in the papers. We both need to fix what's been broken, and we can't together, separate issues…"

"Jude- don't do this." he pleaded

"I can't keep doing this to myself, we both need time to heal Tommy-"she let go of his hand and got up "It's over, for now anyway, until we can handle everything, we can't be together."

He got up and searched her eyes "Jude, don't do this, we love eachother, I love you..." she wiped away the tears which started to fall

"I know you do Tommy, and I love you too, I'm not giving up on us, it's not over forever, we just need to figure some stuff out, I need to figure stuff out and right now, love, it's just not enough."

"Jude-"

"Sorry, Tommy." She whispered before she turned around and ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, letting her emotions take over she slid down the door onto the door and started to shake with crying. Did she really just do that?

* * *

Okay, so don't totally hate me!

Please review, I'd love to read them when I get my computer back, so please do.

Thanks, Kirsty.x

* * *


	20. Never Say Goodbye

Hey! I know it's been awhile, but like I said, my laptop had to get fixed, got it back last week but had a lot of coursework I had to finish before school started again. So this is kind of rushed so if it's a bit cheesey, you know why.

I don't own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

She stayed like that, in the bathroom crying for the next half an hour until the bus stopped, she was afraid to go out there and face Tommy, she didn't regret saying what she did, because she meant it, they both needed time, but she didn't want to see him and feel guilty, cause she did, and she didn't want to argue with him anymore. So she waited, until she heard them go.

She jumped at the sound of the knock on the door "Jude- open the door." It was him; couldn't he just leave her alone? "Jude, let me in, open the door." She knew he wasn't going to go away, so she pulled herself up and unlocked the door, Tommy instantly opening it.

"Don't Tommy, just don't okay…I don't want to fight with you."

"I don't want to fight either, just don't push me away..."

"I'm not trying to; I just can't be around you right now." She tried to get past him and he gently grabbed her arm "Let me go Tommy." She pulled her arm out of his grasp "Just let me go Tommy." And she brushed past him and he let her go. "I'm not letting you go without a fight Jude." And those words kept echoing through her head as she got off the bus and walked into the hotel.

* * *

Jude walked into the hotel and saw Sadie, she needed to get her key card "Sade's which room am I in?"

"32-"she started as Jude carried on walking to the stairs.

"We've had a little move around though, Patsy wanted to be in with Jamie and Karma didn't care which one, so you're in with Tommy." Whoa, wait. What? She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around "What?" she asked hoping what she heard was just a figment of her imagination, highly doubt it.

"You and Tommy are sharing for the couple of days, after what happened thought you'd two want time to be alone." Jude looked at the door where Tommy just walked through and stared at him, and he found her eyes, still looking at him she answered Sadie "Well, you were wrong, Sades."

Sadie looked behind her and saw him "What happened?" she didn't want to ask that question, she just needed to get out of his view. "What rooms Mason in?"

"40-But Jude…"

"Who's he with?"

"Speed." She was gob smacked, oh my god. This was so not going good for her.

"Okay" she whispered more to herself than Sadie "I'll, uh, see ya later." And then she walked off towards the elevator, she wasn't going to take the stairs now. "Jude!" she turned around at the sound of his voice before she got into the elevator and saw him coming towards her "Come on, shut" she muttered, and sighed with relief when the doors closed.

* * *

She opened the hotel room and dropped the bag with her clothes in from the other night and opened it searching for her Journal. She couldn't find it, where the hell was it? She was sure she had it before she left. She couldn't be bothered with this right now, she walked out the door and walked down the corridor to Mason and Speed's, she hoped Speed wasn't there right now, even though it didn't really matter if he was, but things were still a little awkward between them. She knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer, Tommy was probably in the room now looking for her, and finally Mason answered.

"Hey Harrison"

"Hey stranger" she replied with a hug "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." She walked in as he moved aside and shut the door after her.

"So, I guess everything went okay at the hospital?" he asked her "Yeah. Everything's good."

"Kwest told us were staying here for a couple of days. Nice one."

"Yeah, I guess." She replied. "Is Speed here?"

"No, everyone went down by the pool to relax; I'm up here to write."

"And how's that going?"

"You know the usual, what's happened Jude?" he asked concerned seeing the emotion etched on her face.

"I can't find my Journal; I think Tommy has it…"she started slowly "Okay…" he said not getting it "I can't face him right now, Mase."

"Jude, what happened with you two? Everything was fine in the hospital…"

"I can't… I can't…"she repeated over and over

"Hey… Its okay, I'll go and get your Journal…okay? You don't have to worry about it."

"It's not that… I'll tell you eventually, but I just can't… right now…" she couldn't bring herself to say it.

"It's okay; tell me when you're ready."

"I can't stay there Mase. I'm sharing a room with him, I can't stay there." He could see she was started to tear up "Hey it's okay, you can stay here, it'll be okay Jude." He tried to reassure her but it wasn't working so he got up "I'll go and get your journal and your stuff, just stay here okay?" she nodded "what room were you in?" "32-" and as he was about to walk out the door she spoke " "and, It's not going to be okay Mase, Tommy and I are over, it's never going to be okay" she looked down at the door and he was speechless as he closed the door, but he didn't know she was the one who ended it, not Tommy.

* * *

He walked out the room and headed down to the hotel room to get Jude stuff, he waited a minute before knocking on the door three times then impatiently waited for Tom to answer, he was waiting for a couple of minutes, and then he finally opened the door. Mason noticed Tom's eyes were bloodshot as he walked in. "I came for Jude's bag." Tommy looked to the bag on the floor, "Go ahead. I already put her Journal in there." Mason grabbed the bag and looked back at Tom "I don't know what's happened between you two, but if you've hurt her again, I swear to god Tom-"

"Me? Hurt her" he spat sarcastically, "Before you go making threats that you won't follow out, you need to know what actually happened." he was so angry about Jude because he knew deep down that she was trying to do what was best for the both of them, she was doing the best for her health and he knew that but he was just plain hurt and he couldn't help feeling that.

"You need to talk to Jude before you finish that sentence Fox." And Mason opened the door and walked out, leaving Tom to calm down. He heard something smash as he walked away back to his hotel room.

* * *

After Mason left Jude ran into the bathroom turning on the shower needing to wash the last couple of days of off her. She welcomed the warmth of the water burning her skin. It was over for them, for now at least, she needed to concentrate on the tour, and work things out for herself and deal with everything's that's happened, and then maybe, if Tommy wanted to, they could get back together. Ten minutes later she got out of the shower and got dressed, she felt a little better, she heard someone come back, she didn't know if it was Mason or Speed though.

So she walked out to find Mason sitting on one of the beds playing with his guitar. He looked up at her "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." She smiled "Was he there?"

"Yeah."

"Did he say anything?"

"No." he lied "Yeah, actually he did, what happened Jude? You don't have to tell if you don't want to, but…"

"You're like my best friend Mase, you have a right to know." She sighed and sat down by him "Before we left the hospital, I overheard Sadie and Tom arguing, about what he said to her" he gave her a confused look "He told her it was her fault I fainted, and he explained on the bus why and we talked for a bit, he told me everything would be okay, but it's not. I broke it off with him, I haven't dealt with what happened and I think everyone knows that, and I need to concentrate on the tour without any complications and to deal with my life at the moment, and Tommy and me aren't exactly stable… So I need to be on my own for awhile without him, right now, he just complicates that." Mason nodded understanding, he definitely knew she hadn't dealt with the Speed issue, the baby issue the suicide attempt and the always ever complicated Tom Quincy.

"Your journals in your bag."

"Thanks Mase." She replied really meaning it. "Anytime Harrison." She smiled at him and walked over to her bag getting her Journal out and a pen she turned to Mason "Coming down by the pool?" "Yeah, I'll meet you down there in half an hour, just gonna finish this."

"Okay, see you down there then." She replied walking out the door and down to the pool area where she knew SME, Kwest and probably Sadie would be.

* * *

Tom walked down to the pool where he knew Speed would be, he needed to talk to him. He'd just got off the phone with Darius, Jude was right; they both needed time, alone. So he had to go back to Toronto, give her some space, in the couple of months before the tour is over and she came back, he wanted a clear head, he also wanted to go and see how Lilia was getting on. Darius agreed to cut him from the tour, so he could go back to Toronto and get things sorted, and he knew Darius only agreed because it was best for Jude, his no.1 artist. He already made the decision before he even left the bus when they stopped, and while Jude was in the bathroom, he still had her Journal, he wrote what he was feeling the only way he could, in song, he wrote her a little goodbye and put the picture he always carried of them. A Picture of them smiling at eachother at the party of her debut album, such a long time ago, and put them inside the Journal.

He already called and hired a car, he called a cab to take him there he had just a little under an hour to finish packing and to tie up loose ends. He was going to drive back to Toronto, a little road trip, he had a lot of time anyway, might as well.

He walked outside to the pool and saw Speed sitting down with his feet in the pool, "Can we talk?" he asked looking down at him, "Why would I want to talk to you Quincy?" he retorted back "Because _Vincent _it's about Jude." That got Speeds attention. He nodded and they both walked over to a corner where no one could overhear

"I'm leaving." Speed laughed sardonically "Again? Is that like your 'thing' or something?" Tommy decided to ignore him, more important things to deal with. "Darius needs me back at G Major, so I've got to go back to Toronto" he lied, "So I need you to look after Jude while I'm gone, make sure she's okay."

Speed nodded "So I guess you two are over?" he asked him, Tommy nodded "For now at least, yeah." He walked past him and headed back inside the hotel, to his hotel room, he noticed Jude on the way, if he was going to do this he had to do it quick, she was already reading the letter.

* * *

Jude went outside to the pool to be proven right, Wally & Kyle were in the pool, Kwest & Sadie we all love-up with eachother and Speed and Tommy were talking in the corner. She did a double take, Speed and Tommy talking? What the hell?

She walked over to one of the deck chairs next to Sadie and opened her Journal to watch a piece of paper and what looked like a picture fly out. She picked them up and looked at the picture she smiled at the memory of when it was taken, but how did it end up in here? And then she realised the letter and Tommy had her Journal earlier, and now he's talking to Speed, what's going on?

She opened the letter anxiously instantly recognising Tommy's writing and reading it over, instantly not liking what she was reading.

'_Jude, there's so many things I should be saying to you right now to change your mind about us instead of being apart. But, I've given in this time, you were right and we both need time apart to heal, alone, and you know as well as I do we both won't be able to do that while were around eachother, it didn't work before, it won't work now. I'm going back to Toronto for the rest of the tour, something's going on at G Major and Darius needs me back, so this is goodbye for two months. I know this is short and going fast but girl, I honestly don't know what to say to you, and the best way for both of us to understand and the one thing we'll always have in common, music. So here it goes. _

_There's this long road ahead_

_And were both going different ways_

_And we don't know where _

_Were heading_

_But that's the fun part_

_And were leaving behind the starting line_

_X-_

_Cause we started, something_

_We couldn't control_

_And not it's over_

_And we don't know if_

_We can stand on our own_

_Right now_

_One second and it's gone_

_X-_

_And while were watching_

_Were fading_

_Into the dark_

_And the past_

_Is blurring _

_Until there's nothing left_

_Just the spark_

_x-_

_Now I'm losing _

_What I wanted_

_And it's not what I expected_

_Cause we waited and watched it fall apart_

_And there's no time to start over_

_While were both back in the past_

_x-_

_And while were watching_

_Were fading_

_Into the dark_

_And the past_

_Is blurring _

_Until there's nothing left_

_Just the spark_

_Were watching_

_And fading_

_Now the past is blurring_

_And nothings left but the spark._

_X-_

_Theres no time_

_To stop the world turning round_

_And I guess this is where _

_We stand our ground_

_And go our separate ways_

_So for today I'll say_

_Goodbye for now._

She felt the tears burn her eyes, she hurt him bad, she knew that but bullshit he was leaving because Darius was asking him to, she knew it was because of her, she knew it was because he couldn't stand the sight of her right now, and she hated that. She put the letter and the picture back in the Journal and ran to the only place she knew he'd be right now, the hotel room.

X-

She didn't bother to knock she just walked in and slammed the door to get his attention and when he turned around to look at her she threw the Journal at him

"I don't want it, Take it." He picked up the Journal and went to give it back to her but she wouldn't take it and pushed him away.

"You couldn't even bother to tell me in person, or the freaking truth for that matter."

"Jude- I"

"Don't Tommy, You're leaving because of me, just say it, don't lie to me."

He was losing his resolve he knew he was when he heard the desperation in her voice. He slowly walked up to her Journal in hand, she took it this time, and looked down at it, there hands touching, "If you go now there's no turning back."

"I know." He rested his forehead on hers "Is this it?-" She whispered "When are you leaving?"

"Half an hour." She started crying, she knew they'd only be apart for a couple of months but it might be too late for them, they'd haven't been together that long to hold on to anything. "Don't cry." He whispered as he wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." She stared into his eyes and she saw what they both needed, she leaned in and lightly kissed him on the lips, but he pulled back "Jude, you don't want to do this."

"Right now Tommy, it's all I do want. Nothing matters right now because you're leaving." She didn't want to cry again, he gave her the look "Are you sure about this Jude? Cause you can't go back."

She nodded, he didn't need an answer he saw it in her eyes. He walked past her and locked the door; she turned around and watched him make her way to her.

'_If you get any closer, then I'm gonna have to scream'_

Running his hand through her hair, they both knew what was going to happen, they wouldn't stop this time and they didn't want to.

They both needed this and they wanted it, they had to hold onto something while they were apart. He intensified the kiss, a kiss that was so deep and so far gone they didn't want to come up for air, he picked her up and carried her over to the bed.

* * *

Outside the hotel.

They both stood outside the hotel, waiting for the cab to arrive. Half an hour ago, they both knew things changed between them, everything changed, and there wasn't no going back, and Jude didn't know about Tommy but she definitely didn't want to. Even though he's still leaving she knew he'd be there when she got back, before she wasn't so sure. The cab arrived, and she clung onto him, she didn't want him to leave, but she knew he needed to.

"I better get going." He said, she let go of him and hugged him, "I'm gonna miss you."

"Hey, it's only five months." He whispered into her ear, she broke the hug "I know…"

"You're on tour Jude, have fun." He said turning around to get into the cab. "Tommy-"he turned around, "I love you"

"I love you too." He replied without hesitation and smiled "See you in five months."

"See you in five months" she repeated, and watched him get into the cab and leave everything behind.

She turned around and walked back into the hotel heading for the hotel room.

She walked into the room and closed the door, leaning against it and smiled, this memory, the memory they just made, right here, together, that's what they had to hold onto eachother. They were going to be fine, together, but right now they had to be apart to heal the space between themselves.

She grabbed her Journal that was lying in the middle of the floor where she dropped it and opened the door heading back down to the pool, even though she was okay that he left, she just didn't really want to be alone right now.

Sadie, Speed, Mason, Kwest, Wally & Kyle were still down there, and she sat down on the deck chair next to Mason.

She saw Speed walking up to her and sat down on the edge of the deck chair "Hey"

"Hey… so I guess he left?" he asked her "Yeah."

"Are you okay?" she nodded, "I'm okay, everything's good, were going back on tour in two days, it's gonna rock." He smiled "Yeah it is." She laughed, "I'll see you inside later?" he asked her, because he was on his way back in.

"Yeah." She reassured him, and watched him walk away, Mason turned to her

"So are you really okay?" she looked at him "Honestly, Yeah, I am."

"Oh. My. God. What happened with you two?"

"What do you mean?" she said, failing at suppressing a smile.

"You didn't?" he asked rhetorically, she rose her eyebrows at him "Everything's okay right now." She said not answering anything, "Oh My God, you did." She gave in and laughed, "You slept with Tommy!" he whispered so no one else would hear, she nodded and laughed again, "So, what's he like?" he asked bluntly" she started choking and Mason started laughing at her, "I am so not answering that question." She replied hitting him on the arm playfully with the Journal.

"Hey, can't blame a guy for trying." He replied. Jude opened the Journal and re read over the letter and the song.

* * *

Tom got out of the cab and walked into the car rental place, to pay for the car he ordered, he noticed something fall out of his jacket pocket. He picked it up and opened it instantly recognising Jude's writing.

'_Tommy, so I'm taking a leaf out of your book, I know I should be saying everything I can to change your mind about leaving right now, instead of writing this while you're getting changed. But after that, there's nothing I can say to make you stay, otherwise you would be here with me now, instead of reading this. I don't blame you for going, I know I hurt you this time, but I'm going to make up for it when I get back, and that's a promise. You better call when you get back into Toronto, I can't even begin to describe how I'd say goodbye to you, I don't want to If I can't help it, so I'm not going to._

_Being together was our goodbye, for now, anyway._

_It's a long way to go_

_But I know, _

_Were going together_

_And there's no way_

_I'm going away_

_Without you by my side_

_X-_

_And I know_

_When were walking_

_We'll be thinking of eachother_

_Along the way_

_And then, I know_

_That you're always mine_

_When I'm right here by your side_

_Were gonna be just fine._

_X- _

_And I know when we've stopped _

_We'll be looking for eachother_

_Along the way_

_And then I know_

_That you're always mine_

_When I'm right here by your side_

_I'm gonna enjoy the ride_

_Cause were gonna be just fine._

_It's not much, but hey, you never gave me much notice, maybe when I get back, you would have finished it. Can't wait to get back into the studio with you,_

_I'm in love with you Quincy, so I'll see you back in Toronto. I'm never saying goodbye._

–_Jude.'_

* * *

They'd be fine, they both knew it, they couldn't turn back, they couldn't just bail out, because now they've gone way deeper than they had before and there was no way of coming out from that. They couldn't predict what was going to happen in the next couple of months, or what was going to happen with them but the two things they both knew, was they do love eachother, and they'd get through it, all of it, and it was going to be one hell of a ride, and they were going to go with it. But it'll take So Much Time.

* * *

Okay, so The End. I know that wasn't my best work, so please be kind.

So review and say if you do want a sequel and i'll start on it.

Kirsty-x


End file.
